My man and I have some problems. Although we were both born in England, his family are muslim. He, however, doesn't practice. My belief is that you accept an individual as they are and when we first met, over a year ago, I told him that I have a 'western' lifestyle. Although he accepts this, he's worried about what his parents will think. They live overseas and are due to come & visit soon. He said that if we go to a restaurant, he would not want me to drink a glass of wine in front of them. He also said that he doesn't want me to admit I am an atheist. My reaction was: why can't you accept me as I am in front of them? Just because I enjoy a glass of wine, it doesn't make me an evil person. I refused to live a lie in front of anyone and asked him to accept me as I am. He ended up in tears, saying he was confused and didn't know what to do cos he loves me but wants to make them happy too. I suggested that perhaps he marry someone of his parent's choice or be his own man and be with a woman that makes HIM happy. Tired of it all, I asked him to leave. Today he texted me to say he needs to sort himself out and won't stand in the way of my happiness. Shall I wait to see what happens or just move on? It's a shame cos we both love one another but I don't see why I should fundamentally change who I am for anyone.
2007-08-08 21:58:50 · 17 answers · asked by Fluffy ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BIG culture shock between east & west my dear. He will always have his loyalties to the family and his upbringing and knows even though HE may accept you, his family can not bend their religion to fit you in.
2007-08-08 22:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by mikebnchprss 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long are his parents coming to visit? Maybe you can just agree to disagree and when the topic of religion comes up between you all, just say you don't want to talk about it. That should be enough and it won't start any fights or make anyone mad. I'm also a very opinionated atheist, but if I were in your shoes I wouldn't force his parents to accept me for it. As an atheist Im sure you know the stigma that's associated with us. We're the least trusted group of people in the world because we don't believe in anything at all.
If he doesnt want you to have a glass of wine in front of his parents then don't. Just go home and have one in your room or something. Then jam out to some nice gothic music if that tickles your fancy. If his parents arent going to be around long I would just try to dance around the issue and kill the topic before it gets started.
All you have to say is "I dont like to talk about it!"
I know thats hard to do, not talk about religion to people who are faithful, but you don't want his parents to HATE you right off. So don't even bring the subject up at all and don't drink wine in front of them if they see that as a sin or something. They won't be there long so its not like youre going to have to change your whole life because theyre coming. Just for a week or two or however long they'll be there.
Your man isn't ashamed of you for your beliefs, he was just raised in a strict muslim household and his parents may have told him at one point or another that he should marry someone of his own faith, and now he's with you. Obviously if he was worried that you weren't of the same religion that he was, he would have never gotten with you. Everyones parents have a huge impact on their lives, and we'd all love to have our parents accept our significant others regardless of race, religion, etc. But Im sure his parents know that this is the year 2007, and people are becoming more religiously-independent than ever before. You don't have to change who you are, just mask your beliefs while theyre around. If you truly love your boyfriend and you want to stay with him for a long time then Im sure down the road the parents will accept you more. And besides, why does it matter if they accept you at all? Its not like you need to impress them or anything. Just be kind to them and try not to talk about religion, that's all. Down the line they'll probably grow to like you as a person and not because of what you believe. And if they don't then so what?
Please don't throw away a great relationship just because you want your opinions about religion to be displayed to his parents.
Everyone tries to be "better" around their significant other's parents. I mean, when you go to meet them you'll be wearing nicer clothing and probably makeup and get dressed up nicer than usual, right? So what's the difference between putting on a nice dress that you never wear, and hiding your religious beliefs? I'd say the best advice to give you is to just be quiet about it, and let his parents know that you two are together because you love eachother very much and not because you share the same God.
2007-08-08 22:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Starlight*Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are with the wrong man. He has been raised this way, and he respects his parent's beliefs and wants the woman he is with to do the same. You are unwilling to do that, so move on. If you are with him, he will always be torn between the two. He needs someone else, and so do you.
2007-08-09 00:15:52 · answer #3 · answered by wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this isn't a big deal. The man just wants the approval of his parents. You spent all that time with him to find out he was the wrong guy for you?
2007-08-08 22:12:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he really cares for you and just wants his parents to like you. Knowing his family's religious background, you could probably assume they would have a problem with your lifestyle. I hope everything works out for you and you find out what you want. Good luck.
2007-08-08 22:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Courtney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I have been you, i could wreck it off with Belle. tell her which you nonetheless think of of her as a pal, and which you would be keen to circulate together with her as a date to the marriage besides, in simple terms as pals. As for Wendy, are not getting into yet another relationship perfect away. it incredibly is trashy and it incredibly is generally maximum suitable to have time between to think of issues over. wish that facilitates!
2016-10-01 23:17:37 · answer #6 · answered by richberg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply put, you can't change for anyone. if they can't accept you for who you are, who do they think they are marrying? To my mind, it is lying to marry someone and then try to change them. You think they are marrying the person you are, and then they are trying to make you the person they want. If you weren't that person in the first place, why bother?
2007-08-08 22:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by Nodality 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he really loves you, but respect his parents. he is in a very difficult position, if i were you, i would act in front of the parents. they are just visiting, not for long. as long as he really accept you as who you are, it should be O.K. to do that for his parents. but it's up to you to make the call.
2007-08-08 22:06:32 · answer #8 · answered by Discovery 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do what he says in the presence of his parents otherwise get ready for a separation.
2007-08-08 22:04:37 · answer #9 · answered by sv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be yourself let them accept you as you are. if his parent have a proplem with it they can stay home.Muslim is a very evil religion they are very closed minded they move into the western world and epect us to live their life style when they are present.they should respect that they are coming to your country it would be different if you were going to visit them.
2007-08-08 22:12:11 · answer #10 · answered by catsclaw 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋