I want her back?

Question

My ex (8 years married, 5 months divorced) and I have been having a lot of contact lately. She is in a relationship and I am not. She text messages me 75+ per day. I call her and she keeps me on the phone for hours.She says that "I have changed" all the time. She says the she loves me but is not "in love" with me. I asked her to let me go but she says she can't. She says her life sucks but that she loves her boyfriend. She never talks about her boyfriend. Why does she seek my attention instead of her boyfriends? Is she just trying to get over me? What does she want?

Well, one problem is that I make 5 times more money than her and her boyfriend combined. She was a stay at home mom. She probably wants the "life" again.

Answer 1

she is a player, better off without her. she uses you as a spare . put her feet on two boats. I wish her boy friend leaves her too. if she truly loves you, she would be separated with the boy friend already. think why you got divorced in the first place! text you 75+ per day while she has a boy friend, she is sick, and a player big time.

Answer 2

Me mum and pa have the same problem. They divorced in '94. At first, after she took us all to Missouri, he couldn't stand to speak to her. He went through a drinking thing, took up smoking again, had a heart attack, and then, (in a rush, it felt to me) was married by '98.

13 years on, and things have improved. We moved back up to Chicago, so they've been in a lot more frequent contact in the last few years. Similarly to you, they talk all the time, and when they come over, they tend to be somewhat more then friendly, it seems to me. She's still unmarried, and not even in a very committed relationship. I've dug through her texts ("I was playing tetris, ma, honest!"), and found some rather candid things said to her by him. 'I'll always want you back, you were always the girl for me' etc. And yet she says the same types of things, especially "I love you but I'm not in love with you"


the point is, I guess, there will always be a very particular relationship held between two people who were once in love, whether you like it or not. Inevitably, when not forced into heavy contact with the things that drove someone crazy about their lover, they will find it much easier to enjoy the things that made them fall in love to begin with. There will always be fondness, remembrance of the good days, and a general connection.



If you want her back, think about what made you break up, and what's changed. For my parents, it was my pa's job; he was never home, no matter how much money we had. And no matter what he does, he can never change that. But it's all dependent on your circumstances; if it's something you think you can honestly change, or if circumstances are better now, maybe you can give it a shot. But you have to be willing to be very self-critical, and probably make some serious changes and sacrifices. It's not easy, but trust can always be rebuilt. And the most important thing is to always consider her feelings, and take it slow. Whatever damage there might be between you will take time to heal, but in the meantime, you have to be willing to work on yourself to prove to her that you can go the distance. It's all about what you're willing to put forth.

Answer 3

Obviously she loves her boyfriend more than you. So I think you should have a new life with a girlfriend.

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Answer 4

She's using you pal, can't you see that. The next time she calls you, tell her it's over, as long as she's sleeping with another guy, why would you want her around, she apparently doesn't want you.

I went through this, only to come back to find her with a IUD and her telling me she wants to "make sure" I left, telling her to call me when she fells she can take that out, the longer it's in, the more time I'm going to need.

Although it came out right away, I didn't rush back. I didn't go back, she came back begging several months later. I let her back on a trial basis, I just didn't need all that crap.
It's been years but, it's never been the same anymore, I can feel it, I know she knows.

She knows she made a great mistake and she's waiting for my shoes to drop under another bed, I let her believe that.

Answer 5

It sounds to me as if she is keeping you on the back burner in case she and her boyfriend don't work out. Right now she is saying she is not 'in love' with you because she is involved and wants to keep you at bay. However, if her boyfriend dumped her I bet she would be saying 'She loved You instantly'. She is probably insecure and with you making a lot of money she needs to keep you around in case things don't work out.

I would cut her off, besides how can any relationship work if you are behaving like she is? Red Flags for you because if she is behaving like this while with her boyfriend, she would surely do it to you if someone better came along.

Answer 6

Maybeshe wants her boyfriend to catch her. Or She just wants to make sure that you will aways be there.

Stay away so that you can heal otherwise you will never be able to move on. Let face it if she was not happy with the boy friend then she would leave.

Believe me she just wants to make sure you will still jump and run to her. She has the best of both worlds.

I see this every day in my line of work

Answer 7

people often tend to long for their previous relationships and sometimes they compare what they have now with what they had in the past...i think she's not in love with u, she's in love with the life she had with u once...maybe her life sucks because ur not with her, or that's what she believes...of course this is wrong...but u know i can't judge...maybe she realized u were the love of her life....and the only one who understands her better... so u gotta talk and sort things out...if u still feel that u still love each other then go back 2 her...just be true 2 urself...

Answer 8

it sounds like she is not sure what she wants she obiviously would find it hard to get over u after bein with u 8 yeras however it seem like she is not sure weather or not its gunna last with her new boyfriend so she is keepin u waitin around just in case it doesnt so she could go back to u and not be alone i think u should try to move on and find someone else as hard as that mite be but shre is not doin u any goood!!

Good Luck i hope u find the answer to ur problem

Answer 9

Ok this is a similar question you posted before, but you left the part out where "she divorced you because she THOUGHT you were cheating".

Like I said previously a woman does not divorce because of a thought.

Nice one James.

Answer 10

I think you should let it go and move on...stop the txmges and tell her to go on with her life while you can concentrate on a new life ....I know it's hard but it will be better for everybody involved...good luck