When I try to make people happy....?

Question

I want to help other people and do nice stuff for them, but I always end up getting hurt or feel unappreciated.

My friend asked me I would make him a CD and download like 10songs for him. I did it, and brought my laptop to school. I didn't even get a thank you.

I spent 2hours yesterday doing health homework for the rest of my class and today I found out that I did the wrong part (lack of communication) and the rest of the class just yelled at me and the 2hours I spent was wasted.

I tried to do some nice things for my bf as well and he didn't even say thank you.

I can't help but help other people and do nice things, I've tried to stop but I can't.

I said something about not feeling appreciated to my bf and now he wont talk to me and he's gone off in a sh*tty!!

What do I do? I feel like I can't win!

Gussie I live in New Zealand. We start school in Jan and finish in November. I am at school currently. I go to University in Feb next year. I don't tell people (my friends) about my past, they know nothing and I want it to stay that way.

Answer 1

First and foremost:
YOU CANNOT MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

Dear, you should understand that you are NOT unique to be in this dilemma, millions of people are. I WAS exactly like you at young age but now I have become wiser though sometime even now I fall into this trap of helping others.

1. Basically persons are good natured and they remain so for a long time but the systems/circumstances make a few of them just the opposite.

2. However, people are also selfish. The selfishness comes basically from inertia (not willing to do things unless forced) but grooming also plays a large part in it. If most people don't even say 'thanks', it is more likely that they are lazy in saying so.

3. The irony, that people like you and me face, is that most of the time we are taken for granted. The reason for this lies in the fact that the thing which is available free or cheap does not carry any value. [Why diamond and gold are costlier than other things?] Because you (and also me) are easily available to others for the help, they do not value our help and take us for granted.

4. By readily agreeing to help others we set-up a standard for us and any time we fall short of that standard we are frowned upon. The reactions of your class (in health homework case) and your b/f are the results of this. Both of them didn't expect you to act the way you did and now both are angry with you.

5. I know it is not easy to change your helping nature, and I am not advocating for it but I suggest is to change the perspective. Also, use a little discretion.

Continue helping others not because you can't help it but because it is the right thing to do. You are a fine person who has compassion for others, just stop expecting anything from others even a 'thank you'. If any cost is involved tell them in advance that they would have to bear the cost. If you can gather some courage then put a little cost on your efforts/time also. You will see, most of them would back off.

Use a bit of discretion while helping others. First find out whether they can do it without your help or not. Help only when they can't do it any other way. You can site shortage of time as the excuse for denying them your help. If you must help, go ahead and do it and then forget about it.

In any case, stop considering your position as a 'No Win' situation. A good samaritan is NEVER a loser, losers are those who are ungrateful.

Hopefully, it will put some smile back on your face.

Answer 2

Wabby ,For whatever reason, it appears that you are trying too hard to get others to like you.You say that you feel that others don't appreciate your efforts. I try to help others and show kindness but my actions are never motivated by the search for appreciation.I make my choices based on doing the right thing.If someone shows appreciation for my efforts then that is a bonus.I think some of the examples you gave show that some of these people are not your friends.They are users.Ask yourself what were these "friends " doing while you spent all that time doing their homework.A real friend would not abuse the friendship by asking for these self-serving favors from you.Your"friends " are selfish and your boyfriend is immature.Wabby ,I've said it before, that you have to learn to love yourself and accept that none of us is perfect.The only thing we can do is our best each day.No one can do better than that.Wabby hopefully when school starts up you will have had time to work on saying the word no.It is alright to say no to others.Your friends will understand.You will wear yourself down trying to be all things to all people.No one can keep that up. School is starting soon and hopefully you will have a fresh start.Take care.

Answer 3

First of all, stop being a people pleaser. When you're a people pleaser, you are never happy with yourself and you never feel happy.

It's wonderful that you want to help people out, and you should be thanked. For those that are being rude (your boyfriend and that guy that you made the CD for) to you, just say, 'Hey, a thank you would be nice.' It may seem rude, but you do deserve it.

I would dump that jerk if he treats you like that for expressing your feelings. You deserve so much better. You seem like a very nice young lady, and your heart is in the right place. It's all just not necessary though.

I wish you the best.

Answer 4

Well,in my opinion, theres not much you can do. You seem like a very nice person, there should be more people like you in this world. If they don't appreciate what you do, then maybe you should try ( just try again) to stop helping those who don't appreciate the things you do, and help those who do appreciate your kindness. There will be people who will be thankful for you help and who will appreciate what you do for them. Those who don't show an ounce of appreciation don't deserve your kindness.
I hoped i helped in some way. : )

Answer 5

You seem like a sweet person with good motives, but people are responding to your lack of confidence. If you act like people's little sidekick loser, they'll treat you that way. I had the same problem. Read self help books and you'll probly grow out of it. What do you really want out of life? Move toward that. (It's probably respect). P.S. Don't go ask if you should read self help books.

Answer 6

Ow dear... being nice is not always good, appreciate that you've been such a nice and helpful friend, I wish that I have kind of friend. Once, you should give them a bad attitude, probably they will be surprised and they will miss that sweet things from you.

Answer 7

wabby, honestly , that happen to me once... the same thing happen in ur class.....
people just don't no how to appericate about what good u do to them....
they never say thank u to u.....
u r totalli rite! of cuz after u spent ur pericious time doin things for other ppl, at least , u want them to say thank u... that's the nature of humans.....
but don't b too nice to ppl .....

Answer 8

You know what? People have gotten accustomed to your kindness. STOP BEING NICE!!!!! Maybe then people will appreciate the little nice things you do!

Answer 9

Even though you're not being appreciated directly from the people you are helping, you will be. And maybe not by them, but in a different situation (maybe someone else notices all of your good deeds .... and something good will come from that!)

What goes around comes around and you'll feel it soon.

Answer 10

People take people for granted. If I weren't a true believer, it'd irritate the hell out of me. :-)

I usually just say "You're welcome," if people thank me or not. If they don't get the idea, I find someone else to do nice things for.