My ex wife's boyfriend hit my 7 y/o son in the head as a form of discipline.?

Question

My ex and I share joint custody of our 3 kids. Shortly after our divorce was final in April 07 my wife and kids moved in with her boyfriend and his 2 kids. My son is 7 and the only male of the 5 kids. Last weekend my son said to me that the bf is mean to him and does not like him. He tells me this every time he is with me. Each time I ask him why he feels this way and he always says "he yells at me". This time when I asked, my son said the bf hit him in the head causing him to bang his head on a door knob. The next day I called my ex. She confirmed what my son said and that she was not there at the time. She also said the bf has spank my son twice. I was livid. Then my ex tried to minimize the bf's actions. I told her this guy never lays a hand on any of our kid's again for any reason. I have never met this guy and worry that this could happen again with horrific results. What should I do to make sure my kids are safe and never abused by this guy. I'm very concern for there safety.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear of your predicament. It is too late now, but I think it is best to have it written in a divorce settlement that neither spouse (or ex I guess) can move in with another member of the opposite sex unless they are married.

The fact is, her bf has no right to lay a hand on any of your children for any reason. I am guessing he is not their legal guardian and he has not adopted them. Him spanking your children is no different than me spanking a strangers kid on the street.

Despite what people are saying on here...do not touch the bf or your ex-wife. You will end up in jail, there will be no one to protect your children, and you will only weaken your case.

What I would recommend doing:

1. Call Child Protective Services and start an investigation. Your ex-wife and bf are going to deny this ever happened. It will be your son against his mother and her bf. Talk with the rest of your children and see if they will back the story up. If CPS finds that the child is at risk with your ex-wife...you should be able to get emergency custody of the children fairly easily.

2. Talk with the police in the town where your ex-wife resides (this is going to tie into suggestion #3). See if you can find a police officer who will sit down and talk with you. Make them aware of the situation. See what the suggest to do. Try and make a friend so you have someone you can work with if this happens in the future.

3. Buy your son and/or oldest child a prepaid cell phone. You can get a Tracfone at Wal-Mart for $20. With a year long service card, it works out to about $8 a month. Give it to your son and let him know that if this ever happens again, to call you right away. Keep it a secret from his mother and their bf. You want to make sure he has an avenue of communication to you in case your ex wife won't let them use the phone. If he calls and reports the bf has hit him, consider calling the police in their town (there is a drawback to this though...chances are, the police won't let you take the children, they will only take the bf out of the home. The bf is going to come back eventually. If you don't have an order of protection or anything in place...then it might put your son in greater jeopardy).

4. Talk to your lawyer, especially if CPS says the case has merit. See if you can file for custody again.

5. Talk to your ex-wife. If your son is causing tension with her bf, she may very well not want your son around anymore (or any of the kids for that matter). Be polite and offer a solution. Tell her it sounds like it isn't working out between your son and her bf. Offer to take your son from her and see how it goes. Always let your lawyer know what is going on so she doesn't turn around and sy you kidnapped your kid.

6. Trade. As i said, I think it is a good idea to have in the divorce settlement that neither parent can move in with another mate with the kids unless they are married. If you ex asks you to change the settlement, say you want that clause implemented. IF she wants more child support...tell her fine, but then add the clause to the settlement in return.

Good Luck to you. Call CPS and get a case started right away. You'll be stirring a hornet's nest, so be prepared for blow back, but it has to be done.

EDIT: SexyBrownEyeGirl above me has a great point and I wanted to acknowledge it. Your son might be blowing things out of proportion in hopes of steering his mom and dad back together. However, as a parent, I think you need to error on the side of caution. Let CPS sort everything out. If you are wrong and your son lied or blew it out of proportion, you will only have a pissed off ex. If you don't act on it and the bf is hitting your son...who knows what might happen if the bf gets drunk or as your son gets older and might talk back.

Answer 2

Hi Christopher,

I think the first thing to realize here is that it's a very difficult situation and you being the biological father have every right in protecting your kids whether they are with you or your ex.

This bf your ex has, seems to have a lack of experience with children, which then leads to him being physically aggressive,this is NOT acceptable.

I suggest that either you discuss this incident with your ex and tell her to pass on the message to this guy that if he hits any of your kids again you will take legal action.She is also partly to blame.A mother who lets her kids get hurt is not doing the best of jobs,and let her know that very clearly.

Tell your son how much you love and care for him and what will happen if this guy hits him again.Tell him to always let you know if this man physically abuses him in any way and to not be scared because you're his father and will always protect him.

If you and your ex never hit your kids in the past there is no reason for them to get hit now.

Keep an eye on this guy and alert your lawyer and the authorities if you hear about it again.

All the Best.

Answer 3

I would contact social services and report this immediately. This is so wrong and he has no right to lay one hand on your kid's!! This really upset me when I read your question because my 3 year old nephew was killed by the babysitter! She hit him on the back of his head and lived 26 hours on life support before he died. This was such a tradgedy for our family and we still can't believe it. She had him only 3weeks into babysitting and she ran to the foreign country she came from. They never found her and that was 6 years ago. If your ex is aware about this abuse from her boyfriend she needs to remove him from the lives of your children. She has to be crazy to put up with this and tollerate such abuse on your children . I would file a child protection order against this man and legally have him removed away from the children. Good luck and take care and do whatever you have to do to keep your beautifull children safe.

Answer 4

You are right to be angry! Protect your children.
Get in touch with the courts RIGHT AWAY! Also, make a police report. In fact, I'd contact Protective Services as well.
Most important.....DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.
Oh, I'd also get your son checked out by his Doctor. Getting banged on the head is nothing to play around with.
Especially when it's an adult beating up on a kid.

Answer 5

First of all this bf has no right to discipline your children that is your exs responsiblity. I would be livid too and it might be in your best interest to persue child custody of these children or maybe just your son, or u might get a phone call saying your boy has been admitted to the hospital with bruises from a beating he recieved at the hands of this b/f. sounds to me like mom is too interested in the b/f then her kids welfare, and u need to talk to the other kids u have with her and ask them point blank if they are getting mistreated. but u definately need to step up to the plate and make sure u get at least your son back or he will learn that aggression and anger is the only way to deal with people. good luck and i hope u do what is best for your son...

Answer 6

It's up to you to protect your son from this person. Either you meet this fellow and tell him point blank" keep your hands off my kid " and when you tell him , mean it. Don't ever put your children in a situation where you can't protect them, they'll never forget that you did. Your ex-wife is wrong for allowing this to happen but it's obvious she's will not be the one to come to the rescue, so, who does that leave???Right. You Dad. Sorry to say this but if we were taking about my kids, its not their safety that would be in jeopardy. Man Up .

Answer 7

Well first of all u need to meet this guy. And when this Bf Hits one of ur kids again and trust me he will u make sure u take ur kid to the police department so he can tell what happened that way it will be on file. and u need to keep a record of all the things that happen when u get ur kids on the weekends. that way when u do happen to go tocourt u will have evidence. The reason i know is cause the same thing happened to my stepson his moms bf would be very mean to him and hit him and sometimes left him marks. Another thing may sure ur ex doesn't leave them alone with the Bf.

Answer 8

OMG...... what the hell is your ex wife doing, this is so wrong he has no righta syou know and im sure she must know that he should not be laying a hand on your kids or anykids for that fact.....Im amazed that you have not even met this jerk yet? and you allowed your ex wife move in with a man that you have never met with YOUR kids?...come on.Fair enough its her boyfriend....but your kids welfare should come first its painfully obvious that she does not see this and to try to stick up for him to justify his action upon your son...not to mention HER son also...is she all there...or is she thinking about what she is bedding is far more important.If I were you I would think seriously aboiut seeking proffessional help and let the welfare system know what is going on as soon as possible!...another smart thing would be to get your kids out of there as for sure this bastard willonly keep on doing it and it will get worse and she wont even stop it!...shame on her some mother!

Answer 9

This is not cool at all. He may be that way with the ex also, violent reactions like this don't just happen. If she continues to minimize this behavior it may be that she is afraid of him. Which doesn't matter at all, there are laws protecting children from this kind of behavior. If she can't stop it, they can.

Answer 10

i think you should have a talk with this guy and your ex-wife together. if things doesn work out, you'll have to ask a lawyer for help so that you can keep your kids with you at all times or you'll have to report him to the police. that's child abuse. the kid can get seriously hurt esp. since he's a full-grown adult.