Why does my husband dislike my kids from a previous marriage??

Question

When my second husband and I got married, him and my two kids, boy and girl, got along great. It's now 6 years later and now he has nothing good to say about either of them. They are now (daughter) 20 and (son) 24. They don't live with us. We don't pay their bills. I just don't understand. It has started causing alot of problems between him and I. PLEASE HELP!!

Answer 1

I think some men are insecure when it comes to step-children. They see how well you've raised them and they didn't have a part of that. Also, step-children are a part of someone that you have loved before, and I think it's hard for a man to think that you loved someone else before him. It's a jealousy thing too. I have the same problem. it is hard to handle, but some men need to grow up! Men like that shouldn't marry a woman with children. They get a whole package, not just the woman. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

I'm a step mum and i just have to say that it is really hard accepting that your partner has kids that arent yours. I love my step daughter to bits and i am there for her in everyway and i would protect her anyway i could. But sometimes i do get a little jealous i suppose of my husband as he has this wonderful child and i dont have any. The only other thing that i find hard to deal with is her age. She's a lot younger then your two but because i've not had kids yet and because i'm not sure how to act sometimes i can find it really difficult to know how to deal with the moods and back chat, and questions. You just have to talk to your husband about it and see what is wrong. I talk to my husband all the time and i still struggle it is really hard being a step parent. You are never quite sure how to react to certain things, you feel you have to constantly check that what you are doing is right. Also have either of your kids said something to him to make him feel inadequate. My step daughter says things to me that she would never dream of saying to her dad, but only when her dad isnt around. I hope any of this helped.

Answer 3

I lived the same situation. At first I did not understand, however as I evaluated everything and spoke with my husband, I discovered that he was being selfish.

It could be that he was into you and not necessarily your children. I know it's difficult to accept the thought of that. However, when a man truly cares about your children, it should be evident that he has accepted them as his own and nothing should keep him distant from them even as adults.

Although you are to put your husband first, you should not have to be concerned as to why he has no interest in your children. At this point they are his children as well and that does not sound like a healthy family unit.

My advice is to seek counsel. You do not throw a marriage away over conflict with your children, however you definitely need to address these issues and protect your relationship with your children. Best Wishes and Take Care.

Answer 4

It was differnet when they were small they did not have a reason to dislike him because of the way he treated them. Now since they ae of age or he has been withoyu so long he does not feel that he has to get along with them because he is married. See he had to be nice to you to get to you and to show you that he was nice and accepted that you have kids by a previous relationship when all along he did not like your kids fom the beginning. I had an ex like that he made me see him as this nice person that had accepted that I had kids and as the years went by I was in denial when my kid told me that she did not like him and that he does not talk to her until she asked him something and she called him 3 times and he never answered. I yelled at him and told him that why was he ignoring her that she asked him a question he claimed he did not hear her and she was hurt and it hurt me because I had been with him so long that i have never seen him treat her like that. I stood with him for 5 years and I got so fed up with there relationship that I had to make my kid happy cause she wasn't and the more I stood the more she did not want to stay. I learned that I could not just make myself happy but i had to make my kid happy and tell myself that it was not about me and my relationship it was about her and I left him and I never looked back. We have a kid together and he does the same thing to her she barely see him and when she does he brings her right back. i guess since he is married now he spends more time with her than my kid. Think about it if your kids are not happy and they are not getting along that should tell you that you will not be happy because of the way he treats your kids. they were there long before him and if he can not accept them then find someone who will. Hell, they are grown now and they can tell him how they feel whether he likes it or not what is he going to do whip them. If your kids do not care about how he feels about them then leave him rant it will not get him no where.

Answer 5

Ok theres more to this story , some way or another, so im going to take some guesses on what could be going on..

1. does he have children of his own? If he does, he could be having jealousy issues, or guilt issues.. either that he does more or has done more for your kids then he could for his, or was there more for your's then his own or it could be that he feels that they may not be excelling as well as your kids, and is envious of that. If he has his own kids, theres something out there "the root" that is causing him to feel that your kids are coming before his in some way shape or form. And its gotten under his skin.

2. If he doesnt have kids of his own.. it could be that he feels that maybe your still very consumed in your children, and is jealous of either the time u give your children or the relationship that u have with ur children.. and he feels slited in some way, as if your children come before he does.. even now that they are old enough to stand on their own to feet, sometimes people understand that whole need to put ur kids first in a relationship up until the time they are 18 then they no longer want to be put on the back burner they want to be first in ur life. And to a degree he would be right in feeling that way. Not to the point u shouldnt care about ur kids, but eventually u have to cut the apron strings and put him first unless its a life or death situation of course.. because he is your husband , u are his wife, and even the bible says ur suppose to put ur spouse ahead of everyone else even children because ur vowed to each other for life. Doesnt mean u cut ur kids out of ur life, u just put ur husband on the front burner where he would of been if he had been the actual father of ur children.

I think he has some sort of resentment towards ur kids and ur kids dont have to do anything to cause that resentment , it could be how u make him feel when it comes to ur kids, perhaps that their needs and wants come first above his even now that their grown. Could be that in some way u make him feel inferior to your kids, and he has started resenting ur children for how u make him feel and not that they actually have done anything to provoke it other then exsist.

Do u put ur children ahead of him? do u stop your life when ur children want or need something? Does he perhaps want to make plans to do something different for holidays, but because u do things different because of your kids, u tell him no to his wants because of ur kids? Do u neglect him to do for your kids? are u consumed in your childrens lives and put him on the "when i have time" .. I think u need to really figure out whats going on, talk to him find out why he feels this way because with out knowing the problem u cant fix it.. and try to look at it from a 3rd party prospective it could be that ur to close to the situation to even see where he is coming from and get totally defensive when he even trys to tell u because your to busy being the protective lioness over her cubs rather then being his best friend , his wife..

Answer 6

maybe he just don't like the fact that they have their own opinions and might not agree with his all the time therefor causing him to get upset. I don't know what to tell you to do about it , I mean try talking to him about it see what the problem is. If nothing else , the kids are always going to be yours, husbands can be replaced as you well know .

Answer 7

Sounds like hubby has a chip on his shoulder about something else, and the children are the scapegoats, are things alright between you apart from this problem, can you have a calm discussion and sort it out?

Answer 8

They are not his children. When they were teenagers, he was just getting to know them on a full-time basis. Now he's realizing that knowing them is a lifetime proposition and it's not a comfortable thing. Maybe he wouldn't mind their foibles or personality quirks if they were his children and he saw himself in them. But they are not! If you are a father to a child, you do realize that it is a lifetime proposition to stay in their lives (not talking about the deadbeat dads, now) and you accept that. He's not their dad and he doesn't.

Answer 9

i dont know what kind of adult,can find something so wrong,to treat them like that.dont put up with that crap,those are your kids,take up for them,and tell your husband they came before he did,either learn to talk respectfully or hit the door.

Answer 10

Maybe he feels like now that they are out of the house he should be getting more of your time and attention or maybe he's mad that you two didn't have children of your own.