I've been dating this guy for about a month now, and I really really like him!!! I met his sister today and come to find out I slept with her husband about 3 months ago. I didn't know he was married. I feel awful and guilty, ans ashamed. I really like this guy that I'm with, but I don't know what to do now that I know i slept with his brother in law. Should I play it cool or what??? Please don't be harsh with your answers...
2007-08-08 18:22:07 · 13 answers · asked by jo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If she doesn't know who you are, I would keep quiet. You made a mistake even though you didn't know it at the time, but your past is YOUR past and no one else's. You don't need to divulge this information anymore than any other relationship you may have had in the past.
2007-08-08 18:26:20 · answer #1 · answered by momofoneson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, its my honest opinion, and experience, to NEVER talk about any lover you've had with the new man you're with. Its highly unlikely that the cheat you slept with would say anything at all because of his character (once a cheat, always a cheat). Take the utilitarian approach. Think of the greater good for all involved. Telling your new guy will only "let you off the hook" (IN YOUR DREAMS) in case the cheat says something, maybe. Telling the new guy would hurt too many people in reality: the wife that got cheated on, your new man, the kids, and whom ever else holds an interest here.
Considering all this, I wouldn't say anything at all, even if you and your new man end up getting married years down the road. If the thing does come out, you're still good because honestly, you didn't know the man was a cheat and I'm sure that is why you broke up with him! Tell your man that if it comes out. And if it comes out, tell him that you were looking after other people's feelings as well. I hope this makes sense and I hope it helps.
Good luck.
2007-08-09 01:34:50 · answer #2 · answered by volkgal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sister, you'd better play it cool, never admit anything. You two may come face to face one day. Act like you've never met. And don't do it again, as long as you're with this guy. If you tell anyone about what happened You will definitely lose. Although you didn't know, you're still in a sticky situation. Just be cool, and Be Happy!!
2007-08-09 01:57:51 · answer #3 · answered by angel_handz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you weren't with him then so you really don't have to or need to discuss it with him. Who you need to desperately talk this over with is his brother in law. Like you said, you didn't know he was married so you should ask him why would he do that. Yeah, go from there. If you still feel bad about the situation then maybe the cure is to talk to your boyfriend. If he likes you as much as you like him then he won't get mad with you. He'll be angry with his brother in law. You need to speak up either way, but talk to the brother in law first because he may be sorry for committing adultery. If he doesn't seem sorry then you need to let your boyfriend know so he can warn his sister and she can decide if she wants a better man.
2007-08-09 01:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by ashley l 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is indeed an awkward situation. I think you should tell the guy you like that you slept with his brother in law and see how he will react. Because you can not keep hiding this since you may be at his brother in law presence for sure.
If it didn't work out, then its not your fault, he should not judge you for stuff you did before meeting him, don't feel bad coz you didn't know the other guy was married!
2007-08-09 01:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. Thats a toughie! On one hand you don't want to lie to your BF especially if you think it will go somewhere.. marraige. But also. You don't want to say anything that will totally ruin the others marraige. Although he deserves it. You can either take the higher road and tell your BF and see what comes of it. OR. Live with the secret, overcome it and see what happens! Sorry I have no better advise... that really sounds like something from a movie.
2007-08-09 01:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by Megan M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow that is a difficult situation. but honesty is always teh best choice cuz no matter what the truth always comes out. i doubt her husband will say nething bt who knows what might slip out of someones mouth. and if ur relationship lasts a long time n then he finds out from someone else that could ruin everything, its best u tell him yourslef. n if he tells his sis then at least she will know her husband is a liar n cheater and mayb she would leave him n find someone else who will be honest with her. she will prob hate you for a while but at least ur bf will know ur an honest person and hwo knows mayb once you stress the fact that you didnt know he was married she and your bf will realize you have done nothing wrong. starting a relationship with a lie always ends in some big *** dramatic heart breaking fight. n if he leaves you then it wasnt meant to be.
2007-08-09 01:34:02 · answer #7 · answered by jae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's the cheater, don't take on his guilt for him, you had no way of knowing, in fact he's a cheater and a liar, and everybody already knows.
so, keep your cool, and don't say a thing.
time will be your friend, you've got nothing to gain by divulging your personal pre-relationship affairs, mums the word keep cool.
Remember, it's his GUILT, and you don't have to bear the burdon, Let him!
2007-08-09 01:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by motogirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you slept with her husband,yeah sure its wrong. but its not your fault that you know that the guy is a perv...you didnt know he's married. just dont say anything. dont open it to the guy or to anyone...dont feel bad of it because you didnt know it...if you really like the guy go ahead...dont be affected...
2007-08-09 01:30:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, he probably won't tell. so if you decided not to, it might work. however, these types of things tend to come out in the open anyway and it might be better to at least tell him. be honest and say you were under the impression he was not married. see what he says. i really think its best to air these things out. you would hate to have such a heavy burden on you all that time.
2007-08-09 01:28:45 · answer #10 · answered by Ana H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋