My wife won't get an abortion? D=?

Question

My wife is 13 weeks pregnant and refuses to abort.
She has already been put on modified bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy.
For heart problems.
Our ob/gyn has discussed with me that abortion would be best.
We have a 13 month old son and I think she's being selfish for carrying through with this pregnancy.
Is there any advice someone can give me to convince her to have one?

I don't think I'm selfish for wanting the love of my life to STAY in my life.

I'm asking such a question because I feel that online is a good place to ask it. Yes, it's personal, I know, but I feel I have no one else to turn to on this, I really need another view.

Answer 1

I am anti abortion.....but also a bit pro choice. This situation is a tough one.
I suggest you and your wife pray and pray....ask friends to pray and ask God for a sign. Ask Him to show your wife what she needs to do. She is a woman who knows what it is like to carry a child, give birth to it and tend to it. It is hard to make a choice to end the process.

Sometimes when there are tough decisions there need to be a bit of time to let go of the emotional reaction and give the brain time to process this. I have a feeling the more you say DO IT - she will resist it. She needs to know that you too struggle concerning the life of your child. Have a non-judgmental/nonsided conversation with her. Ask her to help you make a list of pros and cons. Tell her that your mind and heart are open and that as a couple you need to come to a decision.
If she decides to keep the pregnancy.......the two of you and the doctor need a "whatif plan" What if she hemorages? What if she goes in to cardiac arrest? What if she dying.....who gets medical attention first. Mom or the fetus?
There is a point where she has to realize that the loss of both her and the baby would be too much for the family to bare.
If she continues she must agree to reasons that she will have to choose the Procedure.

Tell her that you will non judmentally listen to her without you saying a word. if she will do the same to you.....listen without interruption. I learned a few years ago that just because you listen to someone doesn't mean that you agree with that person. It just means that you are listening.

Your wife is very hormonally emotional. You are very practable and pragmatic. There needs to be a blending of the two.

So, stop trying to convince her and start open communication so that she doesn't shut you out completely. It is a mother's joy to protect her children. It is a father's job to see the bigger picture. The two will come together.


God bless you all

P.S. wow lots of people didn't read the question correctly.
You definatly arn't the monester some think. Also, being a Christian doesn't mean that an emergency procedure isn't the answer. Life is complicated. This is not an easy decision for any of you. God will give you peace. If she won't go through it........then don't make this a 8 month fight. Tell her you have her back and support, but she also needs to agree with the "what if Plans" if a quick life and death decision needs to be made.

If the baby is aborted, it's little soul will go right to God and be waiting for her family in heaven. I believe that with all that is within me. Infact I have three grandchildren there that spontaniously aborted. We grieved the loss. And I have one baby there, who tried, but didn't make it past the second month. If your baby is lost assume your wife that the child will have a name and be remembered as a member of the family. There are some parents of babies who are still born or born too early that Bury the child. It is a tremendous loss.

Answer 2

I have seen in cases like this, that more often than not, when a mother refuses to abort the baby, usually the baby and mom do OK through the pregnancy and birth.

When the mom gets the abortion, it is when the mom takes the turn for the worst. Thus it seems the doctors were correct, but the above proves that wrong.


Your wive should be held in the highest regard by you. She has decided that your unborn child is not a piece of trash, to be put in the refuse bin.

She has decided that your unborn child is something precious, something that she cherishes and loves. Despite the risk to her.

It was mentioned once, would you really let your 13 month old get run over by a truck, so you would not get hurt or die? Or would you do what ever you could to save the 13 months old's life?

If you say, save his life, then you an get a grasp of what your wife is feeling.

Maybe put it this way. Your house is on fire, and your son is inside his bedroom, wife is in the garden, then she sees the fire.

What would you expect her to do? What would you want her to do?

Would you be happy if she just called the Fire Department and then kept watering the garden, making no attempt at saving your son, that way she wouldn't risk her life, leaving you alone?

Or would you rather her drop the hose, yell at a neighbor to call 911 and run in to get your son out of there while he was alive?

Seriously, how you answer the fire question, is how your wife feels about your unborn child. More than likely.

Oh, I am sorry about the typos, the spellcheck is not working right now.

Answer 3

Unless she doesn't know that her ob/gyn told you that she should get an abortion, then she has already heard everything, and there is nothing else you can say. You cannot "convince" her to have one, as it is her decision. You may think she is being selfish, but I'm sure she also realizes that this will probably be her last pregnancy, and wants to give it a shot. Just because the ob/gyn says abortion is best, doesn't mean it is. You need to get other opinions from other doctors, and you need to TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Not her doctors. If you think she is being selfish, tell her. Don't tell some people on a forum. You need to figure out what to do as a couple. Ask her why she doesn't want to abort. And then, figure out the best solution as a COUPLE. But you need to also realize that in the end, this is her choice.

Answer 4

I honestly don't believe that your wife is intentionally being selfish. She just feels an overwhelming love for her unborn child. It's a feeling that men will never feel because they can't get pregnant.

Is your wife's life in danger? Surely her doctor can explain the possible outcomes if this pregnancy is that dangerous. She has to realize that if the worst were to happen she'd be leaving behind not only her husband and toddler but a newborn baby as well.

Abortion doesn't have to be the only answer. Your wife doesn't have to have a natural delivery if her heart can't take it. A c-section, although a major surgery, will eliminate the stress of labour and contractions.

Whatever happens I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Answer 5

I know that you are deeply concerned about her condition because you love her so much and you don't want anything to happen to her. Maybe she really wants this baby, just as much as your having a problem convincing her to abort she's prob feeling the same way trying to convince you to let her go through with this. I know you think its selfish but at the same time think about how she felt when she gave birth to your son. Maybe she's hoping this is her little girl and that you all will have a beautiful family. The thing I would do is support her with her decision and go over all the risks that are in play and all the things that can happen and if she still wants to go through with it support her and be there for her because thats all you can do.

Answer 6

She has the right to stand up for what she wants...and even if the ob says thats what best doesnt always mean that...they told my aunt the same thing and her baby lived up to 7 months then she had a still birth(baby is dead when born.) but she had her any way and now she is buried and we can go to her grave at any time..I would rather have her and get to bury the baby than have an abortion and not have anything at all to show for being pregnant...I think abortion is wrong under every reason that you can have one...except if her life is in danger. I have had 2 miscarriages and it hurts to know that you have lost something that you created...why dont you sit down and talk with her about it and actually listen and see her point of view..coming from a woman im sure that you will understand her reason...
Good Luck
*Ashlei

Answer 7

Just let her do this. There's so many cases of people who don't trust the doctor, who is always covering their own asses and everything works our fine.
If she feels she can make it, let her try. She could die of a broken heart for something she is forced to do that is agaisnt her morality.
She'd probably be plauged with depression and guilt the rest of her life, thinking that if she held out the baby would still be alive.
I know its hard for the dad to be so attached to a little baby before it's born or you can see it moving....but please know that moms are. And just let it be, dont cause anymore stress on her by trying to enforce this. She will know when it's time to make any big decisions.
And you wouldnt have much of a life if she feels forced into a abortion....she'd be in a bad state of mind.
I am sorry that your in this position and I realize that it;s scary, but abortion is not the answer.
If the body is so uncapable to sustain this life, it will abort it on it's own. Trust me on this. And trust the that doctor is just covering his.her ***. If he/she didn't advise this and say 5% chace your wife did having something major go wrong. What then? He/she would be in trouble. and 95% everything will work out! The doctor is more concerned about his/.her lawsuit than your potential baby.

Answer 8

you cannot make her have an abortion unless her life is in danger she should not have one Do you know what a baby looks like at 13 weeks maybe if you did you would not think of abortion either kudos to your wife. Check out this from a web site

Week 13


Your Baby:

Your baby's body systems are starting to work on their own. The digestive system practices moving food along the intestines and through the renal system and he can create and eliminate urine. He also continues to practice breathing the amniotic fluid in and out of his lungs. Your baby has tiny, soft nails on his fingers and toes, is growing hair and may even suck his thumb. Your baby is approximately 10-11.5 cm (3 ½ -4 inches) and weighs approximately 1.5 ounces.

Also, your baby's blood is beginning to form in the bone marrow and blood vessels are beginning to connect various parts of the fetus to another. The joints and muscles allow your baby full body movement so your baby is able to move around. The baby's neck is getting longer and his chin is no longer resting on his chest. The eyes and ears continue to move into place. The hands are becoming functional and reflex movements often occur. Nourishment now comes from the placenta. Remember, some of what you eat and drink is getting through to your baby. The doctor can tell if your baby is a boy or a girl using special tests.

Amniotic fluid is an amazing substance. It completely regenerates itself every three hours. We do know that it is partially composed of urine from the baby, but where amniotic fluid in general is made we are not sure. Modern medicine still has some surprises left.

This time next year your baby will be 25 Weeks Old!. Can you believe it? Time flies so fast! Be sure you start chronicling these memories now by creating your free pregnancy & baby journal today!

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going thought. Abortion is a hard subject for anyone. I feel the thing for you to do is to support what your wife is doing now. I understand that she has a heart problem but it would be worse for her if she didn't go though with the second birth of your child.. I think she is thinking about you more then herself. If anything was to happen to her you know she did it out of love for you and your two children. Talk with her doctors and see what they can provide to assist her before the baby is born. Make sure she keeps her doctors apt, and by all means go with her so that you know what is going on with her and her heart. Ask question's and tell the doctor your fears. They will make sure she has good care. I'm praying for you. It sounds like your wife loves you a lot.

Answer 10

An abortion should never be forced upon someone, especially in this case. She may suffer more mental issues from having one than physical issues from having the baby. She still has a chance to have a normal healthy child, don't you want a normal healthy child? It's your child too, and I believe abortion is trying to take the easy way out, but will be harder later on. She obviously doesn't want to kill her child, and if you force it upon her she could have serious mental problems. Maybe you could take on some responsibilities of the household until she has the baby, such as caring for your son. Imagine getting rid of that son now that he's a year old, and that's how you'll feel about your next child in another year.