Each time on my
leaving home I run
back to my mothers
arms,one last hold
then it's over.
Watching me, you know
I cry, you wave
a kiss goodbye.
Feel the sky fall
down upon me!
All I am
a child with promises
All I have
are miles full of
promises of home.
If only I could stay
with you,my train
moves on,you're
gone from view,Now
I must wait until it's over.
Day's will pass, your
words to me, it
seems to long, eternity
but I must wait
till it's over.
my friend gave me this
poem a lond time ago
so I thought I might
post it so others
could read it.
she said she coppied it some
where.
2007-08-08 17:02:57 · 6 answers · asked by *Ruffian* 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I THINK IT'S AWSOME. WHY DON'T YOU WRITE POEMS?
2007-08-08 20:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Kevin's assessment. However if you were going to rewrite this and attempt to make a stronger poem these are the lines I think you could work with (slightly modified by me):
I am a child with promises
Miles full of promises
My train moves on
You're gone from view
Those ideas struck me as potentially interesting here.
Take care
2007-08-09 00:32:17 · answer #2 · answered by Todd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always have got to rhyme however it demands to hit my feelings. I consider readability of expression is predominant as good. I do not love to moment bet what I'm studying approximately. I regularly appear for what I time period "poetic gemstones"within the textual content.
2016-09-05 12:56:20 · answer #3 · answered by sutter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it may be a poem found, but it really doesn't do much for me. The line breaks are confusing...there doesn't seem to be any reason to break them up the way they appear...promises repeated in the same stanza to no affect...should be "too long"...maybe just a typo...maybe it lost something in the passing. Sorry, that's about all I can see.
2007-08-08 17:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I enjoyed your poem a lot. You have a lot of imagination and the poem was very unique. I want to read more of your work because you are really good. I believe in you, and you will go really far. Keep writing, because you have an incredible gift. Keep your head up and don't let anyone stop you from pursuing your dreams. You're awesome.
2007-08-08 17:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by djb32067433_1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to concur with Kevin S.
This poem does not do it for me. The Stanza breaks throw everything out of balance. The form and structure are confusing.
Mayhaps your friend did not copy it properly when she copied it.
Peace,
Sam
2007-08-08 17:55:05 · answer #6 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋