My husband and I has become a stranger?

Question

We've just been married for 3 years , we had a boy (18 months) . Lately I always feel that he doesn't love me anymore . When he came back from working , he always looking for my boy , not me . When he saw me , he hardly have something to say to me . We do not have any romantic life , even when we are having sex , at first we had a 3 times a week , but now hardly have once in a month . When I asked abt it , he said " oh pls , I'm so tired " . But he still have the energy to play badminton . What should I do now ? Should I have a divorce ?

Answer 1

Tell him how you feel. Then, for 1 week or so, leave your son with a close family memeber, and GO ON A VACATION. You guys just need a little time to reconnect and rekindle what you used to have. I know yourson is importnant, but so is your marriage. If you can't work out your marriage, you'd be hurting your son anyway. Every friday night, you and your husband should go out to dinner and a movie or something, just to get that "together" time that you need.

Answer 2

It is a lonely feeling to feel as if your spouse no longer loves you any more. You feel helpless because you know that you cannot force someone to desire you. There are some little things that you can do immediately to see if there is any change.
Take him back to the beginning when he first laid eyes on you. If you can arrange care for your child, do so, just for the night. Plan a date. Go out to a nice restaurant (maybe somewhere you went when you dated). Make an effort to look attractive for him. Talk about the kinds of things people do when they aren't married. Talk about the things you did when you first met, and the early days of your marriage. Let him know that you miss being intimate.
If your budget allows, spend the night at a hotel. If not enjoy a night at home alone.
If you cannot get away without your little boy, wait until he is in bed and enjoy a nice dinner with your husband at home. Watch a favourite movie. Give him a massage, and seduce him.
Try and plan at least one day a week where the two of you can reconnect with one another. Call it 'date night'. Mark it on the calendar if you have to.
Let your husband know that you need to feel loved as a woman and not just as the mother of his child. One day your child will grow up, but your marriage endures. You need to nurture your relationship.

Your husband may be tired, and still play badminton. It is good that he plays some sport, and has on outet. You too need to have something that gives you an outlet too. Let him play his badminton but when it isn't badminton night, give him something else special to look forward to. He will start looking for you soon enough!

Good luck
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Answer 3

Divorce - no! Time for you and him to get away ... find a baby sitter for little one and surprise him by booking a get away weekend at a Bed and Breakfast somewhere in the country, beach .. somewhere romantic. Also, go out and get your hair done, manicure and a full makeover. You have not long had your baby and your body has changed, did you lose any baby weight? If so surprise your husband with something totally unexpected that he likes. ... now if after all of your efforts your husband still wants to play badminton if I were you I would check exactly the place where he is going and make sure that's all he is playing. From my experience, when I man says they are "too tired" that is a BAD sign. I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 4

What your going through happens to a lot of people. Men feel when the woman gets pregnant the man is left alone. Many months after the child is born this feeling that the man may have is still percolating until he can get over it and then connects with the child but, may have unresolved resentment about the wife. At that point he has connected with the child the same way a woman connects with the child before and after birth. Now the labor of having the child is done so to speak women seek the security and comfort from the one who says he loves you. When that is not there the mind tends to wonder all sorts of things and it seems to be more negative than positive ( I find that common in my life and working on choosing a more positive choice).
It is amazing the patterns I have seen over and over but, few can discuss openly with their mate without fear of reprisal or retaliation. Divorce seems to be no more different than suicide. Anything to make the pain to go away. Issues still exist and most times the communication skills still need to be addressed. Easier to explain than do. It seems the hard the things to accomplish in life are a step by step process and the rewards are revealed later than at first. We are all in the same boat. Please be careful not to get caught up in the masks people wear that implies their life is better than others. It is only a facade.
Hope you hang in there and you and your husband may find a common ground to work things out.
I hope his feelings are not based of appearance but, since men are so visual this could be an issue. Many times both mates care for themselves physically before the marriage and then the busyness of life and false sense of security of the marriage license concept negates the need for continued growth, passion and listening to each other. Best wishes, your on the right track asking the question, I just hope outside influences ruin what you have, ie:
guys talking to guys at work and women talking to each other. Finances play a huge role in the struggle because the man may feel he is doing such a large part as a provider and this may not be acknowledged by the wife. The man may not acknowledge the daily needs of being a mother. It sounds complicated and difficult but, I hope you can be done over time for your family's sake. Where does your child's future come into play?

Answer 5

My husband and i were in this situation when we had not one; but two babies within the first 2 years of marriage!! (yes, we were VERY BUSY =0) After i had them; I immediately went from Sexy Wife mode to Laid back Mother wife mode and then started to wonder some of the same things that you are. However, since me and my husband both agreed that DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION - EVER. So, I knew that I had to do something; ......so I got on my knees and prayed and guess what. GOD GAVE ME MY SEXY BACK!!! It was a bit awkward at first ; walking around in panties and leaving sexy notes around the house all in the process of "mommying" but NOW OH MY GOODNESS was it worth it!! We are more freakier than ever! and loving our children and parenting as well. Its been 3 more years and I thank God every day; that altough things were rough ifor a while; I knew that my husband was dedicated to me and faithful to our family so I had no choice but to make a change! P.S. DONT BE SO QUICK TO USE THE "D" WORD - Thats a cop out!! Marriage is hard work; so get to working!!! =0)

Answer 6

a child can be a life changing event. in this case, the child has changed everyone's life.

your husband comes home looking for 'my boy', not me'.

clearly your husband loves the child and since you brought the child here with the husband, he must love you too.

unfortunately your husband is not doing his duty where you are concerned. this happens often, the reason is not known.

after elvis pressley's wife had a child, he no longer gave his wife attention or serviced her. eventually she became involved with a man and elvis wanted him dead.

in your case, you may have gained weight and you are no longer slim and trim. in taking the best care of baby, maybe you longer spruce up yourself. maybe your husband sees you as 'the baby's mother', if this is the case you can change his view by training him.



as you know, longing makes the heart grow fonder. here is how you train him. don't ask for or demand service anymore. do a little withdrawal. don't let him see you in the birthday suit. buy an oversized pajama. when you need to change, change in the pajama or in the bathroom. but do not let him see you in the birthday suit. do not ask for service.

he could be servicing himself after he sees your birthday suit.

on short order he will notice that he is not seeing you and is going to start getting curious about you. if he decides to take some let him have is his way. compliment him on a job well done even if its not really good. let him know he is the 'man'.

after he takes it, the next day you can begin to play with the pogo stick after you go to bed, pretty soon it will come to life. again let him have his way. let him know what a bull he is and how much you appreciate his hard work. boost his ego.

there is not one man on earth who does not want to hear from his wife how powerful he is. so continue to boost the ego. let him know he is a real bull and you appreciate him and how he take care of things.

when opportune upon going to bed, play with the pogo stick and let him go crazy. when he does something that you really like, let him know very gently and by your soft moaning how much you like that. gently ask for more. boost the ego.

if necessary, fake a major volcanic eruption.

these is no man alive who does not want the put his woman to sleep (the old petit mort).



you need to be sweet, responsive and feminine. keep up the program. until he follows that training with your 'passive' leadership.

along with all the above you need to spruce up yourself. fluff or comb the hair, when he gets home try to be clean and made up lightly. use a little perfume. be certain the cat is fresh and clean. he might want of have a quick sip of the cat, so be sure its ready for him.

very important do not demand performance. no nagging. no complaining. all these this are big turn offs and in this process you don't want to cause any turn off's.

boosting the ego will keep him coming back.

let him know he is a real bull and you appreciate.

good luck hope this helps.

ps:

change your schedule so that you both go to bed at the same time hopefully earlier.

the last you or your son needs is no father. training is better than divorce.

Answer 7

It very well may not be you. I know after we had our children, we weren't as active any longer.

There's the time that mom is recovering and has to wait for the thumbs up from the doctor and then the late night feedings and diaper changes.

He could be struggling with something emotionally. My husband was so worried that he wasn't going to make a good father... Maybe your husband is over-compensating for the same fear?

Communication is key... have your little man watched by grandma one evening and go to dinner and have a nice heart to heart discussion about your relationship.

One person said earlier that 3 years is far too soon to give up.

My husband and I talked through and we're good now. We just celebrated our 13th anniversary in July.

It can happen, it just takes some work, and a little more effort during the trying times. (These are the times they seem to be referring to in... "for better and for worse")

Hang in there. It will get better.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I know this time must be very stressful for you both. You have a very young child who demands a lot of you both.

But, I think you might be premature in throwing in the towel on this relationship. I am sure you want what is best for your son. What is best for your son is parents who love each other and are committed to your relationship with each other and him. That will give him the warm, consistent, loving nest a child needs.

You don't say in your post if you have discussed your feelings with your husband. If you haven't done so already, I suggest you start there. Be sure to point out that you both share a goal (doing what is best for your son). Don't hesitate to declare your commitment to him and be open to his response.

Good luck!

Answer 9

You know what? Your husband got a big problem and you have to discover it. Be curious, observant and understanding by initiating the first move to open up the problem with him, who knows you might be the problem. Don't waste your time make a move today. Divorce is the last option.

Answer 10

kids definately change the equasion, i think, if he's willing, go to a councilor, and go on dates together, get someone to mind the baby for a few hours and plan it like you would when you were dating. start talking and listening to eachother again. there's hope yet for you both. hold in there and give it your best shot. the sex is just a bonus for now so don't expect it to pick up straight away, you need to connect on other levels again for that to happen.

good luck.