Tell me what you think (constructive criticism)?

Question

Don't call me emo. Just because I write sad stuff doesn't mean I am. And this isn't just me complaining, it not even about me. It's about a girl, I'm a guy.

She Rests In Peace (dumb name i'm thinking of a new one)

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Tortured child

Leave her alone

She's never good enough for you

She never can be

Don't expect perfection

You've crippled her

She doesn't see any way out

Her vision is clouded

Feeling hopeless

She picks up her knife

And on this final try

She ends her life

Thanks both of you. And whoever else will answer in the future. :]

Thank you Kevin. It means a lot that you didn't just say you liked it. You told me what you liked and didn't like about it. Personally I thought the poem was a little rough though. Really glad you liked it. And it's the first time anyone else has really read anything I wrote, except for my one friend. So I'm glad I'm getting positive feedback. And even if everyone said it sucked, I would never stop writing.

Dj, thank you, really.

Answer 1

Hmmm, you surprised me. Other than the double spacing driving me nuts, I thought your poem was extremely well executed (no pun intended). The free verse lines, closed at the end with the staggered line rhyme, is "exactly" what sets off a good free verse poem. The uneven lines, the starts and stops, all came together at the end...and although sad, had focus because of that simple rhyme.

I'd recommend reformatting to single-spaced lines, but other than that, you did a very, very good job...and I would NOT change the title.

Keep writing!

Answer 2

You're an incredible writer. This was great writing and it shows that you have serious talent. Keep your head up and keep on writing because you have what it takes to succeed. I believe in all the writers on Yahoo Answers that take their work seriously. That includes you. I believe you can make a difference and change lives with your poetry. The poem was extremely deep, but it's the sad reality that too many people have ended up reaching the point of suicide. This is incredible. You are so awesome. Let your poetry shine like the sun!!! Good job.

Answer 3

Is Emo a "fixed" word? Emotion isn't new.

Your poem is OK. Like Kevin, I could do without all the open spaces. But then, people might see that it's actually a paragraph. Poetry should make suggestions, not statements. Don't tell us the story. Tell us how the story affected you and let us figure out what it's about.

TD

Answer 4

I think constructive criticism is an oxymoron, so let me just say that I like it.

Answer 5

it was good! star 4 u