It is what it is and I don't know where to go from here. We have been married for 6 yrs - together for 8. He is very attractive, but I don't feel "that way" about him anymore. Can intimacy be revived? I don't place a lot of faith in counseling where sexual attraction is concerned. It is either there or it's not. Suggestions?
2007-08-08 15:41:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
so ur not in the mood anymore... so wat??? u jus have to start saying NO to ur husbend when he wants sex... u never gotta have sex with him if u dont want it... ur not his sex slave jus cuz ur married... most women lose interest in sex after a few years of marrage... espesaly after they have kids... ur no diffrent... women jus gotta learn to stick up for themselfs in marrage an learn to say NO to there husbends when there husbends EXPECT sex from them but they dont want it...
2007-08-08 17:03:59 · answer #1 · answered by Gold Digger 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would suggest you consult a sexual psychologists about getting that spark back. The fact that you do view your husband in so many important roles is great. This just means that your sexual attraction can be heated up again if not blazing.
Every woman wants her husband to be her friend and buddy. I think that the spark is indeed there. Maybe you and him have not had much time to spend together. Maybe you should do the things you did when you first met. That may be a good reason why the fire has died. Think of ways to gain the intimacy back between the two of you. It would be such a shame to live a man you don't feel intimacy for rather than be with someone whom you are sexually attracted to but can't connect with on other levels you know?
I wish you luck.
Charlie
2007-08-08 22:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes. It can be revived. You might be feeling this way because of all the time spent together. Your life might have settled into a routine.
It happens to a lot of couples. People get bored and seek the same adventure and spontenaity as they had when they were dating.
The fact that he is your best friend is excellent. You guys must have trust and faith in each other and you should definately talk about this. I dont say this to hurt your feelings, but its possible he could be feeling the same way about you. Its not a personal thing, its a question of routine and breaking out of that routine.
what i would recommend, (if you really want to save your marriage and there isn't another love interest for you) is sitting down and talking with him about it. Ask him how he feels first, You must be open and honest about your feelings if you expect any change. Make sure he knows that you love him and you want to make it work and that's the reason your'e talking to him.
Try to remember good times you had together when you were falling in love. Revisit old memories, laugh together, look at photographs and talk about how you felt at those times. Try role playing in the bedroom. You'd be surprised what sex games can do to spark up a routine sex life. Play games, try giving each other sensual massages. Have him dance for you....dance for him....wear costumes (anything that is a break from the norm) REvisit important places for the two of you. Like a restaurant, a park, whatever the place might be that brings back old GOOD feelings and reminds you why you fell in love.
The most important thing in any relationship is communication. You can't expect anything to change if you dont talk to each other.
Good luck with everything.
2007-08-08 22:51:22 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I've experienced and read from experts... LONG term marriages normally go through stages where there are different relationships... sometimes friends... sometimes business partners, sometimes antagonists, sometimes passionate lovers.... Today people jump off the bridge before they get to the other side. Long term marriage is different from the passion of dating and I do believe that that it's likely that if you stay, there will come a time when you Will feel passionate again... There's lots of passion and there are a lot of *ssholes in the dating world... What do you want?
2007-08-08 22:48:58 · answer #4 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, check and make sure that there is no phyical reason for it. A hormone imbalance, untreated diabetes, even mild depression or other illness could take away your sex drive. Make an appointment with your Gynecologist for an exam and discuss it with him/her. If all is okay, you may want to reconsider your attitude toward counseling because there isn't much else you can do. If you don't like the counselor, keep shopping around until you find one who works for you.
2007-08-08 23:29:16 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two should take a vacation togeather to get away from the everyday stress. Or you need a break from each other. I suggest you talk to him about it. The worst thing you can do is keep secrets from him. Maybe there is something that's he's doing that he can change to make you feel differently. Maybe you are depressed. There are a lot of things to consider before you do anything drastic like getting a divorce.
2007-08-08 22:46:06 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SHORT AND SIMPLE
do u want to save the marriage .. ??????????? it sounds like u are ready to move on.. that u are bored..
if u want to save it.. give counseling a try..
if not..
go see an attorney..
either way u need to go see someone.. to resolve ur problem..
perhaps the two of u are taking each other for granted after all this time.... u may need to light the flame again.. and that can happen... if both parties want it..
2007-08-08 23:16:02 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are some reasons why a wife turns off sexually to their husband, they fart in front of their wife,their hygiene and grooming is questionable,they talk to their wife with no respect at all. Familiarity breeds contempt. 8yrs is still a honeymooners,you are the only one who knows what went wrong with your feelings. Intimacy can be revive .
2007-08-08 22:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by Vannili 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.. ask yourself.. why did you feel what you did 8 years ago, and what has changed.. ?? Do not give up on this... and I agree.. counseling don't make feelings change.. but.. maybe feelings have not changed. marriage always takes work.. If he is your best friend and your buddy.. this one is worth saving.. tell him how you feel.. if you are best friends... you should be able to do that.. be honest.. being honest now might save a whole lot of pain later.. :) .. I think you will be ok..
2007-08-08 22:48:23 · answer #9 · answered by tootsie38 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to ask yourself why. are you bored. if so youve just hit a rut. you the best thing to do is think of all the wonderful things he does to contribute to the relationship. and you really should think of what it was that attracted you to him in the first place. not having sex anymore can be a devistating problem for any relationship because theres no closeness or release. so what i suggest you do is either work on it or let him go. good luck.
2007-08-08 22:47:38 · answer #10 · answered by solas lethe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Was it always like this? Did you EVER have those types of feelings for him? Try getting away... putting yourself in an environment out of the ordinary. A candlelight bubblebath in a bed & breakfast or hotel might be nice. No immediate pressure for anything physical, but you never know what could happen when you're all hot and soapy! LOL...
2007-08-08 22:52:09 · answer #11 · answered by . 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋