Family Fights.?

Question

My dad drinks everyday, every night and every week.
And aside from that he smokes a lot. He has come to
the point in which he doesn't want to stop even if me
his only child and my mom try to stop him. I don't
want him to die of a heart attack. But the problem is
when me and my mom is trying to stop him he just
fights. I'm currently in the middle of a fight. I also
don't want to make him get a divorce with my mom
I love him but how do I make him stop. I'm also
Afraid to call Alcoholics Anonymous because I fear
they will take him away so I'm just an 11yr old that
wants to make peace in this family can anyone give
me advice.

Answer 1

I am married to a practicing alcoholic. We fought for years about her drinking and still do sometimes. About a year ago I joined Al-Anon. It's a 12 Step organization for friends and family of the alcoholic. No one will understand your problem like we do there. My father was killed by a drunk when I was seven. So I do understand your feelings and the hell you are living through. There is hope!

Answer 2

First of all you are only 11 and this not your problem to solve. Your father has to realize the reason why he is drinking and stop. You can't help him unless he really wants to get help. If you try like you have you already know how that ends up. What you need to do is call AA and ask them for advise. That is why it is called Anonymous. AA is not just for the drinker but for the people who that person effects by the drink. I assume you have already told him how you feel about his drinking and he told you were to go because he wasn't listening to a smart mouthed kid who doesn't know what he's talking about. The only way that your father will see the damage that he is causing is when he hits rock bottom. There are several things you can do before this happens.
1. have a drink in front of him or pretend to have a drink but make sure it is in front of him. the almost guaranteed reaction is that he will tell you that you are to young to drink and that it is bad for you. And then you can proceed to tell him that you are only doing what he is doing. if anything that will start the wheels in motion in his head of what he is doing to you and your mom.

What you really need to do tho is find someone you can trust to talk to about this.

Answer 3

Hey bro...First off let me start by saying you are one BRAVE mo fo! To look this kind of problem in the eyes and face it instead of feeling down or depressed about it is very admirable! I am proud to help you in way that I can.. I too had an achoholic for a father, and he too would fight all the time...Sometimes his anger would be taken out on me..and then sometimes my mother or sister..When he was sober he was the best dad in the frickin universe. My advice is to actually catch him (if possible) in one of his sober moments, and tell him from the heart what is happening around him after he starts to drink..What YOU have to understand is two things...
1. There is NO talking to or reasoning with a drunk or alcoholic when they are already drunk.
2. He has to understand how he is affecting his family when he drinks and has to WANT to change. You cant force him or make him change. He has to decide it for himself.

Again once you start talking to him and telling him how you feel while he is in his sober state of mind, tell him with passion and even squeeze out a tear or two so he gets the hint and wants to get help...If he still does what he wants and continues to drink..just try and distance yourself from him at the times when he drinks the most so you are out of the danger area! Good luck and remember you are stronger than any kid I have ever met...

Answer 4

I had the same problem, only my mother was an evil maniacal druggie witch who stole everything from my family and married 7 other men within a year, but aside from that, its the same. When they would fight, i would beg them to stop and would pray they wouldnt get divorced, Now that its over, I wish the divorce would have been so much sooner. Your best bet would probably be stay out of the fights Take a video of him in a drunken rage sometime and then show it to him when he is somewhat sober, which will prolly be when the alcohols gone, so then when u show it to him, Tell him how much it hurts you and ur mom. If worst comes to worse, Dump the alcohol when he isnt around and if that gets bad, call AA. Good Luck My man and email me @ [e-mail] and tell me how it goes.

Answer 5

Don't be afraid to call for help. It is a disease that your dad has no control over. And as sad as it is, there is nothing you or your mom can do to change it unless and until your dad wants to change it and get help. AA will not come take your dad away from you. As far as a divorce, unless your mom or dad says they want one, don't think about it. You are an 11 yr. old who should not be worrying about adult things. If your parents did separate, as hard as that would be on all of you, it also could be a blessing in disguise. That may be what it takes to make your dad see what his drinking is doing to you and your mom. If you want your dad to know how this is affecting you but you don't dare to talk to him about it, try sitting down and writing him a letter, start it by telling him you love him, but you need him to know how worried you are about him and how his drinking makes you feel. It may help,even if it only helps you get it out in the open

Answer 6

I feel for you I really do I was in the same situation and ,,your father is going to have to want to change on his own you can't make that happen and its up to your mom if she wants to continue to live that life my mother till this day is still with my father who still drinks...it sad and unfortunate but the only thing you can do is pray and hope your father decides to clean up his life good luck my prayers are with you,,,and alcoholics anonymous cant take anyone away those meeting are usually by choice

Answer 7

Alcoholics Anonymous isn't a police organization. They can't and wouldn't take your father away. But they would recommend that you go to the support group for family members of alcoholics. You would really benefit from talking to other people, parents and kids, who have alcoholics in the family.
So don't be afraid. Call them.

Answer 8

First, Alcoholics Anonymous does not have the power to take you away from your family.

Second, give them a call to see about attending meetings with your mom. They only give support to people who are alcoholics or family members of alcoholics. They're not there to judge you.

Finally, keep him in your prayers that he might see the light and finally get the help he deserves.

Answer 9

First of all, children can not make their parents get divorced. Secondly, as much as you would like to, you can't make him quit drinking, either. There are support groups for kids whose fathers or mothers drink. It is offered by a group called Alanon. If you ask your teacher, or principal, or maybe even your mom, they can help you get involved. There you can learn about how to handle this situation, and meet other people who understand what you are going through. Alanon will not take your dad away. It is a safe thing for you to do. By the way Alcoholics Anonymous would not take him away either. No one would take him away unless he physically injured you or your mom.
Best wishes.

Answer 10

i do think your father needs to go to rehab center.

drunk people can get very violent for they are unable to control themselves. I'm worry about your mother.

I'm Christian and I won't suggest for divorce (you explained clearly that you still love him). I'd suggest to start praying for God's help to free him from this drinking alcohol habit and smoking.

When people have bad habit, sometimes they want to get out of it but they feel too weak to do so. It takes a very strong determination and a lot of hard work.

Keep loving him. And try the soft way like, "Dad, I love you very much. I'll be very happy if you can get over your drinking habit. We can spend more time together when you are less drunk."

I used to have my father smoking about 10 years ago. When he smokes, I went to bed. Coz I can't stand the smoke. Later on, my sisters followed my way and so did my brother. My father found out that everytime he smoked, all his children gone. One day he called us all and said, "Kids, I realized you all don't like me smoking. This is my last box of cigarrette. From tomorrow onwards, I'll give up smoking. I hope you all will support me."

Since that nite until today (it's been 10 yrs now) my father never smokes anymore. Not even one.