My husband wants to start using domestic discipline? MATURE AND SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE?

Question

My husband's sister & her husband have been part of a domestic discipline relationship for a little over a year now. (For those of you who do not know, it is when a couple gives their consent for either the man or woman; usually the man; to lead the household. If he feels it is needed, he can punish the woman when she does something wrong - usually by spanking, writing lines, cornertime, etc.) It has worked tremendously for their relationship, especially since they were considering divorce earlier last year. My husband's sister's husband is constantly telling her that if she is going to behave like a child he will treat her like one. My husband wants to try it to see how it goes, but I'm still wondering if I should. My sister-in-law's husband uses paddles, belts & other implements for punishment, always on her bare bottom. My sister-in-law insists that it works but I just want a few extra opinions from SERIOUS people. Any experience with this?? Thank you! Only positive responses please

Answer 1

I think someone in any relationship needs to be the final say for decisions. I think this depends on the man and woman, and I can see situations where it might be helpful. I personally wouldn't do it, I think finding compromise is a needed part of any relationship, and that shuts the door on most of that.

Answer 2

Domestic Discipline Diaper

Answer 3

I honestly don't agree with it. I am old fashioned and I do believe the husband is the head of the household but I don't believe in hitting. I believe that that door should never be opened in a relationship. Men behave like children as well. If this was for fourplay reasons then I would say go for it honey but I have a hard time getting my mind around my husband spanking me and I am not getting pleasure out of it. I do believe you should do whatever makes you marriage work but what works for others may open up a can of worms for you. If it aint broke then don't try to fix it. If you guys are fine the way you are then leave that out. If someone has to convince you to do something or if your doubts are so strong that you have ask others what they think then you may not want to give this a shot just yet. Talk to your hubby. After all he will be the one you enter into this agreement with.

Answer 4

Well...as for a positive response....I'm positive that this is a bad idea. It is just another form of abuse...Its humiliating and degrading. Unless your into that kind of thing. Some women enjoy and are even turned on by being submissive...so if that's the case, then go for it. Just make sure that if it ever leads to you feeling humiliated and degraded that you have the right to back out of the decision you made. My thoughts on the matter is that if domestic discipline is the route you go, then you have the right to punish your husband as well. If he does wrong or acts like a child he should have corner time, write lines, and get spankings.

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but I do not think that anything positive can come from this type of relationship, at least not for you.

It sounds a little to me like your sister in law has been dominated to the point that she will say this arrangement is wonderful because her husband says it is and how dare she disobey him by saying otherwise. I am not saying this is the case, but I can't imagine her saying otherwise if she has allowed herself to be dominated and humiliated and punished for the last year by her husband.

If you agree to this type of arrangement, you are setting yourself up for some serious self esteem issues. You are an adult and should have an equal voice in your marriage and how you conduct your every day life. Who is your husband to say "when you've done something wrong" and to decide on "punishment"? I think there is a very fine line between this type of relationship and a potentially abusive relationship and, if it does become abusive, will you have enough courage to stand up to your husband and leave him? This arrangement could have serious consequences--for you and your marriage.

What type of example are you setting for your children (if you have any). Seeing this could be very emotionally disturbing for your children.

I would suggest some marriage counseling or speaking with your pastor. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

Wow! Isn't this a form of S&M? I'm sure your husband wants to try it....coulnd't imagine why he wouldn't. BUT here's the problem. Sure, you could do this, but you'd give up the right to have a say, go anywhere, do anything and submit to his total control. How long is it going to be before you get fed up and leave? Will you even be able to?

Honey, this is not a good idea any way you look at it. Your husband's sister is a nutjob and chances are, her husband came up with the idea. For them to even think this is okay, makes me wonder if they didn't grow up in a household where "dad" had all the control and mom was a servant.

As an outsider looking in, I'm seriuously asking that you remind yourself of your vows. Nowhere in there does it say that you enlisted in slavery, or you are to do what you are told, or that spankings were required. It's not what you signed up for and if you are that weak of a person who has such little respect for herself, get some therapy....because this is going to land you in an institution or damaged goods for the next guy.

Answer 7

Well for one, I think this isn't really a real sort of thing that happens between couples. To me It sounds more like another Dominance and submission sort of game or something. I know some couples play these games. But your sister-in-law and her husband is taking it very seriously. So I think its more of their preferred "lifestyel". I don't really advise you and your husband getting into it if neither of you have trully done any sort of Dominance and Submission. I mean one thing may be good for the goose but definitely not for the gander.

Not only that, but have you seriously thought about how demeaning that could be to you? Having the man that you love treating you like some little girl if you so much as speak your own mind. Or even have the nerve to tell you to go to time out when he has his friends over and you don't want them to be.

I totally see this as giving up your rights as a wife. I mean this is trully, trully the most degrading thing I have ever heard of. I'm sorry if I'm not being positive to you here. But stop and think about what you are saying, what your sister-in-law is really giving up with her husband. Do you want to lose that with her brother as well?

P.S. Talk this over thoroughly with your husband and don't do anything that you can never get out of. Because I'm for certain that it will cost you a lot more than you can imagine.

Answer 8

Well it looks like I will be the only one to tell you that it may be a positive experience for the both of you. I am currently in a relationship where we practice domestic discipline, and it is very fulfilling. You two establish what the rules are and what will happen if the rules are broken. This is a mutual commitment. I am a strong, independent woman. The fact that I live this lifestyle does not mean I am weak or that I am not in control of my life. I suggest that you try it and if you do not think it is for you, then go no further. If you are interested in information on the subject, there are a couple of websites that offer information: Taken In Hand (my favorite)
and Loving Domestic Discipline.
I hope this helps. Good Luck

Answer 9

Haven't even heard of this! I think if it did work, it might work on a temporary basis...but after that I think the woman would start to harbor feelings of resentment for the husband, who would be more like a father than anything. Once you get a father-child relationship going in the marriage, how would the sex work? And if she's so terrified of making her husband happy, then I would think the marriage would lack that sexual attraction.

I think in the hands of two mature adults this might work. But if the guy is just a little too discipline happy, then that might lead him towards abusing the wife. What, like he could spank her when she just doesn't finish all of the dishes???

I instituted a rating system for my husband. He always used to complain about wanting The Perfect House. After years and years (and years!) of arguing about it, I finally put up a grading system for each room in the house. A, B, C, D, F...which did he think the Living Room was? The Kitchen? You get the point.

Truth is, he used this grading system only for a couple of months and then STOPPED! He just wanted to know that I cared about what he wanted...and when he saw that it was enough to have him stop grading me. Sometimes when you give a man what he's looking for, he doesn't have to punish you in order to prove that you're doing something that hurts him.

Answer 10

Sounds like "domestic discipline" is just another way to say "abusive relationship". It also sounds like the woman would have to give up her self-esteem and her identity for it to work. I certainly wouldn't advise that anyone with children raise them in this type of environment. It sounds like an unbalanced dynamic and would send the wrong message to a child. This is a serious answer but you asked for only positive responses. That implies you have already made up your mind to try it and just want reinforcement for your decision. Maybe it is working for your in-laws short term, but it doesn't mean it will work for the long term. Have you ever thought that maybe your SIL is afraid to ask for a divorce since many women living in abusive relationships fear really speaking their minds? Maybe you should ask your husband about reversing the roles and see how he likes being the down trodden and abused spouse who can expect beatings if he doesn't conform. I'll bet that would be a deal breaker!

Answer 11

Although DD isn't my thing - too serious and formalised for my tastes - I know quite a few couples who practise it and, like your sister-in-law and her husband, it does seem to work well for them. In some cases it's a two-way thing, with the husband also getting punished if he transgresses, but more commonly the man's the one in charge.

If you're going to try it, I'd suggest: first that you sit down together and agree just what the rules and boundaries are; and second, that you just try it for a limited period, say a month. If at the end of that period you're not happy with it - or indeed if he isn't - it should be dropped, with no reproaches or recriminations.