Why doesn't my wife understand about gardening and why is she so upset?

Question

My wife and I decided to make a vegetable garden and I specifically told her not to plant tomatoes because I saw on the news DDT is found often on them. I had to go out of town the next day and when I came back, I found out that she had planted tomatoes. So, I went out to the garden with a hoe, dug everything up and demolished it. She burst into tears and called me an inconsiderate ******* and said she wouldn't make a graden with me again. I said fine and that it would be better anyway, because she is too stupid to graden anyway. In all honesty, what is her problem?

I said she was too stupid to garden NOT graden. Sorry for the typo.

Animalover - I may have made a mistake typing but nobody specifically told me to not write graden. I was a typo. I specifically told my wife to NOT plant tomatoes. There is a difference.

Answer 1

It's interesting how so many answerers criticize you for calling her stupid, and then they call you everything under the sun, and one even asks you to "go play on the freeway." Talk about hypocrites. I guess if THEY are upset, it's OK to insult and call names. It's typical on here......"You should never call your wife an ***hole, you ***hole." The point here is that you are concerned about DDT, and whether some people think it's a valid concern or not is not important. It does not seem to matter to the sky-is-falling Greenies that a lot of people don't believe in man-made global warming. You don't need permission to be concerned. You TOLD your wife not to plant tomatoes. Instead of discussing it with you, she did it anyway, behind your back. By acting this way, she should have known what reaction you would have. If there is a disagreement between you and your wife, it needs to be talked about. She did not excercise that option. Instead she was a sneak. Your reaction was justified. You should not be expected to go out of town, and then return to see what your wife has done behind your back. If she wants to pout, and say she won't garden anymore, that's up to her.

Answer 2

First I'd like to say you may not call her stupid, that is degrading and certainly no way to treat a person you love & are building a life with. Do not destroy and belittle her hard work on something.

Regarding the DDT on tomatoes, you could have just left the plants, tossed out the current tomatoes and just eaten the next ones that grew. I would only worry about the pesticides you decide to use in the future. I did a quick search & couldn't find anything specific about DDT on tomato plants. I would do more research into your vegetable garden and plan what you'll do together.

Lastly, always discuss things. I'm sure a reminder about the tomatoes would have sufficed instead of name calling and demolishing.

Answer 3

Good heavens--this must be the last Neanderthal existing--I'm surprised you didn't drag her out by her hair, stick the hoe in her hand and make her "clean up her mess". Instead, you decided to punish her and belittle her. You are supposed to be her husband and soul mate--not her keeper or father. If I'm right, this isn't the first time you have "had to teach her a lesson" in your way of thinking. Your behavior is both punitive and abusive. I would add insensitive, clueless, ignorant, arrogant and unrepentant to your wife's remark about you being inconsiderate.

If you had your facts straight, you would have known that DDT is not used any longer--unless of course you live on the side of a mountain in a cave. You should be ashamed of yourself instead, as you are the stupid one. Besides, what harm would come to you if you didn't eat the tomatoes? So, why not let her have the pleasure of growing what she chooses and you grow what you choose? Unless, as I suspect, this isn't really a gardening issue, but a control issue.

The days of house servants or wives who could be treated like property and ordered around by the master of the house or be severely punished if they didn't comply have gone by the wayside in democratic societies--so you had better be careful that you don't awake one morning and find yourself skewered on the other end of that hoe! And, if you find your wife digging a hole 3 feet wide by 6 feet long by 6 feet deep, you might begin to think about what she might be wanting to plant in it!! Before that happens, see a counselor.

Answer 4

First of all...... it's retarded that people have to be soooooo anal about spelling on here.. and that you felt that you had to correct it so @ssholes wouldn't make stupid comments....
and I have to say.... yeah, I kinda feel sympathic to your wife, sorry.
Maybe she just really wanted tomatoes... maybe she was pissed that you were leaving.... but she did put effort into planting them.. and it was a garden for the both of you..... a garden for the both of you as long as you said it was okay.... so in reality.. it's your garden and you'll let her do some work... but when she does, because it wasn't what you wanted --- you took all of her time and effort (pride and dignity) told her she was too stupid and destroyed it.
I'm not going to get all "Dr.Phil" on you... but obviously this isn't just about tomatoes.... there's real relationship issues here. I can tell you what other people are going to tell you.. and say you should go to a marriage councilor.. and you should... but it's not for everyone.
But realistically.... just look at it from her point of view... what if she had done exactly what you did.. I have a feeling you wouldn't have responded as well as she did by just crying.
She's upset because-- technically calling your wife stupid is "mental abuse" it's degrading... and when someone makes you feel like your stupid.. its humilitating.
This isn't just her problem... you guys are married... so everything is half yours too... including "her problem"
I wish you the best of luck and seriously hope you consider looking into what the underlying problem may be.

Answer 5

I believe she knows you well enough.
I think when you said not to plant tomatoes, she was not convinced, she wanted to try anyway, nothing wrong with it. She plants tomatoes, you plant the other vegs.

BUT,
When you just dug everything up and demolished it, that 's too much!!
What you should do was asked, even argue or had arguments, that's fine; its normal between husband and wife;
You did not do it, you just demolished it.
You're lucky that you dont have me as your wife.
I would just go and never come back .

If she is too stupid to be a gardener, or to make a garden in your opinion.
I will not be surprised, if she has a nice husband who loves her and willing to explain intelegently, not just quoting and believing news , she would be a great hobbiest in gardening.

In all honesty, by reading your question, her real problem is : YOU!

Answer 6

If she wants tomatoes let the woman grow 'em and eat 'em without you! I mean really, are tomatoes that big of a deal?! Why are you allowed to grow what you want but she is not?

You were clearly in the wrong and need to apologize to her for ruining her efforts (whether you like tomatoes or not) and for calling her names. You need to work together and compromise some.

Buy her some tomato plants and some flowers while you are at it.

Answer 7

First, no one is going to respond well to being called stupid. Quite frankly, I would question the compassion and decency of someone who would call the person they supposedly love stupid. That would be why she is justifiably upset.
Also, DDT is no longer used. Even if it were, it would only be found on tomatos it has been sprayed on. Obviously, that could only happen if you sprayed it on them. DDT doesn't occur naturally on fruit. Sheesh.
She should have hit you with the shovel. You need to learn what you are doing and talking about before destroying your wife's work and attacking her.

Answer 8

Maybe you shouldn't believe everything that you hear.
Next week the news will say that tomatoes are good for you.
You are inconsiderate.
It takes a long time and effort to plant a garden.

All you should of done was not to eat the tomatoes. But you made a big deal out of it.

Answer 9

I don't know where you live, but DDT has not been used for years and years! Call or visit your local County Extension Agent/Service to get your facts straight.

You should be ashamed of yourself. You have let your temper take over. That is no way to treat a wife. She has just as much right to do things in her own home as you do.

"In all honesty", what is YOUR problem.

If you treated me that way, I'd divorce you with the snap of my fingers. You do not deserve to have a wife.

Answer 10

Geeeeze, you are a jackass! Who died and made you the boss, it's her house & garden too, why do you have the ultimate say in what gets planted. How would you feel if she didn't like what you planted and just dug it up?

Sounds like you should stop spending so much time working on your garden and spend more time on your people skills.

** Since you seem to think that people should obey orders, here's an order for you, go play on the freeway. **