I've had the absolute worst day of my life today...?

Question

Really, it's been a stinker. Goin' down in the books as being one of the lowest days I've had.

Anyone got a good joke to share? Or just something funny or silly to say, so I can laugh?

A big Y!A hug right now would be really nice, too...

Everyone-- thanks so much : ) Good to have my Y!A friends around when I feel down!

Answer 1

here's one of my favorite jokes....

A foreman was assigned three new workers, two big strong local men, and a little guy from Japan.

Because of their size, the foreman gave the two locals the digging work, and told the Japanese man "You'll be in charge of supplies."

After an hour or so, the foreman came back to check on their progress only to find the two locals sitting down doing nothing.

"What happened? Why aren't you at work?"

The men replied that their tools were broken and that the Japanese man in charge of supplies, had disappeared.

Worried, the foreman ordered the two men outside the mine to help look for the little guy.

Just when they were about to give up the search, the Japanese guy jumps up from behind a rock and yells "Supplies!!"

Answer 2

First, (((HUG)))

Next, a Really Cool Elephant Story
---------------------------------------------

Just an amazing animal story, heart warming....

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University Law School.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Answer 3

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Hope you have a better day tomarrow

BIG HUG {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

:-)))

Answer 4

here u go-

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

_______________

here's another one-

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and hereplies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

______
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

I hope this helps you to think positively again.

Answer 5

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Answer 6

You can't feel it, but I am giving you a big bear hug right now. Look at it this way, tomorrow you will wake up to a brand new day to do with as you choose!

Answer 7

Here's a story that might cheer you up.
A few years ago, at Christmas time, my little brother got a huge bucket full of army men. He poured them all out and seperated the soldiers into piles depending on what weapon they were carrying. My mom was looking at the flamethrower pile and said "I wonder how flamethrowers work". My grandma, who doesn't exactly have the best hearing ever, said "Think about it, 'What does a flamethrower do?' Isn't obvious?" I thought it was funny.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow!
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
@->-->-

Answer 8

I'm sorry you're having such a crappy day. I hope you feel better. Check out this link, it's really weird in a funny way. I hope it makes you laugh.

http://gawker.com/news/top/thriller-280752.php

Have a great day tomorrow!

Oh...and a big hug for you!

Answer 9

Without the bad days we can never appreciate the good days. Good luck

Also silentlucidity that was f'in hilarious

Answer 10

Awww, big hug. Sorry you had such a terrible day.