why is my wife so different since i came back from afghastand?

Question

are mariage is like were roomates not lovers or best friends anymore. Sex life is totaly dead

Answer 1

well i would definitely talk to her about it. see what she tells you and then talk about it and get it out in the open. i agree that she probably needs to get used to you being around after being gone. Dont think the worst until you ask her, then if she seems suspicious follow your heart.

Answer 2

I wish you gave more info: your ages, how long married, how long were you away, children, etc.
Your being away was a big stressor, now being back will require time on both your parts. You have to give her time to get to know you again. Maybe, "date" her again. Take her out, do small romantic things (leave a note for her on the table saying I love you, before you leave for work). You may think different, but you both are new to each other again, and like before, you'll have to rebuild your relationship slowly. Don't rush her or make her feel guilty. Together you can make this work but it's going to take some effort from both of you! Hang in there & good luck! God Bless you and all our soldiers!!

Answer 3

Thats because you were gone and she had to live without you for so long now she has to learn to be with you again. Some people can handle things easier than others but me personally I would have never married you if you were leaving. It would not matter how much love we shared because a person can love someone then learn to live without them, after a while that love fades and if you are brougt back into the picture she will defend her heart and it will take time for her to open back up to you if she ever does.

Answer 4

It is hard to pick up where you left off when you have been gone a long time. Try restarting your romance by courting her the way you did when you were dating. It is a new start and you should make the best of it. It may sound old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned works.

Answer 5

I think when someone comes back from being overseas, especially if it's been for awhile, the couple needs to get used to each other once again. It's nothing against you personally, just something that she may be dealing with--adjusting to life with you back in the house.

Answer 6

Could be a number of reasons....you didn't say how long you were gone, but I'm guessing a year. If so, she is not used to you and she is adjusting to you being home. The other possibility is she is involved with someone else.

Answer 7

Maybe you are different since your return and she does not know how to act around you..there could be alot of reasons, but do not assume the worst. Sit down and talk with her, let her know if this is the way it is always going to be than maybe you two should part ways...

Answer 8

Its really hard to get back in sync with each other after one partner has been gone for so long.

Take her out on a romantic date with the works - flowers, chocolate everything and go from there.

Answer 9

Just like you had to get use to civillian life, your wife has to get use to you being home honey. You've been gone awhile...she's gone without for awhile, and with women, we go into this abstenance mode. So treat her like a car and warm her up before you rev the engine.

Answer 10

Hi!

I'm a USMC wife. My husband just got back from training. I can tell you that it's awkward to be around your spouse after time alone. It felt strange even to kiss him. Every time I picked up the phone when he called I swear his voice sounded different. My husband refused to tell me he loved me for at least the first two days we were together even though he had just said it on the phone the day I picked him up. People deal with things differently. They need to have time to adjust. Even though mine was just gone for a month...which is NOTHING. I missed him a lot. I felt lonely, I was bitter, I was so angry at him. I moped around and cried. It was like I was PMSing the whole time he was gone. Even though nothing was his fault...I blamed everything on him. I sound like a complete crazy right now but I'm usually not crazy. Promise! Only when my husband is gone. There are a lot of emotions that you deal with that they dont go over, or dont spend enough time on, in a pre deployment brief. It could be that she feels strange around you. She may be feeling that you have changed also. Talk about it with her. I know it's not the manly thing to do but my husband is learning how to communicate also. He talks to his buddies more about what is going on in our relationship than he does to me. And believe me, that is annoying! So talk to her. Try doing something nice for her, rubbing her feet. Watching a girly movie with her. Make a bubble bath for her. You guys kind of have to get familiar with each other again. Especially if it was your first deployment.

I know in the back of your mind you are worried that she cheated on you. My guess is that she didn't. And don't listen to these SOBs telling you that she did. If she did, she would have left you. Or told you about it by now. Honestly, she is probably worried about the same thing with you. If you want to know you should just ask her. Don't do it in an angry way though. Be nice about it, even though it is hard. If she did, then you are going to have to make decisions. If she didnt, at least you get it out of your system. It's unlikely that she did. You deal with a lot of unhappiness when your spouse is deployed, but it doesn't make any sense to cheat on them. A wife gives up a lot to be with her husband. She moves away from her family, friends, familiar surroundings...just to be with her husband. She does all this for the relationship and for you. So I doubt she would try to mess that up. She would have to be a moron to mess it up.

There are couples couseling classes that you both could go to. I'm sure you know about those things though. If not, ask one of the married guys you feel comfortable asking or go online to your bases web site. They should have info there. Plus free child care if you need it when you go. Good luck! Hope everything works out for you!