i am so confused :(???

Question

i think my hubby is cheating on me :( for the last 2 months my hubby has left a couple times a month to supposedly go see his sister because she was just diagnosed with cancer and they are really close. well he left yesterday to go see her or so i thought and i tried to call his cell phone a little while ago to ask him something and it was shut off which is weird because he never usually shuts his phone off but i didn't think it was a big deal or anything so i called his sisters house and when i talked to his sister she told me that he wasn't there and i asked if she knew where he went and she said no she hasn't even talked to my hubby for almost a week and she hasn't seen him since the last time i was with him which was over a month and a half ago. i never thought that he could or ever would do this to me. i trusted him. i am so confused and i really don't know what to do? any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Sounds like he is cheating. All you can do is get your stuff straight make sure the facts are in order. Pull his credit report to see if there are items on there you have no knowledge of like a jewelry store account, apartment rental, dinners and credit card accounts that you know you guys don't have, anything that look funny. Get cell phone records from the time he started going out of town and last but not least credit card records. What ever you do don't go off of the deep end with yelling and screaming or taring up anything, becareful who you talk to about this because you never know if it is someone you both know that he is creeping with male or female, trust no one in this day and age with situations like this. My philosophy is I expect a person to do what ever it is they are going to do, that way it does'nt rattle my world.. It hurts but I have mentally prepared myself for it... But get all the facts before questioning that way when he tells you that you are crazy then you hit him with your proof. Now this is very important pay close attention MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A STASH PUT ASIDE , KEEP RECORDS OF ALL THINGS PERTAINING TO YOUR HOUSEHOLD AND CHILDREN IF ANY IS INVOLVED.. I am saying this because too many women get trapped when the man wants out to be with someone else, make sure you can make it on your own without his income and I hope you have a fulltime job if not get one it is better to be safe than sorry..... also check your computer if you don't know how believe me if you ask around you will find someone that knows how to crack passwords, this is not against the law he is your husband..... get all the proof you need just incase you end up in divorce court.... Good Luck too you and Keep your cool don't come off like a crazed woman, don't act the way most folks would suspect you too finding out you husband is steppin out on you.... God Bless

Answer 2

You are in a very emotional situation right now. I have been there. What you may be feeling right now is betrayal and disbelief. The confusion is coming from within you. I know it is hard to do right now but you have to step outside of the situation. There are so many question you probably want to ask him but if you were like me, then accusing him is the last thing you want to do because if he isn't then now he knows you don't trust him. You have every reason not to trust him because he has lied to you. Write down how you feel. Write a letter addressed to him and say all the things you want to say to him. Don't give it to him. This will get the anger out and help you talk to him. when you talk to him remember that guilty people argue. Don't be confrontational and try to not let him take you out of character. What I mean is stand your ground because you are not the one on trial. Let him know that you are concerned and that if there is a problem then he should tell you. If he denies it then what can you do. If you have nothing that puts him at the scene of a crime then the jury can not convict. What I'm saying is a lie wll always come out. Always. There is no darkness when there's light. Protect yourself. I mean with sex and your emotions. Don't go looking for things because you will always find something. Start being strong for you. You can not make someone stop doing what they want to do. You can only say what you will put up with. Be open minded when you talk to him because no matter how rediculous it may sound, his reasons may be legit to him. That does not mean sit there and not stand up for what you believe. Honey if you are hurt then say it. If you need to cry then do it but remember that you can only control you. My prayers are with you.

Answer 3

You aren't confused honey. You are on the right track. Hubby definately has something he's not telling you and it's time for him to come clean. So when he gets home this time. Do yourself a favor. Keep your emotions in check, and ask him all about his trip. Then after the conversation is done, simply say "oh, and by the way, your dying sister called ....care to tell me where you really were". You'll watch his expression change, and at that point, tell him that he can come clean now or he can take his bag and go right back to where ever it is he came from because you didn't sign up to be lied to and cheated on.

The stronger you are, the more he'll get that you are serious and the less crap he'll try to schmooze over on you. If you cry (which I know is going to be hard), he'll give you some sob story and set you up for more heartache.

You can do this honey.

Answer 4

Yes he is cheating on you. NEVER deny your 6th sense it is always correct. Drop him like a hot potato. He could be bringing home STDs. Was he so dumb that he didn't think you would talk to the sister? What a moron! Nothing to be confused about here honey, grab a big can of Self Respect and chug it down. If you have kids, that is a diff story, but without kids, run. If you have kids, then you may want to consider counseling (but I wouldn't and I am a mom). Good luck to you. Oh, go ahead and make an appointment at the gyno (or planned parenthood if you are one of the millions without insurance-thanks govt!) because you need to be checked for diseases. Oh, and you need to tell them that is why you are there so they check for all kinds, as there are several types of tests that need to occur, not just a pap.

Forgot to add that if he says that he and his sis are close, yet he hasn't seen her since you both did, he is also a liar there as well.

Answer 5

Okay, well no matter what happens, you are a great woman, and if he IS cheating on you, he just doesn't see how special you are. Here are some tests: When he comes home, ask how his sister's doing, and then say that you two should call her up just to see if she's doing okay. Then, ask her how her chat with your husband went, and chances are, he'll confess. If that doesn't work, follow him when he "goes to his sister's house". If that's not working, then call up your sister in law and ask to talk to your husband. If she says he's not there, when your husband comes home, ask him why he never went to his sister's house, and keep attacking him with the subject till he gives in. If none of this helps, i'd recommend seeking guidance from a psychologist. They'll be able to help if nothing else does. If you don't want to see a psychologist, then just ask your husband straight out and make him feel guilty, it usually works. I hope this helps, and i sure do hope your hubby's not cheating on you. Otherwise, I'm here to help. Feel free to email me at anytime!

Answer 6

After the baby is born have the paternity test regardless. If the baby is yours then it's yours. Now that was simple. BUT, if the baby isn't yours then two things can happen, you can accept the child or reject the child. Either way the baby deserves to have a medical history of his biological father and that side of the family. Adopted children are sometimes scoffed at but they are chosen, sometimes fought for and always wanted. That is more than some natural children can say. So what ever you do, what ever you decide, get the kid a medical history of his biological father no matter who that might be.

Answer 7

Go see the divorce lawyer. No reason to lie about where you are, except to hide your lying cheating ways.

I would sound him about where he really went. Tell him you talked to his sister and you know he didn't go there. Ask him who she is. I would also check his email, phone records, text messages, voice mail, I would check the bank account records.....etc.

Now that you really know who he is, time to leave his lying, cheating, toad self behind. Don't let him beg you into taking him back either, cause he is just going to break your heart again. He has proved he can't be trusted. Believe it is another woman or maybe even more than one. Don't let him blame it on you either, cause he just might try to do that.

You may want to take him back, but just remember what he has really done to you. He isn't the guy you thought he was. Don't forget that, taking him back just sets you up for more abuse. Be strong. Your whole life has just changed and you are on a new road now. Don't detour back to the place you dreamed was real.

Answer 8

First I would wait till he got home and ask him how his sister was feeling and how's she's doing. Then after he lies to you then say guess I'll just call her and see if she's doing fine. And just go tot eh phone and call her. And if he doesn't stop you then right in front of him tell his sister well Bob or whatever your husband's name is. Tell her well Bob said you were doing great and he has enjoyed staying there with you this 2 or 3 days. ANd since you know he wasn't there then put teh phone down and tell him to explain how come his sister said she hasn't seen you in a month. and see what he comes up with. Then you will know for sure and take him to teh cleaners. and if you want to chat IM me anytime.

Answer 9

I would say....calm yourself down, be prepared for anything but dont be defensive. Decide right now what kind of person you want to be in the worst case scenario is true. Do you want to be spiteful? Do you want to let him go to find a better happiness for you both? When you think you can achieve that, try to find out what exactly is going on. If you simply ask him, he may tell you the truth but you'll end up doubting him. If you know for sure and he lies then you wont be hurt further down the road.

Answer 10

Well, I think you should sit him down and tell him you know he's cheating, and that he has NOT visited his sister since your last visit WITH him. Ask him point blank if he wants a divorce. If he says no, then tell him that he has to guarantee you that he will stop cheating on you immediately.

If he gets on his high horse, that's an indication that he's cheating and trying to bluff his way out, and doesn't want to be honest with you or stop what he is doing.

If you don't get a satisfactory and honest answer, then go to marriage counseling for yourself to find out what you need to do for yourself.