A poem about nature someone wanted winner got 10pts. I lost what do you think.?

Question

The start of life.
It's bright and in full swing.
Grass is green, birds chirping
It's the beginning of spring.

The adolescence of nature.
There is no other.
The freedom and warmth
Of the middle of summer.

Adulthood begins
With cool crisp air.
Green leaves turn brown
Autumn is here.

Death is getting closer
As the snow and ice pile.
Not a leaf on a tree.
Winter will be here for awhile.

Answer 1

Very nice. Did you vote for it? How many "friends" have you developed on Yahoo? Did they vote? That, quite frankly, is how you get "Best Answer" when the vote goes public.

It's why I always reward people who answer my question with a thumb's up along with the points. I believe people who take the time to answer questions should have the courtesy of being thanked and rewarded by the questioner him/herself.

Answer 2

Well, believe it or not, adolescence is still considered "spring". Summer represents man at his prime, Autumn/Fall in his decline, and Winter at the end of his days. Also, your "grass is green" may seem appropriate, but it is actually cliche...painfully so, and trust me, I've made the same mistake on more than one occasion...and it still smarts. So, your seasons are "out of time" with traditional view, all but winter, and you were a little heavy handed with that one.

Another common error is using short lines when they carry syntax similar to a full sentence. Short lines work best when they can stand alone, like:

Apart
A nation divided
Rumblings of war
North and South
Session!

Now, look at your lines and you'll see that they can often be combined to make full sentences and the "enjambment" is actually just a line break without a pause (which is what they should represent when not breaking for purposes of poetic form...which is really what "enjambment" is for).

So, although you gave it a good try, you were off in at least a few major areas. I'm not sure who won, but I'm pretty sure why you lost. Sorry, hopefully you'll do better next time.

keep writing

Answer 3

i answerd the same question as you did and i lost too when i read ur's i thought u would win. the poem is kinda bitter sweet which is a nice twist. a star for u