Is it wise to let your future husband know how much you dislike his mother and the way she treats him?

Question

Or should I keep it to myself and try not to let it bother me. He thinks the world of her and I am sure he is going to get defensive about my comments, but should I say it anyway? It is frustrating the way he is getting used.

Answer 1

I say lay everything on the table BEFORE marriage, that way nothing is a surprise!

I'm not crazy about my mother inlaw. She's annoying and self absorbed. She is draining. Hubby feels the same way and hasnt' talked to her for about 9 months.

Anyways, will you guys live close to her? If she lives way far away, then maybe she won't be as a burden to you, but if she's near, you'll have to deal with her and that can be horrible for you and hubby. Good luck!

Answer 2

Those of us that have been married many years can tell you that it is never wise to get in between a man and his mother, especially if he is a "momma's boy".

However, don't lose all hope. There are ways around it. Just because you can't voice your distain, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to act on it. If she tends to ask for her favors via the phone, start shutting the ringers off without his knowledge when you're home. If she happens to make those unexpected visits to con him into doing things, start taking walks at her usual visiting hour. And then become really good at thinking fast on your feet. Just because if she happens to corner you guys or catch you off guard and asks for a favor on a later date, you'll need to say "Oh, I really wish we could, but we have _________ (fill in the blank) going on". Eventually she'll stop asking as much. Then if he questions you, all you have to say is "honey, I'm soooo sorry. I didn't realize you still needed your mommy so much". That way, it puts you on the defensive and he won't bring it up anymore.

Answer 3

Why do you dislike her? Men are somewhat obligated to oblige their parents, especially mom. Unless your mother in law is some type of deviant, you should extend the olive branch, take the initiative to create (to what your fiance believes) a good balance with the 'ol gal.

But don't let this effort on your part be taken for granted.

Answer 4

Get it out now. Or it will creep out later!!! Do it as nicely as possible, though. Nobody likes anyone to run down their mom. But voicing your concerns now, before the wedding, could save you a LOT of heartache later. Your husband needs to know how you feel. Once he says "I do" then YOU become the number 1 woman in his life.

Answer 5

He's going to know sometime, or do you
propose to keep it to yourself throughout
the marriage?
You marry the family too, and it's best to
be sure you can live with them.

Answer 6

i would keep it to yourself, and think twice about marrying him because bad mother in laws are a pain

Answer 7

that's his mother. you wouldn't want him to say that stuff about your mother. you don't know the past, she could have helped him out big time in the past.

Answer 8

She's HIS mother, you'd better learn to at least tolerate her.