Last month I asked my husband for a divorce. He was spending all our week-ends on overnight fishing trips, making frivolous spending decisions without consulting me, and walking around with irritable mood swings. After 1 year of trying, reading books, therapy, etc. I realized that it takes 2 people to be in a marriage. I gave him the ultimatum before and he would straighten out for a while, but then want to do whatever he wanted to go again with no regard for me. When I confronted him about his mood swings the last time, he shrugged his shoulders and said "what mood swings." He is suppossed to take medication, but does so when he wants. I am exhausted in this relationship, and wanted out. He agreed with no fight, yet now that the papers are here for him to sign he is trying to make me feel guilty that it is my fault. What makes a 47 year old man think that he can have his cake and eat it too? Can someone help me understand this behavior?
2007-08-08 11:32:17 · 37 answers · asked by Maria M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you answered your own question... he is supposed to be on medication , but does so when he wants.... he isnt going to change because he doesnt see the need to change..... his life is more important than your lives together...... and dont feel guilty because he sounds like he is going through midlife crisis...... if he wants to change he will, but for you to wait and see if he does.......... well dont wait....... just get out..... find someone who wants to spend time with you.. who cares about how you feel, who want to make you happy, not just themselves........
2007-08-08 11:37:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some one once said we work very hard at relationships that are no good for us. You seem to have done all you can and it has only made it worse as it was his problem in the beginning and it is his problem still. I dont know when we should stop trying but it depends I suppose on how long you want to spend on it. At 47 there are a lot of unanswered questions and the time is pressing close. I know that is true of women too but it efects different people different ways. He may have married you because you try so hard. If you want to stay dont expect anything until his behavior turns around. Believe it or not he needs you more now but who knows how long this will last. The other option is to leave him and see if it shocks him. I wish I had a better answer than thease.
2007-08-08 11:44:27 · answer #2 · answered by Grampa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? People raise their kids to be this way. They can't lose on sports...their teams have to be non-competitive. Their parents "fix" every little problem at school. Every grade, every punishment and every disagreement is a real "issue" until it's done to suit. One woman was online this week because she wanted to know how to go about suing the school system because there was a rule against unnatural hair color and her daughter wanted blue or green hair. She was astounded that anyone would feel that the school had ANY right to infringe on anything that her daughter wanted.
That's how a 47 year old man who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too is created...by just such an upbringing.
2007-08-08 11:37:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
*Well it's like I told someone else on here, I don't believe in the whole marriage sham...it's ridiculous to even think that were all supposed to be with one person forever and one person only.*
.It doesn't make sense, I mean think about..going back to our caveman days...all we were meant to do was reproduce, therefore men would "mate" with any and every woman they could in order to maintain the survival of their population.
.Which if you read into the whole idea more and go back and do some history lessons on it, you'll come to find that for that reason alone, it makes sense why not only men, but women cheat on each other.
.ANYWAYS....I think you just need to call it a loss. I mean you have done everything in your power to save your marriage, and nothing has worked. Your only option is to get divorced and move on with your life and re-build and start over with everything.
.Don't stay in that marriage if you're not happy, that's no way to live...divorce him.
2007-08-08 11:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by Murphy's Law 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are never going to understand his behavior, he doesn't even understand it.
He is not having his cake and eating it to, he is a husband that has been dumped.
He can not make you feel anything. It is your fault that your are divorcing, admit it and move on (so what if you didn't want to be married to a person that was no fun to be with and wouldn't take his meds)
Stop dwelling on the past and get busy enjoying your future.
2007-08-08 11:39:18 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has been given his cake his whole life and has always been able to eat it, so there is one thing. Also, if he is on medication there is obviously some mental disturbance their, call it a mid-life crisis maybe. But it's funny how when you give him the ultimatum, he was able to get his act together, yet all of a sudden he can't muster up the balls to keep the relationship intact. There are ways to get divorced without the others consent, stop wasting your life.
2007-08-08 11:50:09 · answer #6 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think that you can understand his behavior w/o seeing a trained professional. He is suffering with his own battles that have nothing to do with you, unfortunately. You have to make the decision at this point that is right for you. If you are unhappy, and he is making no effort....Its a tough choice that only you can make. But I don't think that there is "blame" to be had un either position. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-08-08 11:39:30 · answer #7 · answered by beca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have made a good choice re a divorce and he only achieve in making you feel guilty if you allow it to happen, so toughen up and don't allow him to play these mind games with you. I'm sure you can find someone who will treat you alot better out there.
2007-08-08 11:39:31 · answer #8 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is the only last resort. Marriage is a sacred vow that you need to fulfill. Communication is what you guys need. When you married the person, it means that you accept him for who or what he is and was. This may be tough but these are just bunch of obstacles that married people undergo. consider these as something that will help you grow and see the brighter side of your relationship. Hang on,girl.
2007-08-08 11:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by sweetsexything 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's no longer interested..and yes It does take two and if he's not willing you cant make him...you cant make anyone care...tell him to sign them and go on with your life become involved with someone who does care...you only get to live life once why be unhappy doing it..and honey his age doesn't have anything to do with having his cake...some people(any age or gender) just dont have the same morals as others..Be Happy...Good Luck
2007-08-08 11:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by sweetness 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋