My husband is deployed and he's been gone for most of my pregnancy. I've taken pictures of my growing belly and even made video's of the baby moving. He says that he still doesn't feel like his having a baby and it's just another person who's having the baby. He's even picked out EVERYTHING and bought things for the baby but he still feels like he's not part of it at all. He's extremely upset about this and I can't think of any more ways to help him feel like he's having a baby too. He's also scared that he's not going to accept the baby when he gets back. There's even a chance that he's might miss the delivery too. Anyone have any ideas of ways to help?
2007-08-08 11:12:03 · 7 answers · asked by AshReneeM 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Just clear things up for eveyone. He's DEPLOYED, so we can't do things together.
2007-08-08 11:15:43 · update #1
I am so sorry to hear that! I can't possibly think of any ideas for you short of him carrying the baby. Just keep doing your best and being loving to him and listening to him be upset. Once he sees that baby, it definitely will subside. Regardless of what you do, he is still going to feel the same way because he is not here. Just do your best to reassure him. Maybe make a video of you and the baby talking to him, and make it very special. Go out of your way to make it all about him and him being a daddy. Good luck to you and God bless your family!
2007-08-08 11:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww, that sucks! One thing you might try is to buy one of those heart monitor things from Babies R Us. When you get a chance to talk to him on the phone, you can put the phone up to the heart monitor and he can hear the baby's heart beat LIVE. It'll feel more personal than watching a video of something he wasn't present for. You can also let him talk to your stomach through the phone. He might feel too silly to do that, but it's worth a shot. As for not accepting the baby, I don't think that'll happen. The fact that he's upset that he doesn't feel like he's bonding means he CARES that he's not bonding. As soon as he holds that baby in his arms and sees his eyes and his nose, etc., it'll sink in. I've even read about some study that suggested newborns look more like their fathers than their mothers so that the father could be identified (I guess cave women got busy with lots of different guys- a modern day Maury problem, lol). If that's the case, seeing his features in the baby will DEFINITELY help him out. I hate that he's not there with you, and I hope he'll be able to come home for the delivery. Best wishes!
2007-08-08 12:06:48 · answer #2 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry to hear that your husband is deployed during such a significant part of your relationship.
because he feels bad, know that he loves you and this baby very much. because he is frightened to be without you and away, it shows how important you both are to him.
my husband was there for everything and he still had the same fears yours does. i think it's natural. because the baby is growing within you, he is afraid of being detached. when he lays eyes on that child, he'll feel everything, he's supposed to feel, plus a whole lot of emotions he probably didn't existed.
you're both doing everything you can to make this time as special and wonderful as it should be. this is a difficult time. period. just keep loving each other and loving that little one. everything will be alright.
2007-08-08 11:23:44 · answer #3 · answered by MsMiss 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deployment is rough, I've been there. You are doing so much for him already, good for you! Just keep it up. He may not realize what an impact it is making because all he can think of is how hard it still is to be away from you. When he comes home, there will be some adjustment, but if you guys take it slow and take advantage of the help and advice your family care program will offer you, you will pull through this.
Good luck and congrats to you and your husband!
2007-08-08 11:16:59 · answer #4 · answered by kittiesandsparklelythings 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my husband was deployed I got one of those fetal heart monitors that lets you record the heartbeat. You can email the file or put it on a cd-rom and he can listen to it. It's a very comforting sound.
I think you're doing all you can with videos and pictures and talking to him and writing. I know how hard it is connecting across such a distance.
Maybe you could also keep a little diary of journal of what you're feeling with the pregnancy and mail him copies of them weekly.
Thank him for serving our country! I will pray he will return in time. Mine did....1 week before delivery!
2007-08-08 11:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by Veritas 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would think that a recording of the heartbeat of the baby would be a lovely thing to make him feel closer. He could almost meditate on the sound of it knowing that it represents new life, a part of him and you, that he is working so hard to protect.
2007-08-08 11:15:31 · answer #6 · answered by izzy 1 · 7⤊ 0⤋
tell him to help out and talk and then c how it goes then do something together and talk about the baby
2007-08-08 11:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by audrey w 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋