Should I tell them and if so how? Please help me!!?

Question

My husband's best friend, also my best friend's husband, hit on me the other day. He has talked about wanting to sleep with me and everything. In fact the other day when he was here to pick up the lawnmower he even went so far as using my one year old son to try and pull my shirt down. Well, after that I told my husband and he blamed me and told me if I wanted him to stop I needed to tell him to stop. So, I did. Then, just a few minutes ago he called. And now my husband is out of town at A.T. with the National Guard. And while he was on the phone he said he couldn't get hold of his honey so he thought he would call his other honey. I just dunno what to do!! I want my husband to know that he's still doing it, but our marriage is rocky already and I don't want to ruin it. Also, my friend deserves to know what a pig she married, but what if she just blows it off or gets mad at me like my husband did. I don't have many friends so I really don't want to lose her or him!!

Answer 1

I think your friend and your husband should both know. If they get mad then that is their own fault but this way, you will be covering yourself. Neither one of them will be able to came back and say you were trying to hide it from them. If they care about you they will listen and believe you!!! If you don't tell them and they figure out what is really going on, they may think you were trying to hid it from them. Anyway, if you lose that friend, you can be friends with me.
Hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 2

GET AWAY FROM HIM.
Do not have any contact (get caller ID and dont answer the phone)
That way you wont have to explain to anyone... they will all get the word loud and clear. His wife already knows what he is. She just need confirmation and your avoidence is the kindest way for now. You can show your support after she kicks him to the curb. But do not tell her because he is skilled at twisting things and he will just blame you.
Do not complain to your husband. BUT DO NOT allow that awful person any where near you or especially your children. Guys like that usually do not limit their problems to just "hitting on friends wives" He has personality disorder that could cause you and anyone around him a lot of trouble. Save your family a lot of heartache and steer clear of him totally. I would go as far as get a peace bond against him if he pushed the subject.
Just because your husband did not handle it the correct way does not mean he does not support you. We sometimes in error think that others are just making a snap judgement and to him he sees his friend in a totally different way. And you do not know how much his so called friend has maybe prepared him for that either. Most awful monsters make plans ahead of time to take care of things that may come up. I knew a guy who thought of everything and made all sorts of pre-ideas to keep his little sick things on track. Do not start blaming anybody else for this horrible person. The BLAME all goes on that one monster. Do not blame your husband for trusting a friend. Think about it... this other guy has probably fooled other people too. You may be the only one who really sees the real stuff. Just do not give in. Do not talk to him.

If he pressures you in any way call for help from the military. They have support teams for people left behind when spouses deploy!

Answer 3

If you lose your husband and/or your friends because you speak the truth, especially something that you would definitely want your husband and the guy's "honey" to know about ... well my dear ... then they weren't worth having around in the first place.

You have to be able to live with yourself and look at your own face in the mirror everyday! Stay away from these people .... perhaps you have other family members you can socialize with instead of this "guy" and his girlfriend.

As for your son being used in this game .... and subjected to such indecent things .... well I can only hope that you have enough sense to do the right thing for his sake. Your husband and you should have a long heart to heart conversation when he gets back and in the meantime ... steer clear of your neighbour and DON'T EVER allow yourself to be alone with him!!! If you MUST socialize, make sure that you always have a reliable, responsible, sober and honest person there to chaperon!

You might think this all sounds too drastic ... but if your marriage is already rocky ... you're asking for trouble if you don't take drastic measures my dear!

I wish you lots and lots of luck ..... be true to yourself and do what's in the best interest of your son!

Answer 4

I would not tell her- human nature is to shoot the messenger. Besides, she probably has an idea of what type of "man" he is. As for your husband- you told him there was a problem and he did nothing. You two have some serious issues to discuss. In the meantime tell the friend not to call anymore and that he is no longer welcome in your home. When your husband gets back- tell him that you have solved the problem and that you don't want that guy around you anymore. That should let your hubby know how serious you are. If he has a problem with that- you need to take a real hard look at your relationship.

Answer 5

I think that you need to make it clear to him that you're not interested in him.

If he doesn't stop making passes then record a call from him and make sure you record your self saying your not interested to him.

Then I would talk to his wife and let her know that he has been making inappropriate advances on you and if she doesn't believe you then let her hear the tape.

I personally wouldn't allow him into your home. I don't know if this will help your relationship with your husband but honesty is better then secrets. Once you have hard evidence he won't be able to say you didn't tell him to stop.

It is a very sensitive situation so make sure that you are careful to only give the facts of the situation as people are reluctant to see the bad in friends and loved ones.

Hope that this helps

Answer 6

Then tell him!! Tell him stop harrassing you or you will tell his wife whether she believes you or not but make sure you do this from a distance (like over the phone) not directly in his face because if he's that bold then he made not be playing with a full deck. If you want to make it clear that you're not interested then just avoid him no matter what, especially when neither your husband or his wife is around. Keep your distance and any conversation short, quick and to the point. Don't even answer the door if he comes knocking.

Answer 7

It sounds like you need to take your friend out to Starbucks and let her know before hand that you need to talk to her about a serious problem. Then ease her in to it and tell her it has to do with her. Then reinforce what a great friend she is and that you would never do anything to come between that. Then come out with it and tell her the whole story. Honesty is always the best policy! She will not take it well and yes, she may lash out at you. Just give her time and do not react to anything she says with your emotions! Tell her you want to work through this crisis and offer to set up audio monitoring devices if she does not believe you. Tell her your hubby's reaction and let her know how devastated that you feel as a result of his non-support. Reach out to her with your hurt from your hubby and maby she will understand that you were innocent and are also a victim. You two can get through anything together! Even JERK husbands!!!

Good Luck!!
C'ya

Answer 8

1. keep telling this guy about how much you love your husband. Tell him you are not interested - you are loyal to both your husband and your friend. Bluntness is the key here.
2. Talk to your husband about his response. Buy your husband presents, tell him how much you want to make love to him (not necessarily all at the same time - and even if you really don't feel like it). Cook him a nice meal - do anything to make him feel special and loved - that will help the marriage. Then your husband may be willing to stand up to his friend and defend you.

Answer 9

I agree with M on this one. I couldn't have said it better myself. You can be friends with me too. You always lose friends but you can find better ones whether she's been your friend for 20 mins or 20 years. This man might be a stalker or internet predator. Go to the police and ask if he got a criminal record and get a restraining order. If your friend dont' believe you, have a mini tape recorder on you or even a camera tucked away in your house somewhere. Let him say something out the way or whatever. Let him touch you so she can see it, then tell him to get the hell out your house!

Answer 10

You need to make sure that he knows that you're not interested, and that he doesn't think it's just harmless flirting. Start by jokingly saying that you're just not that kind of girl. If he is just talking, tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, and ask him to please stop. If he touches you, tell him in no uncertain terms that it was inappropriate, and tell his wife. Document things so that your story will be more believable. He said this on Tuesday, he called and said this on Thursday, he grabbed me here on Saturday, etc.

Tell your friend that if you did anything to bring this on, you’re very sorry – you value her friendship and would never do anything to drive a wedge between you two. You feel bad about it, and you would never actually DO anything with him, but you aren’t comfortable with him grabbing you and stuff.

Stand up for yourself, but be respectful of the other people, and you’ll be fine. Make sure that you’re not to blame. I know I flirt a lot with guys, and then sometimes I’m taken by surprise when they flirt back harder, or try to take it up a notch. I have to remember that I’m the one who initiated it, and I need to watch myself around those guys who don’t take it the right way.