Is love a myth?
Like a goddess or god.
Is love real?
Or just a just a facade.
Is love truly
All you need?
Is love a necessity
Or is it greed?
2007-08-08 10:27:17 · 6 answers · asked by kidfisher420 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I love the way you rhymed god with facade--very creative. Your meter is steady, and your point is clear. Wistful with a hint of cynicism...I like it.
2007-08-08 10:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by hobbesjohnson 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting. Look at your last line to stanza one...one too many "just a". Your last two lines..."Is love a necessity or is it greed?"...something wrong here. I think it's the "is it" part. You need two syllables, but "is it" makes the observation seem trivial, almost trite. How about "merely"? or, "only"? or "actually"? "Actually" will mirror the beats of the last line in stanza one better, but it's your call. I just think "is it" comes off weaker than the observation deserves.
There is a similar problem with the second line in stanza one. "Like a goddess or god". If you try to shorten it to "Like goddess or god" it sounds weird...yet it's too long for a mate to the second line of stanza two. Maybe the fix is to add a beat to the second line in stanza two, perhaps, "All that you need".
One way to make sure mirrored lines have matching beats is to put them one over the other, like this:
Is love a myth
Is love truly
Like a goddess or god
All you need
Is love real
Is love a necessity
Or just a facade
Or is it greed
When you do this the differences are more easily discerned and more readily corrected.
Seems like a lot of feedback on such a short poem, but sometimes the good ones are worth it.
keep writing
2007-08-08 20:31:11 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. I am learning to be a poet. I'm okay, but I'm starting to take classes to get myself together more. I also love suetoz's verse! Your poem is so...speaking, and wondering, like being true adn special...
(And btw, love IS real. I have loved someplace, not someone, but... well, you can read my poem if you find my post around here. I made it today.)
2007-08-08 19:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by cadence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. But it is missing a verse...
Is love a feeling
We seek while we live?
Or is love a gift
we choose to give?
2007-08-08 17:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by suetoz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's really thought-provoking..
it makes think about it in a new perspective.
i also like how you compared questions about the topic.
2007-08-08 17:36:14 · answer #5 · answered by meghaley3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i love it! beleive me, i am a poet and that is some good thinking.
2007-08-08 17:33:38 · answer #6 · answered by kid v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋