Comments on this poem please?

Question

Growth

I'm old enough now.
No need to rub rose petals
on the truth anymore.
I smelled the reality of this.

Cluttered with forgotten poems,
carved walls, spirits, and loss,
My lonely home sits, awake
and waiting for me.

Answer 1

I really like this, Linz. I think I see why some think it is disjointed, but to me the notion of growing to the point of being able to return home, and (as I read it) revisit your past is a powerful one.

It also looks like you took great care in writing this; it feels precise and succinct. With that in mind, I am reading "smelled" as being intentionally past, i.e., coming even when rubbing in the rose petals. I went back and forth on whether it should be "smell," but I think it does more as you have it. I would consider playing with "spirits, and loss" to work one more concrete image in there, but it certainly works as is. Well done!

Answer 2

Another beautiful poem, Linz.

You have an incredible talent. Please dont ever lose it. You should continue to let it blossom and grow.

Once again, I disagree with changing anything because it changes it for someone else. This poem is yours. Its for you.

I see this poem a little differently than most of the answers I read.

You paint a picture of realizing that you are not the person that you once were. That you have been living a lie and that you were going along with it because you chose to hide behind, or cover it up, with other things. You continued being in this rut because you had no other place to settle.

But, now you see that there is a place waiting for you. You have changed and this new place fits you better, now. And it is as comfortable as home. All you have to do is move in and move on.

Im sure that we will all see your name on a book in the future. Keep up the great work, and dont listen to other people. =)

Answer 3

You switched tenses in the first stanza, try replacing "smelled" with "smell" for a strong impact on the fact that you are old enough *now*. Keeping it present will help that.

That first stanza, by the way, is very moving.

The second stanza is also gorgeous, with great visuals. But it doesn't quite fit. This is almost 2 poems in one...

The whole thing has nice imagery. Nice job..

Answer 4

That is a really good poem. I liked it a lot. It makes me feel sad because it really illustrates a feeling of emptiness and longing for the place you used to call home, at least that's what it made me think of. Like when you first move out to go to college or whatever, that's what it feels like. Good job!

Answer 5

Don't listen to these jokers; the second stanza is strongest, while the first is a good lead-in, and it reminds me of Miller Williams, which is a very, very difficult thing to do. If you've never read him, go find him out, because your tone is identical to his portrayal of the "sad dignity" of modern day humankind.

Overall a great poem that sardonically creates imagery of what we refer to as "growth."

Answer 6

It is great. I write some too. Would love hear some more of what you have done.

And for some individuals, growth can be accomplished through the written word

Answer 7

Really good work!
have you been in touch with anyone who could publish you?
in the uk there are a few magazines who will feature poems for free maybe get your name out there :)
good luck

Answer 8

I really like it!

I suggest you copyright it before some rude person on Y! Answers steals it and copyrights it for theirself.

Excellent job and I hope that lots of people get to read it some day :)

Answer 9

it isnt cohesive. the first part i like. it fits the title. but the second stanza doesnt read like it belongs in this poem.

drop the second part and you've got the beginning of something decent.

keep it short tho.

Answer 10

sorry, it does nothing for me. i guess i'm just not a poem guy.

maybe it would be better with a nice snare, 808 and a few "YEAA!!"s after each line. just a thought.