I close my eyes its your face I see
Thoughts of you always haunting me
I've heard it gets easier as time goes bye
Yet I still miss you after all this time
A teenage girl That needed you
A grown woman that still needs you
Confused and lost and afraid to hope
I push people away just so I can cope
I'm afraid to let someone close to me
So afraid that they to might leave
Though I know you had no choice
It doesnt change that telltale voice
I talk to you from time to time
though its not the same as a phone line
I wish we could have had more time together
Though I'll remeber you forever
2007-08-08 08:32:28 · 16 answers · asked by rebeccaangel2004 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
That really touched me, sounds like you lost a parent. I lost my father about 4 years ago come August 14th so i know how you feel. I really liked this poem. You exxpressed your thought very well. Im kinda sad now in a few days it will be Aug 14th :(
2007-08-08 08:38:00 · answer #1 · answered by sassy is sad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would assume it's about either a mother or father who died while you were young.
The poem is a good poem, but editing would make it even better. You have good phrasing, but you need to check your grammar and punctuation. A common mistake is "its" and "it's"...."its" is the possessive form of "it", as in "its color was faded", whereas "it's" is the contraction "it is", as in "it's time to leave". I also note that other contractions, such as "doesn't" do not have their apostrophes either. Also, "bye" is a word shortened from "goodbye", whereas time goes "by".
It also appears you changed a line break and forgot to uncapitalize the "T" in "That" after "teenage girl". Be careful too of soft intonation that breaks the rhythm of a line. You'll hear what I mean if you have someone read this out loud to you. And, please, use commas to indicate pauses, as in "I push people away, just so I can cope" and "I talk to you, from time to time". It's "too" when you mean "also", and "to" when you are giving a direction, as in "they too might leave".
The line "though it's not the same as a phone line" is too soft a start...try, "but it's not the same..." and I'd say "telephone line" for the same reason. The edited line would read, "but it's not the same as a telephone line". Say that out loud and compare it to how you originally wrote it and you'll understand my previous statement about soft sounds and rhythm.
It is a beautiful poem, I'm sure they would be proud.
Keep writing
2007-08-08 13:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this poem is about someone who lost someone who is close to them wether it is a family member or someone else that has passed away and now they are afraid to get close to anyone else because they might go away too and then they are afraid to get close to anyone else again and they are scared of losing someone who they are going to get close again!
2007-08-08 08:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your saying this to your mom or dad. It seems really personal and sad. It also sound like your wanting to say a lot more, than whats there.
2007-08-08 08:36:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like its about either a girls father or first/young love that died. Just a guess
2007-08-08 09:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a passed parent
2007-08-08 08:39:54 · answer #6 · answered by bobbey m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is amazing, but i would work a little more on the rhyming/fluency. great job though =]
2007-08-08 08:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im guessing the teenage girls dad dies and she misses her daddy
2007-08-08 08:36:01 · answer #8 · answered by scarface 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it about a parent who died?
2007-08-08 08:36:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
about a really close friend.
2007-08-08 08:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋