Opinions pleeze. Its kinda sad tho?

Question

If you saw me walking down the street
I’d be a perfect stranger to meet and greet
I wear bright colors and do my hair
My pants are clean without a tear
I have plenty of friends
And know the new trends
But deep inside I’m a real mess
Full of pain depression and a lot of stress.
I go home and deal with fight after fights
And my life is full of lonely nights
But hidden underneath my fake little smile
My heart is mangled and left in a pile
Because I’m hurting you see, deep down inside
And fixing things with my parents? Ha, I’ve tried
All it does is get me in trouble
And leave my emotions in a pile of rubble
So a long time ago I did something bad
I couldn’t take anymore of that man called dad
So I pulled out a razor and did something I thought id never do
I rolled up my sleeve and cut what I thought was just a few
Now that same little girl you saw walking down the street
No longer looks so innocent and sweet.

Ive become a stranger to even myself at times.=(

Answer 1

OMG i love it. I can really see what your saying. It is sad, but who said poetry should be happy little ponies and butterflies prancing around in a field of golden flowers? Poetry is about whatever we want it to be about, sure, but poetry is ALWAYS something we feel. If you dont feel what you are writing, then you just CANT write it with any conviction, and you cant convince the reader it is real. And poetry IS real. It is about life, but life is different for everyone. Most peoples lives arent like little ponies and butterflies. Life is dark. Life IS sad. Cutting yourself is something REAL people in the REAL world do, even if its not "right." Fights hapen, abuse happens, evrything HAPPENS. This peom is awesome! It is one of the best i've seen. It's so real. I've tried to write poetry like this myself, but my poems are always lighter than what you wrote. Thats because my take on life, on Poetry, may be lighter than yours. But its still REAL, if you know what i mean?
The only thing i would fix would be punctuation, but those could be typos.

Its like somthing my friend told me: "Smiles are like bandaids; they cover the hurt, but they dont stop the pain."

Answer 2

Sadness is power...but power, like fire, can burn you. Be careful. If you really feel disassociated with yourself, you need to talk to someone. If, on the other hand, this is a poem you created out of "some" of your own experience and the balance is just "projection"...well, you've done an admirable job.

The poem is uneven, haltingly so at times, but when viewed with an eye to the speaker, consistently inconsistent...if that makes sense. I sense a maturity that comes from life changing experience in your poem...that, above all else, is the saddest part of all... lost innocence. We all lose it, but it is always sad when it's lost before its time.

Some of your lines are forced, but a little editing could fix them. You have a good ear for words and I think if you had someone read this to you out loud, without you trying to correct how they read it (and I "know" the desire against just sitting there and listening without interupting is very, very strong), you'll hear where the hard spots are and be able to correct them.

If, on the other hand, you've decided that the angst you needed to vent has been sufficiently purged and you'd rather just put the poem behind you...that's okay too.

On a final note, we all make mistakes, every one of us. Don't ever, not ever, think that your past mistakes "must" affect your future choices. Every day is a new one, and tomorrow always brings the hope of a new direction...but tomorrows are only held by the living. In all decisions, be kind, even to those who may not deserve your kindness. It may seem crazy, but trust me, in the end you'll be a better person and a healthier one as well. Avoid what you know will harm you, stay close to that which moves you in the right direction...stay focused, endure, this too shall pass.

and because you have a good poetic voice...keep writing

Answer 3

its very good but sad that you have to feel this way i was there before but you have a purpose here on earth don't let anyone take it from you. put all your hate and angryness into something you want to do or be and you will find that happy place just remember it doesn't happen in a blink of an eye like we would like but it will!! I'm still here ...............

Answer 4

this is the second one of yours I've seen like this today. It is very good and now, having seen your first one, it is getting scary. Please!!,find someone you can talk to or turn to! The pain I've read in your poems just seems excruciating.

I HOPE there is someone out there for you who can help.

Answer 5

William Wordsworth said that "Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquillity." I hope that writing about these things is helpful to you and that you will be able to find peace and tranquillity to write more.

Answer 6

it's good. You should submit it to a contest. But don't get me wrong. I do not agree with the concept that it's ok to kill your parents or anyone for that matter for any reason at all. I just found the piece eye-catching. Good one.= )

Answer 7

That's really sad, is it a true story? But it's is really good.

Answer 8

it definitely has potential!!!!