Why don't most feminists consider women's attitudes/behaviors in the dating/relationship arena applicable?

Question

Applicable to feminist theory. It is disheartening to me to see women state that they think a woman can be into chasing bad boys and it doesn't impact her feminism. To me, that's like a chem dep counselor saying their current alcoholism doesn't impact their counseling. What's up with this?

Answer 1

You're totally right. In the dating world, men are the ones who go out of their way for women; asks her out, picks her up from home, pays for the dinner, pays for the movie, drives her back home.

This is chivalry, something which most feminists claim to be against, but at the same time, they're ok with it being here.

That's why most people think that feminism means ''women who want equal rights yet want to have the benefits of being treated like a lady''.

Answer 2

Whenever someone joins a group, they are instantly filled with a lot of reasons why this groups' new way of thinking is better, and the old way is bad. In order to do this, they make up a lot of generalized statements which may or may not be true. Lets see the parallel between this and Christianity. Typically, one of the big messages Christians send out is that unless you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, it doesn't matter how good, loving, and like Jesus you are, none of this matters when it comes to the afterlife: you will be going to hell. In other words, the Christian God ignores all the positives of you as an individual, and judges you by a single Christian negative... at least when it comes to getting into heaven. Course there are so many variations of Christianity, as well as other religions and cults and belief systems out there that to label only Christianity as synonymous with your example would be incorrect. Pretty much all religions in one way or another say something to extent of "if you don't do what we tell you, you are ******, whether it is going to hell, or having bad karma, or never being free, or whatever else". Feminists say "if you don't do what we tell you (and of course believe, and possibly force your beliefs onto others), you are a mindless drone who is letting yourself get taken advantage by our society". Maybe there is SOME truth in this: ie studies have shown that there is inequality between men and women in the United States. This type of thing we are talking about on a very basic level can be used as a control mechanism. Anger, fear, and shame can all be used to control people to do things that they don't quite understand... like calling all non-feminists bad names. However, someone who really studies feminism, as well as religions, or control groups like the Nazi party can learn more about themselves. For instance, maybe a lot of women do let themselves unconsciously be like doormats. However, maybe being a "doormat" is a conscious choice, and should not be so derogatory. For instance, sometimes people think a guy is whipped because he does a lot of nice things for his girlfriend. Well, maybe he is being a wuss and just doing whatever the girlfriend wants because he is afraid of saying no. But maybe he is doing this because even though the 'rules' say you shouldn't supplicate to a girl, he still enjoys giving. Go study Christianity, and there are a lot of good nuggets of truth in it. Like to treat your neighbor as you wish to be treated. Not a bad idea, huh? Good for us to take what is valuable from a belief system, and leave the rest of the rigid structure.

Answer 3

What's with this rigid either/or attitudes some people have?

Men separate things in their lives into departments all the time, why shouldn't women? Who I am after hours in my personal life is DIFFERENT than who I am at the job when I have to wear that corporate mask like everyone else.

When I'm out socially, I want to relax, have fun, and if a gentleman I am interested in and attracted to wants to romance me or extend the traditional privileges of courtesy to me, then as a lady, I am ready, willing and able to accept them.

When I am at work, I want to be treated with equality, paid equally, and have the opportunities to advance just like anyone else. Why should relinquishing my basic femininity be the price paid for advancement?

As for that so-called feminist liking "bad boys" stuff, I think that is a huge myth generated to sell magazines.

Answer 4

I think if the feminist is chasing a bad boy for a good time, taking the same stance toward sex as the said bad boy does, then it shows they are acting in an equivalent and equal fashion.

Answer 5

I agree with you. I think the behaviors of many people are over looked and the blame is placed else where. Personally I feel this is one of the main problems with society and has now been for several years.

It seems as though many people would rather point and shout at someone else, rather than look at themselves for a way to solve the problem.

Answer 6

Because women are, in general, STUPID. I can say this because I am a woman. myself. The number of women around who have anything resembling a clue about anything at all, never mind insight into their own psyches, is almost ZILCH. I have YET to meet a woman who comes CLOSE to thinking about the state of womanhood in general the way I do, except possibly for Dr. Germaine Greer, and her, I have NEVER MET! I know we'd have a LOT to discuss, if we did! Whenever I open my mouth around women and point out all their stupid contradictions and idiotic thinking, I am instantly shunned as a pariah and a jerk. Women don't know HOW to think; they have little or no capacity for it AT ALL. We have been taught by society that the OUTSIDES of our heads are MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the inside, and thus things like mental development of logic, reflection, and insight are FOREIGN concepts to most women, thus they feel perfectly free to think one way and act in another. It's no wonder men don't respect us; there's NOTHING TO RESPECT.

Answer 7

I don't believe in this whole "bad boy" thing, to be honest. The only people I've seen going out with trashy losers like that are trashy losers themselves. Or maybe we just have different definitions of "bad boys."

I think women should date whomever they please... but I do challenge you to find a feminist who goes out with some dude that controls her life and used words like "h0" or "*****" or "broad" when referring to women.

I can't imagine a more horrible match than that. :) *shudders*

Answer 8

This is actually a really good point. I think in some ways the feminist movement was it's own worst enemy. Guys today are very confused by the social pressures that didn't exist a generation ago because of the feminist movement.

Answer 9

Stupidity and/or Entitlement Issues.

The majority of Society refuses to accept responsibility for their actions, and feminists are part of society, so why should they be any different?

Answer 10

Now, tell me what you mean by 'bad boys' and I'll come back and edit my answer to actually address the question.

If you mean those that dominate over their girl, abuse them, etc.. Then you're right.