He says he wants to marry me...we have been together for 8 yrs!!!!! We just planned to elope (very easy for a man might I add) for next November. When it came down to signing the marriage license application to mail back to the woman who is handling our ceremony, he told me he is scared and is not "wired" for marriage. He says he wants only me for the rest of his life and that isn't the case. He has nothing to say to me, only those words. I feel so sick, like someone hit me with baseball bat allover. I don't know what to do. He had been acted ok with everything we had been planning the past few weeks, I even bought my dress (he knows it too). The fact that we are living together makes this extra difficult. What do I say to him??? ignore him when I come home at night from work? I just don't know. I do know that I can't push this issue right now or nag. This is so unfair to me, and us. I just don't know how to handle this situation. Anyone else go through this?
2007-08-08 06:14:02 · 7 answers · asked by Kimberly S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to seriously talk to him, if you are his "fiance" that is the whole point, and you should be getting married. Talk to him, you need to let him know that you want to make it official
2007-08-08 06:18:14 · answer #1 · answered by ilovelilPhof 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are strong enough to handle that your relationship just might end, and you are thinking you may be able to move on (after a while of course) in the case it does end, how about telling him you want to split for a while because you just don't want to wait and wait only with a hope that he will marry you. Tell him its not fair as you are getting older and if the relationship is good you do not understand why he isn't ready after all this time.
Have him move out and let him think to himself and decide what he really wants... he may just realize that he really wants to be with you-----but like I said he might decided to end the relationship.
I know some women are not strong enough to handle that the relationship will end... they will feel angry for a while and split with her man to scare him into a commitment--and if the man says the relationship is over she will be begging him to come back.
that is why I advise you to do it if you think you can handle it.
I am so sorry he isn't giving you that ultimate commitment. After all these years he should know if you are the one.
2007-08-08 07:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a complete jerk for proposing and then backing out of your marriage. Are you sure he didn't just make an empty promise so you'd move in with him?
You're right, it's completely unfair to you. Do what you can to get out of that home and start living your own life again. He is SCUM. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this...but you seem strong. Get out! Be your own person, and then find someone who appreciates you enough to commit to you for life.
2007-08-08 08:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by MB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its easy.
Tell him-" The reason you moved in is because we were to be married. Without that it is time for you to leave. I want and have always wanted to be married to my partner. If you cannot give that to me because you are not wired that way, then it seems you are not for me. This is sad but true. I feel like you mislead me to move in under false pretext. It is time for you to move out. The privileges that come with marriage are now out of your reach if the marriage is out of mine. Leave tomorrow. You are sleeping on the couch tonight."
He will never get married if he thinks you will give in on this.
If marriage is important to you and he knew that this is the worst form of deceit.
2007-08-08 06:39:25 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, he is a real pig for saying yes and then backing out.
All you others out there thinking of moving in together...this happens ALLLLLLL the time. Learn a lesson about some guys.
2007-08-08 06:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if marriage is what you really want, then you have to tell him to move out. it is not ok to live together and not be married, i assume that's how you feel. he is just appeasing you and then push came to shove and his really feelings have emerged. you have to make the tough decision, but the right one too, for you. just tell him he needs to move out, you two can continue to date to see how it goes, but you two have fundamentally different needs. it won't work with fundamentally different needs. don't keep the status quo.
2007-08-08 06:24:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to either commit to marriage or let you go.
2007-08-08 06:23:58 · answer #7 · answered by PharmNerd 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋