Is it " the little things" or the "big things" that break up a relationship?

Question

Bf released from prison 8 years ago. Moved in with ex in another city about 6 months after release. Says that it was because parole officer kept threatening to send him back to prison and he wanted a new one. That was the only way. We have been together entire time before and after prison, and throughout him living with ex. We have a 4 yr.old daughter. Still fight over the fact that he moved in w/ her and not me. He continues to say "its not what it seems" and that I should believe in him if I love him. Yet, our relationship has plummetted since I have been mentally abusive towards him for 1. still living w/ex 2. flaunting ex with family as his wife and disrespecting me 3. filing for child support My contribution has been I have 1. been uhfaithful 2 times since his release from prison. 2. cronic complain 3. don't clean house 4. have no motivation to do anything but waller in self pity He claims I have no valid reason.Our demise is because of me. What are your thoughts?

To answer your comments. Yes we have been tested. Yes I am thinking of the role model I need to set for our daughter. I moved and didn't let him know where I lived and dated 2 other guys for almost a year. He found me.He has been to prison, but in his defense- he made a very bad mistake that he paid for. I have forgiven him for that mistake. And it is a fact- PAROLE OFFICERS

Do have the authority to decide where you live and they can send you back to prison if you aren't obeying the rules they set out for you. They have the ability to make your life a living hell if they decide they don't like you. So that answer is insulting to me. This is someone who obviously doesn't know anything and is commenting on something they know nothing about. And NOT EVERYONE who has been in prison is a bad person. That is close minded thinking. I won't say everyone whose been to prison is good either. But about 5% of people are genuinely good people who have made a mistake. He is not a career criminal. He did the wrong thing once and got caught at it. And because I slept with 2 other men - doesn't make me "trailor trash" either. But we both did the responsible thing and got "tested" I think many of you decided to "kick me while I'm down" please only respond if you are compassionate and truly want to help with your advice.

Fact: he has been living with his ex for 8 years.
Fact: I am very depressed and lonely because of this.
Fact: we have a 4 year old daughter and a 17 year old son
Fact: He is a work aholic
Fact: I am very depressed because of our living arrangements
Fact: He refuses to acknowledge that my depression is a result of his actions
Fact: The only think keeping him from living with us is the fact that his clothes don't hang in the closet. Other than that, he is here most of the time when he isn't working.
Fact: My self esteem is low
Fact: I went "on strike" and stopped cleaning the house because he refused to move all of his stuff in
Fact: He refuses to move all of his stuff in until I go "off of strike" and start cleaning and cooking again.
Fact: we are both hard headed and neither of us is budging and our relationship is almost dead because of it.

Answer 1

My thoughts? YUK you both need help. Leave and try to better yourself for you childs sake....

Answer 2

Did I read the EIGHT years correctly??? Seriously- the boyfriend has been living with his ex for eight years and continues to do so??!! You are absolutely responsible for your own life. The demise is only if you allow it to be that way. Think of your daughter. If your daughter were in the same situation- would you tell her to get the hell out? This relationship has no future. Honestly, you should have left when he went TO prison. Get out of the self-pity and distance yourself from this life as much as you can. It's okay to be a single mother. A good guy may come along- he may not. What's important is that you are happy with the person who you are and you can be a good mother and role-model for your child. You are lucky in that she will forget a lot due to her age. You can turn it around NOW.

Answer 3

Where do I start. You have to understand that this is not a good situation for you and your child. Obviously he did not even give you a chance to be his life partner. It doesn't seem that he is ever truly involved with his own child, which in actuality might be a good thing.
If you managed to take care of yourself and your child the whole time he was in prison, why don't you just continue on that path. Forget you ever met the guy, Try to get some child support and find love and happiness with someone who can keep himself out of jail or at least be loyal to you.

Answer 4

You're both to blame !! Grow up ! You've gotta a daughter to raise now !! Stop being a gripe monster and start cleaning your home !! As far as him.... speak to him about where the relationship stands between you ! If both of you wish to continue then lay all the cards out and listen to each other like never before !! Don't complain, be compassionate, and be honest as well as open !! I wish you the best of luck !!

Answer 5

You should stop bringing up him moving in with this other woman. You forgave him enough to stay with him at the time, so put it behind you and move on. Concentrate on the issues today rather than what happened years ago. Personally I think it's the small things that end a relationship. Him moving in with someone else was a big thing but you still managed to move past it. You constantly bringing up the past is a small thing, but it could be one of the many things that ends it. Having said that, I think his behaviour would make me very unhappy as well - I don't think it's all down to you at all.

Answer 6

NEWSFLASH!! This guys sucks! I would NEVER allow my 4 year old to be around the situation you are in. You need to walk.. no you need to run as far away from this as possible. He need to pay child support. You need to get on with your life. He was a sperm donor. He is a LOSER!!!! You don't want to be one, do you? Then talk to a professional, get help and get metally healthy! I'm sure you have low self esteem or you wouldn't even consider trying to rekindle this relatinship. Well guess what.. everyone deserves to be happy and in love... even you! This guys is a loser and you should understand that. He is obviously stringing you along.

Answer 7

first UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DISRESPECT YOURSELF FOR EVEN INVOLVING YOURSELF WITH THE LOOSER. PRISON, CAN'T YOU FIND A MAN THAT ISN'T IN PRISON? HELLO! walk DO NOT RUN TO THE NEAREST EXIT. HE IS A LIAR , HE OBVIOUSLY HAS CREDIBILITY ISSUES, APPARENTLY YOU HAVE NOT DEVELOPED A VALUE SYSTEM AND MORAL COMPASS OR WHICH IS A DOMINO EFFECT IN LIFE CAUSE POOR SELF ESTEEM AND SELF LOATHING. STOP! TODAY IS THE DAY TO STOP THE ****, YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN CERTAINLY CHANGE THE FUTURE, DEVELOP A BACK BONE, BE WILLING TO STAND YOUR GROUND BASED ON GOOD VALUES AND WANT MORE FROM LIFE THAN A LITTLE EX CON CALLING THE SHOTS AND RUNNING YOU DOWN, TELL HIM TO CLEAN THE FING HOUSE YOUR NOT HIS *****-GIRL! NOW GROW UP AND BE THE WOMAN YOUR PARENTS RAISED YOU TO BE AND SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR YOUR KIDS.

Answer 8

you two have two many problems, and damn complicated onces at that. the best thing i can tell you is this: there is only one person in this whole entire planet that you can control, and that is YOU my friend. so, i suggest stop feeling sad for yourself, get your a$$ off of the floor, and begin to straighten your life and your way. Quit wallering in self pity, do stuff for yourself that you like. do you like to treating yourself to mani and pedi? do it. go to the salone and get your hair done, buy new clothes. you will feel good if you look good. hang out with people that motivate you, that brings out the positive side of you and with no time you will realize what you are worth and can begin to think what the best thing for you and this relationship is. best of luck.
oh, and it would help if you stop cheating too.
peace

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Sounds like you need a new life entirely. Get yourself together and leave him alone. He is not worth the trouble. You have VERY low self-esteem. Get help quick!

"nam-myoho-renge-kyo"

Answer 11

you should never been with this guy from the beginning. You must leave him and get on with your life. Its obvious that you are more than tired and he doesn;t love you enough.
Its never so difficult to build your life from the beginning , believe me! there are no little things in your relationship, just big things and they destroy your life