How do i help the pain of deployment? For military families only!?

Question

My husband has now been gone for almost nine months. He was extended from 4 months to an "undertimined" amount of time. He reacently got to to come home for mid tour leave and it was wonderful. But now he and i both are going through this REALLY bad horriable depression. I have little sleep and horrid nightmares when i do. I am physically ill because he is gone and the FRG is of no help at all. They hate me. I am oppionated and that just isnt Army correct. I am supposed to be silent and not care. But I cant do that.
I hurt beyond belief and everyone just keeps telling me that i will settle into this. But what is their to settle into?
I'm seeing a therapist and i have for years but..... no meds i have ever been on ever have helped and no amount of talking helps either. I try all kinds of crafts and things. But nothing gets my mind off of the pain. He went to his CO and he told him that " all women are crazy" and then accused him of violating opsec. He didnt by the way. HELP!

i can email and he calls when he is not out on mission. but that some times makes me cry even more. i also send packages one a week for he and the guys because his friends are mine to. they are my family. i have no siblings but they are like them. and my family lives 4 states away. i've applied to get a job all over... an no one is hiring right now. i've called the chaplins office and they dont seem to care either. everything.. just stinks.

Answer 1

My father was in the military for 27 years and I was in for 5. It was never easy leaving the family behind and I am sure that your husband feels that too. My dad tried to make it easier by writing my mom, sister and I seperately every week to tell us what was going on. My mom would send little "care packages" with small treats, pictures of us kids, pictures of things they did while he was state side. She wrote him everyday. One day the letters quit coming and we were notified that he was MIA in Cambodia; she continued to write him everyday for nine years. In 1973 she got a call from the State Department telling her that my dad was alive and would be released from a POW camp in Hanoi in two days. He spent three weeks in the hospital in Germany where he could call her once a week for an hour. He had received all the letters that she wrote while he was there and that is what he says brought him back from his separation depression...just knowing that someone loved him all the while he was going through the worst time of his life.

Perhaps you can do the same thing, write a letter, email or send care packages with memories of you two together so that you can communicate your love for him and feel closer emotionally that you are physically.

Answer 2

I feel bad for you. Your husband's CO had no right to say all women are crazy,how dare he say that.

Right now the best thing is too keep in touch frequently with your husband. Being where he is at can make separation anxiety and depression even worse. I know I would be depressed if all I heard all day was bombs,and shot gun blasts in a place that has nothing but sand and dust,and run down shacks. A place where no matter what we do will never stop the terrorist's. Those people over there will fight till the end of time,they always have and always will no matter if we had a million more troops over there.

What you can do is keep your mind occupied by helping other military families. Start a support group,join groups online. Network with other spouses that are going through the same thing as you are. Keep busy so you can beat the depression. Because depression can kill you. Sadness,anxiety and any type of stress related illness can release cancer cells in your body [scientifically proven,but I believed it along time ago before scientist discovered it] and make you very sick.

Start here: http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx?partner=yahoo&OVRAW=military%20wives&OVKEY=military%20wife&OVMTC=standard&OVADID=482874022&OVKWID=973375022
http://militaryfamilies.bellaonline.com/articles/art8868.asp
http://www.military.com/NewContent/0,13190,Defensewatch_020705_Kipling,00.html

Here are some places to go to meet other military wives.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/support_for_young_military_wives/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/militarywives2/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/militarywivessupportclub/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LifeofaMilitaryFamily/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/airforcewives/
http://www.militarytimes.com/blogs/homefront/2007/04/19/a-big-step-in-the-right-direction/
http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=102797425&MyToken=c78551e3-9721-4c06-9571-541c396c03d6

Also try Google groups,and MSN groups. Also try myspace and type in their search military wives.
http://www.militarywriters.com/Interview%20-%20Larry%20Mitchell.htm
http://www.meetup.com/
http://www.myspace.com/
http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=102797425&MyToken=c78551e3-9721-4c06-9571-541c396c03d6

Best Wishes to you and yours

Answer 3

Sorry your going through this. Can you get him a laptop? E mail is better than snail mail.
Also contact the base chaplain. Many of them have spouse support groups.