Is it wrong for me to spy on my wife's computer habits.?

Question

We have problems. We have been married almost 4 years. She has been distant and depressed for the last two. She hasn’t been the same since the birth of my wonderful daughter. She is having what I believe is an emotional affair with her ex-husband. I used some spy ware on our home computer to see what all it is that she does on there. I was shocked. I am a very open and honest person so I couldn’t keep what I did from her and sleep at night. She had some bad content on there about me and us and she was sending it to her ex and his sisters, heck, even to one of the neighbors. A lot of she had never even told me about before. She has become very secretive about everything so is what I did wrong? I came clean with her after seeing with my on two eyes and she was defiantly lying to me all along when I asked here what all the fuss was with myspace. This all happen like 6 months ago but it is still a major divide between us.

Answer 1

I must admint I do. We have a daughter in common and he has a teen daughter. She has it in her room so I tried to talk to him about watching what she does. Since I didn't get support I went ahead and secretly set up a family key logger. i set the security programs to ignore the files and allowed them access. It is vritually invisible. My friend passed it on to me because she discovered she was being cheated on with it. If you suspect something is wrong and you think you have the right to know about it then I do not see why not.
But why do you ask if you already spied on her? Keep that information with you if eventually you look for a divorce. Maybe counceling can help? Has she explained why she is like that with you? She needs to get things straight before she runs your marriage any further down the drain.

Answer 2

Yes, it is wrong to spy on her. But whats done is done. However, she will not trust you any longer if she knows you do it. So you sort of have a Catch 22 on your hands. Did she gain a lot of weight while pregnant? Women can often get depressed because their bodies have changed. As for her talking to other people, her friends are going to tell her what she wants to hear. They are not going to tell her that she is part of the problem too; theyll just point fingers at you. I think you need to try marraige counseling. Otherwise, a divorce seems innevitable.

Answer 3

I've learned that myspace is nothing but trouble for relationships. It gives her the ability to be in contact with people all over the world but not so much anonymity. She gets to hear how good she looks because of her pictures, and talk to people she'll probably never meet.

But since you're spying on her you must not trust her, in which case, your relationship isn't doing so well. Yes, it is wrong, but then again it's wrong that she's given you a reason to.

Answer 4

Trust is key seems the trust is gone here. Her in you cause she will not open up to you and then you in her casue you went around about way to find out. I am not here to tell you if what you did is wrong or not. I too am remarried and have an ex but I tell my husband when I talk to my ex and what is said so he will not feel there is something there that is not. Seems you two may want to think about finding a way to talk to each other and tell the truth. Try a note book you write her in it and then she writes you back that way you are not really taking face to face. Maybe she finds that hard. May want to find a pastor to talk with you both if yo uwant to save this. Good luck and prayers your way.

Answer 5

I guess she's not happy with you, at least at this point. Maybe because of something that she wanted you to do, but you don't. Remember, having a new member (in this case, it's your daughter) also changes things, either in good or bad way. Try to talk/find out about what makes her unhappy and from there you go.
Communication in relationships is very important. However, there's something she can not talk directly to you, so if possible, find out those "unhappy" things from her closest friend (the one you may trust the most) so that you know what to improve.
Best of luck!

Answer 6

use the knowledge you have and improve. You have an advantage over her into getting into her mind, fix thing and do better. Prepare a vacation where you two can just have fun and make her laugh. Some money are mean to be spent and from a guy point of view, flower is just a waste of money, but from time to time it help, and using the flower money for a vacation where you can also relax is a good deal

Answer 7

Yes, it is wrong. If she is your wife you need to trust her. If you can not then you need to seek some counseling. If she does not want to do it with you, which she should if she wants to get better with you, then you should go alone.

Ah, I see it is too late to not spy on her. That was probably a blow to her trust as well. You should try to get into some group therapy. And as I said, if she won't go, then you go alone. The answer of what is the next right thing will appear in time.

Answer 8

Well yes spying on her was wrong. But we know a female will be at the gates of heaven and tell saint peter she has done nothing wrong to get into heaven and st peter seen her doing wrong!!! Whatever it is you say dude i would try a marriage couselor to resolve whatever it is.

but what in the world was the point of buyin spyware if you
told her! Thats why its called SPYware , meaning don't say nothing. Of course she is going to be secretive she now what your doing and now you have to figure out her next move, even though you have evidence and she still lied. Trust my friend i now exactly what your going thru some what, seen it myself hang in there. But if you going to obtain evidence DON'T tell her your defeating the purpose!!!

Answer 9

I don't believe in spying on anyone, but now that you have the information you need to use it.
I would be devestated to find my spouse talking bad about me, let alone to an ex.
There are a lot more problems in this marriage that need to be addressed before you even approach the spying issue.
Sit her down and you need to talk, argue, whatever it takes to get all the bad out.
Good luck.

Answer 10

I am in the same situation. A wise person told me to "not be an enabler". If it doesn't get better, get out. I am not a believer in divorce but sometimes it is what it has to come to. Lying is never good and it really kills a relationship. Good luck, I feel for you.