Am I leaving my husband for the wrong reasons?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 yrs now. We always did not get along, but always managed to make it work. Recently we had a very large argument which caused me to re-think our relationship and come to the idea of finally leaving him. During this period, I meet this person on a marriage service. We have clicked and share the same morals, values and ideas. He is currently divorced and is looking to marry someone and I decided to just separate from my husband physically and emotionally. This significant other and I are planning on meeting in Miami, my hometown to see if what we have between one another is real. If it is, I believe I have enough courage to leave my current husband. I have never cheated on him during our marriage, and I truly feel because of our relationship I was driven to this point.

IS IT WRONG OF ME TO LEAVE HIM FOR THIS OTHER PERSON IF I DO FIND UNDERSTANDING AND LOVE?

For everyone that answered, during our argument, my husband hit me. He has been physically abusive to me before. He does not value what we have built together and uses money to make him feel better. I am not saying he is a bad guy, but yes, I did find someone else who was sharing the same values.

By the way, I also meet my husband online!! hahah.. This person I meet, I will not be meeting in a non-public place. And just so everyone knows, my husband has also decided to move on..
Although, he thinks it is best we continue to try.

Thank you for all your in-put.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you had decided to leave him before you met this other person. The other person is of no consequence as I see it. Number one if another person can make you want to leave your husband your marriage must not be too great. I think what you really need to ask your self is what went wrong in my marriage? Is this marriage not worth trying to save? Lastly and most importantly I think you need to ask your self why am I truly drawn to this other person? Is it because of who that person is? Is it because I feel the need to fill a void?
I think that honestly this is a question only you can answer. I would advise that before you make any decisions you should do some serious soul searching so that you can do what is best for you.
I don't think that anyone has the right to judge you so to the guy that called you a whore, I have this to say.....
F*^# off !

I just saw the part about him hitting you. There is NEVER a good reason for a person to hit another so that alone is the perfect reason to leave him. GET OUT now, abusers almost always get worse rather than better. I do stress and agree with the other poster that said you need to take some time for you. I think that you need to spend some time discovering who you are as an individual and taking care of you and learning to love your self before moving into a new relationship.

Answer 2

I can say that my situation is a bit the same except I did split from my ex and have decided to give the new person in my life a chance. Although it is hard, I luv my ex very much and think about him alot but when I really really start thinking about him I realize why we aren't together and why we didn't work out after all these years. You just have to make sure your strong enough to stay gone because if not then don't even do it until you are ready. Leaving someone and then coming back to them only gives them the idea that you can't be without them and in some cases can make situations worse so make sure you can stick to your decision. It is going to be very hard...you'll have moments where you miss the life you once had and even though the relationship with your husband wasn't a good one, it will still get you down. The new person in my life is great! He's a wonderful man and very very genuine. He's everything everything and more that my ex wasn't. I never believed that I would find someone like this but I did. Just start the relationship out SLOW like we are because you definietly would need healing time and in your case you don't know extactly that much about the man, he could be an AXE killer from all you know meeting him on a website! I'm being a bit sarcastic but at the sametime be careful. Also a bad marriage will push you away and sometimes cause you to seek a new relationship. The way I look at it as why feel bad when you do??? Your husband along with my ex should have never allowed the door to be open for you and I to start looking else where. They should have made sure that the door was solid and locked and that there would be no possible way for that door to be opened by anyone else but them......AND GUESS WHAT THEY DIDN'T....so good luck.

Answer 3

Seems like a lack of Communication between you and your husband!

It sounds like you have already started a secret romance with another man, while you are still married. Most people would view what you are doing as cheating. If you have already emotionally checked out of your marriage it's not fair to your current husband to keep him around "just in case."

Marriages aren't supposed to be easy! Your not always going to agree with your spouse, and that's okay. People don't try anymore,it's always easier to give up when things aren't going your way then to work at a problem. But you need to decide whether your marriage is worth saving and putting the time and effort into it.

How would you feel if your husband met a woman in a dating service and left you to begin a relationship with her?

I don't know all the details behind your decisions, but some people are just not meant for one another. However, that's something you and your husband are going to have to discuss and decide for yourselves.

Answer 4

I think it is wrong because you are not "officially" divorced yet. You sought love elsewhere when you were still legally tied to your husband. I don't think you handled things correctly. It sounds like your husband does have some issues, but you did vow to love him through the good times and through the bad. What happened to talking to someone at your church (if you are religious)? Better yet, what happened to talking to a counselor? I don't blame you for wanting to leave because he is physically abusive. That would be something that I couldn't deal with. But that still does not justify you seeing another man. And for the record, yes, you are cheating. Anytime you are emotionally tied to someone else when you are married, that's wrong. To me, it sounds like you may have even had some phone conversations and now you're planning to meet him?

I think you are looking for an easy way out. Nobody should have to be neglected or abused in a marriage, but you don't sound like you're willing to do what it takes to make the marriage work. Now if your husband refuses to get help and/or doesn't change, then you have grounds to leave. But to say you've found somebody with similar interest, beliefs, morals ... that's a cop-out. I am sure all of us married people could stumble across someone that we find more attractive, more understand and loving that our current spouses, but would it be logical for us to end our relationships?

There are always two sides to every story, but from what I can see you are dead wrong.

Answer 5

I've answered this question before, and I'll answer it again.

First, and on a positive note, everything in this world happens for a reason. You met someone coincidentally in the midst of an unhappy marraige, and now the excitement of feeling alive is propelling you forward in ways you never thought possible. Its a dream and its wonderful and you never, ever thought it could be like this... its ideal... its magnificent...

However, REALITY, is that you have a committment. And whatever the reason for meeting him is, is ASIDE from the fact that you have obligations to not just a husband, but as a wife. You vowed the day you got married, that you would be there and fight through thick and thin... So your moral obligations are to what you promised yourself you would do.

Here is the thing. You need to weigh the pros and cons and understand that there IS a reason for everything. You just dont know what that is, yet. Is this man really put on this earth to take you away from a family, a life and relationship? Or is he put on this earth to TEST YOUR COMMITTMENT to your marraige, your life and relationship? My take is you will never know.

But before you do something outrageous... like try, let me tell you that if things go sour, and if things go bad after you give everything in your life up for one person, you will resent this man that did this to you. And in the end, because you snubbed everything you worked so hard to build, you will be left standing complete and entirely alone.

You are trying to create a safety blanket for yourself by "checking to see if there is something with this guy", behind your husbands back - and if there isnt chemistry, then you will stay with your husband. in vain.

You dont respect him. The least you can do is try to and if all else fails, give him a fair chance of finding someone who will love all of him and not run to the next interesting guy that comes along.

Answer 6

Few years ago, I was lonely and looked for someone online. I wasn't married or seeing anyone at the time. I found a guy; we talked for six months on the phone and online before we met in person. I had no intentions of sleeping with him and had told him so before meeting him. He raped me, violently. I went to ER, had rape kit, talked to police. He served time in jail. Meeting people online can go horrible wrong.

If that is the kind of woman you are who checks out on your marriage cause it's not always wonderful and you aren't loyal, then leave. Your husband will find someone who is way better than you are. One day he is going to meet someone who is beautiful, smart and loves him. You'll still be looking for that next big thing.

Answer 7

You are rationalizing and probably started the contention to begin with, if your not happy then leave under that understanding. CHEATING IS CHEATING no matter how casual you play it or undersate how innocent your actions are. I smell bullshit, and this reeks of it. Live up to your promise when you got married or end it gracefully. Close one door before you open another, KARMA is a long handed, long memory kinda girl and cheaters always get cheated on, it's the rule!

Answer 8

Get yourself free from your current husband before even thinking about meeting someone else.

If you decide to get back together this will cause irrepairable problems.

On your current situation, evaluate whether you would be better off with him or without him, and proceed from there.

Most people are just too lazy to straighten things out. " I don't like this , I'll run off with someone else, everything will be roses."
Guess What? same stuff, different day....

Answer 9

I think you are leaving your husband because you wish you'd never married him. This new guy is just a safety net, an excuse.

I would recommend taking some time for yourself after your divorce. If this new guy is right for you, it is not fair for him or to you to make him a "rebound" relationship.

If it is meant to be, he will wait for you.

Good luck in finding happiness and contentment. :)

Answer 10

it sounds like your just not happy,but just because your and your hubby fight doesn't make it right,we could use more info on your hubby to give a real answer.but going on what i have read,you have already decided to leave him for this other man.whether it wrong or right the choice is yours..but it's not right to go and see if this other guy is what you want while your still married,you should have a divorce before you go guy hunting.