We've been married a year and a few months. As soon as we got married things changed. Before- we went to church together, got along great After-he doesn't want to wake up for church he blows up over the tiniest of things. For example, I am trying to save money to buy us our first home so I have been trying to unplug things that aren't in use. I unplugged his phone charger....there wasn't even a phone attached and he go sooo mad it almost got physical. Anytime I do something like that he tells me how I don't know what I'm talking about. Also, I have one more semester of college and work part-time so it is harder for me to be dedicated to the house work, but when I do clean or cook he says it isn't good enough and that I ain't good for nothing and he don't know why he married me. Anytime I even open my mouth to talk he makes me feel like I am stupid and what I say doesn't matter. I've told him how I feel but he doesn't seem to change.
2007-08-08 04:13:51 · 14 answers · asked by hambone1985 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is insecure about you and can't admit it. He may feel controlled because you are trying to move ahead in life and not including him in the process. My soon to be ex husband did a lot of the same things that he is doing when I was in college. Turns out he was afraid I would leave him for someone "smarter" than he is...he put me down, made me feel crappy about myself like your husband is doing to you. People who put others down usually are doing it to try and improve themselves.
I suggest counseling for both of you. If he wont' go perhaps you need to go by yourself to try and figure out things on your own. I am not saying you have the problem, but in my experience it helped me to talk about my problems.
My suggestions are to give him space, don't talk about the big future plans you have unless he is in them and is involved in making the plans, and try not to talk about school too much. Perhaps work out a cleaning schedule that works for both of you. Ask him what his expectations are and that may shed some light on what is bothering him. If you don't know what each others expectations are, you can't be expected to meet them.
Good luck.
2007-08-08 04:22:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before a couple gets married they are always sort of afraid to speak their true op pinions about you or what u do thinking that you might leave them. But once you have commited your life to that person they think that it would be harder for you to leave them they start showing their true colors, Maybe your expecting to much out of him and he is not taking it the right way, or maybe your to controlling you need to try to have a pleasant conversation with out you criticizing him for what he does and what he doesn't do. And don't be to clingy to him give him time and space for him to miss you and let him know that you love him when you really do don't say it all the time.
2007-08-08 04:46:27 · answer #2 · answered by Shylee V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go my girl, before it gets worse and it WILL get worse.
What usually happens is they always put their best face, foot forward, to win that wonderful girl and now he's made you his wife. When I started college, my husband would complain because between his working, mine and classes, the house wasn't "cleaned" by his standards on any given day.
Granted, he could have helped me, but he believed it should be MY responsibility to cook, clean and do the bills, while making sure his life was easier.
He's emotionally abusing you now, it's only a matter of time, before it gets physical.
2007-08-08 04:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should stay. From what you wrote it looks like your husband is in need of something more from you. please try to talk with him without getting out of control of your emotions. i had similar experience in my married life . but with patient hearing, i could resolve it. it may be that because of your studies he is not able to have you as much as he wants, or it may be that he wants kids, or else he may be on the wrong path and inwardly he is blaming you for not being there for him, loving him, so that he would not be getting into temptations etc...after all you had loved him a lot. you cannot shut him out now. that may even make him even a worse person
2007-08-08 04:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by henna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what an as*hole, if he is acting like this already, does he not want to be married? It sounds like your marriage is already heading for a divorce. You shouldn't put up with this type of behavior. There are so many nice guys out there that would treat you right. Sorry to say, It sounds like you husband needs anger counseling.
2007-08-08 04:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by the_wayward1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go to counseling..He didn't show any of this to you before you were married? If he isn't willing to change or get help then you go to counseling for yourself. This is not a godly man. Talk to your pastor he will be able to guide you
2007-08-08 04:22:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married to a control freak and an emotional abuser. His true colors are now appearing. I am sorry...but you would be wise to leave him before he becomes physical with you. It is only a matter of time.
2007-08-08 04:21:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow. what a jerk...seems like all he wanted was someone to take care of him...You two need some time apart and maybe he'll realize what's he's missing. If after that he still treats you lower than dirt then divorce him and move of because you deserve MUCH better than that.
2007-08-08 04:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry sweetie, but you have married a wrong man. While you are still young and have no children, please leave him. He has no respect for you now, and that won't change any time soon. If you have babies, it will get much worse. Don't waste your young life on him, move on.
2007-08-08 04:29:17 · answer #9 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like this is doomed to fail unless he wants to work on it with you and by the sounds of it he doesn't want to work on anything. Maybe you need to spend sometime apart from each other for a while, he might realize that he does want this to work.
2007-08-08 04:18:26 · answer #10 · answered by Sara M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋