He says he doesn't want a divorce and that he loves me, just not the way he used to. He wants to run with his buddies and go out to bars. He also said that there is no one else and doesn't know whether he wants a divorce or not. He said he needs some time. He has been gone for over two months. We have sex about 3 times a week other than that not much contact with one another. He has never done anything like this before. Should I continue to wait for him? Please advise....
2007-08-08 03:57:39 · 21 answers · asked by tlc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my opinion, you should stop having sex with him. He's having his cake and eating it too.
As far as waiting for him... I wouldn't. It's one thing to separate because you have things to work out. It's another thing completely to leave someone so that you can party.
2007-08-08 04:04:07 · answer #1 · answered by Jen0408 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a situation that is very much familiar to me, as my mom is experiencing the same thing. You are still lucky though, as my father started acting like your husband only after 24 years of marriage with my mom. Well number one thing to do is to have a talk with your husband. From there you will know what to do. My father has been saying the same things, that he is not sure about divorce or not, and that there is not third party involved. He has been lying for two years until eventually, I, as the eldest in the family also confronted him and asked him point-blank if he has another girl. He said YES - and that is it. So from then on, I told my mom not to pursue my dad if she is not strong enough. She tried to win my dad back but to no avail. So now they are civil to each other. My dad still goes home once in a while, but they no longer have sexual contact. This way... my mom is slowly cutting the strings. I think she will push for legal separation once she is emotionally ready. Good luck. As I have said earlier - the first step is communication.
2007-08-08 11:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by rhodamarie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is out running with his buddies to the bars make sure he wears condoms during sex with you, you can't always believe what a drunk tells you and given he's found his freedom he is going to get some strange after 15 years of the same woman. It sounds like he is using you for sex when he strikes out in the bar you need to make up your own mind don't sit around and wait for him to decide if there is someone better for him out there.
2007-08-08 11:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey move on. There are better guys out there. Yes 15 years is alot of time with one person. If he loved you then he would be right beside you trying to work this out and not living seperatly and going to bars and so forth. He is using you for sex you said thats the only contact yuo pretty much have. Move on honey find someone who wants to be with you. Im sorry that this is happening to you i feel for you from the bottom of my heart.. I will pray for you
2007-08-08 11:03:48 · answer #4 · answered by superthunda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's moved out, wants to act like he's 21, won't give you a clear answer and you're still having sex with him? He has everything he wants, why would he come back home?
Only you can decide how long you're willing to wait for him. At this point he's using you. I know how painful it is, I've been through something very similar. But you need to respect yourself. He needs to make a decision one way or another because what he's doing now is taking an extreme emotional toll on you and he's being very selfish.
2007-08-08 11:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by Beth 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to make that decision yourself. But if my husband wanted to run around with his buddies and go out to bars...I wouldn't give him a chance to make a decision about divorce. I would make the choice for him. He isn't happy right? Why would you want to wait for him? He will want to come home wagging his tail when all the fun stops for him...you would be a fool to keep waiting for him.
2007-08-08 11:03:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, that is him thinking something better is coming along and sounding like you are being a doormat hoping he will come back.
Too many times in a marriage a woman becomes the shadow of the man and he sees her in as much interest as he sees a shadow.
If he is saying he is free to go out with other women, start going out with other men, even if they turn out to be one date wonders.
Don't put your life on hold or wait for him; find and pursue whatever it is you want to do, go out with your friends and family and enjoy your life and only give him sex if YOU want it, not him. Don't be available at his beck and call. If you find and pursue your passion, he may find a renewed passion for you but if not, it is his loss, girl!
2007-08-08 11:06:11 · answer #7 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do things a little different with hem, give hem his space. Let hem do what he wants! Things may seem the same to hem at home with the same ol thing. He couldn't wake up and change things if he was that unhappy, ask for a little space for himself. You don't have to sleep with hem if that's all he comes by to just do. Go out with some of your friends or even treat yourself to something you like to do. Live your life,change your style go out and see someone. He is! You are apart now, let hem see what he left. If he needs some time, he could of went into another room or for a walk. Don't wait for hem, "You" need some time to.
2007-08-08 11:56:54 · answer #8 · answered by pedebeed 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, I would move on with your life. I wouldn't necessarily date anyone, but I would move forward and keep on living. He may be going through a midlife crisis and need a little time, but I wouldn't wait too long. No matter what he says, there may be someone else. I speak from experience here.
2007-08-08 11:15:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a phase...
Now ask yourself this question... are you keeping him trapped at home for some reason?
I know this type of man. He just wants to have an IDENTITY outside his marriage. Go let him have one.
Call it male bonding. It is a very real thing. Women have it too, and they go shopping. Men like to drink and talk without having to worry about who is listening.
If you want him to be happier at home, then encourage him to schedule these times with his friends, like every thursday night or something. Then your man will have something I like to call a "schedule", and when he is home, he will know it is time to do just that, be at home.
Final Note: Work harder at your relationship, talk to him, and ask him why he is not happy. Listen to the answer, even if it is YOU who has to make a change.
2007-08-08 11:09:50 · answer #10 · answered by Joe G 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋