How to control emotions? Women in business?

Question

When I get really angry, I often get upset and cry. I can think of things I want to say to get my point across and it sounds great in my head, but I am not able to express myself because I am in tears and am trying to make myself stop crying. Do any other women have similar stories that have overcome this? I am starting a business career and I know this will be a problem. I need to learn how to control my tears and stay calm enough to express myself professionally.

Answer 1

Yes. I've been there. So have lots of people whether or not they want to admit it, and YES, some men have cried on the job, too.

An idea?

Some people say having a focal point to concentrate on will help you to keep from crying. I found this has helped me. Other recommendations? breathing exercises, biting the lip (probably where that phrase "keep a stiff upper lip" comes from), touching one side of the nose as an acupressure point works for some...but be careful cause some people intrepet that in body language as not telling the truth. It's best to try to de-personalize the situation. Just tell yourself, it's not personal. Yeah, it's like psyching yourself out but sometimes it helps.

Here's a couple more tips in the link provided.

Answer 2

You cant take it personally. I think many women (myself included) take things too personally and let it show. Everyone runs across hard times, everyone has ideas hot down, it doesn't mean you arent valuable in your profession.

I am a teacher. I remember one day in my first year where the kids were just nuts, they didn't listen, they weren't interested in the lesson, they were talking, passing notes, etc. I took it personally. Rather than thinking "Okay the lesson isn't working, I need to think of something else to do or another way to present it" I though "Oh my God I am a horrid teacher, I bet the principal will walk in any minute and see my class going crazy and learning nothing, and she will think I am a horrid teacher too."

I have now learned to look at things more objectionably, not put the entire blame on myself and shrug off "bad days"...we all have them". When I know I am going to have a rough day I plan for it. I have extra activities for the students, small prizes (its amazing how much impact a Hershey Kiss has on 10 and 11 year olds), I treat myself to lunch or out to dinner that night, grab a smoothie on the way home and take the scenic route.

Get into that logical mindset and don't take it personally. Its like you have blinders on and what you are looking for is the goal.

Answer 3

It's not easy, but try to remember that business is not personal. Try to think of it all as an experiment. When you're discussing a business issue, you're just talking about how the experiment is going. That way, if there's a problem at work, you're considering an experiment that perhaps failed rather than a person that failed (you or your colleague).

Also, don't be afraid to prepare things in writing. Often, if there's a problem, a special meeting will be held just to discuss that one thing anyway. Take the time to collect your thoughts when you're not on the hot seat and you may do better once it's actually time to share them.

And if something unexpected comes up, don't underestimate the power of just taking a deep breath. The person you're talking to will just think you're taking a moment to think about whatever issue they raised. But take that moment for yourself and remind yourself you're not being attacked, you've just been asked what you think about the experiment you both share.

Good luck!

Answer 4

here this helped me i use to cry when i got pulled aside when i screwed up ..
we are humans we screw up but the confrontation is upsetting and normally i would do the same thing you typed..

1. realizing that it's not a personal attack - and brush it off!
2. being assertive and expressing how i feel starting small works!
3. www.coping.org -- kill those irrational belfies
4. as much as i said i never cared what people thought i was wrong you might be to- who cares what they think! and stop trying to impress just be you!
5. it's hard and will not happen over night don't be hard on yourself!
6. stay postivie! ask yourself with realistic answers how is this going to help me? chances are it's not going to help you so then follow up if it's not going to help me get to Goal why am i wasting my energy!
7. my final point take up mediation - and ask yourself while meditating how do i control my emotions!

hope some of this helps you everything helped me but it took 3 years!
but i feel better and i haven't cryied for getting to trouble or anything i screwed up! lol

Answer 5

I used to be that way because I grew up with a domineering father, hence, authority figures would cause a meltdown in me because as a child I knew what was coming with my father during a conflicting situation, so I equated the same from any authority figure in business, be it a male or female boss.

I had to address the issues I had with my father first, then I was finally able to control my emotions in a stressful business situation.

I don’t know if this is analogous to your life, but that’s what worked for me.

Answer 6

Don’t be too quick to judge on genders since your not an expert on there psychology. Each gender have there ups and downs. It is wrong that women are emotionally weak actually it’s the men who are emotionally inferior that’s why we are easily controlled by women. I would also disagree with you on what you have stated that women are the “downfall of all empires in the past.” What about the Taj Mahal? A great king of India created the Taj Mahal for the honor of his wife. Now it is one of the great wonders of the world. What about Queen Elizabeth I, who defended England against the invading forces of the Spaniards? Isn’t that another empire saved by a woman? I wish I could tell you all the details about how women contributed on our history but it would take too long. The truth is, in history if you would only study it in a deeper sense; most historians are males so most of the records emphasize on male prowess ness but if you would include the female contribution you will be amazed on how brave and honorable they are compared to there male gender. I respect the female race. I have studied there hardships and struggles in history and you can still see it today through our mothers on how devoted they are to there family and the society. Honestly speaking, no empire was built without the help of the female race, no great heroes are born without the female race and no great men are born without them. So logically speaking, no empire was built without them.

Answer 7

Practice, practice, practice.

Join a debate team ... create exercises to do with a family member and friend ... practice in the mirror ... take some psychology/ business/ writing classes at a local community college.

Reality is that starting your own business is one of the most personal things you can do. You're sacrificing your family time, personal time, and finances to get this going. The only way to ever rise to the top is to try, fail, and re-try.

Answer 8

You need to work on your communication skills and become more comfortable "thinking on your feet." Joining Toastmasters International is a good place to develop these skills in a comfortable and professional environment. Don't expect an easy answer or solution. It will take time and patience.

Answer 9

Get rid of the emotional aspect. Hard to do, but it's possible. At this point, excuse yourself and calm down before you lose control.

At this point, experience is priceless.

Answer 10

yes, when i am expressing a problem i have with someone i don't bring up really valuable information that usually pops into my head after the discussion. so its too late to say it with meaning and i have to wait for hte next fight/discussion.

don't worry, you will learn.