Poem dedicated to my mom, read and if u like it hit me up with a star! thanks?

Question

Thank You Mom
Growing up mom i can remember
How much we struggled
I saw the Tears from your eyes
I never understood why

All I see is us diffrent
and i understand the crule world
thats hard to survive
but mom i love you
cause you did everything right

we might of had little food to eat
but you kept us stronger each day
I hope somehow i can pay you
back someday!!

Answer 1

A mother would love it if you wrote down a grocery list and gave it to her as a poem, so she will love it regardless of what I may say...remember that. Any mother would be proud of any son who even "tried" to write a poem and dedicate it to her...so again, keep that in mind.

One thing, first and foremost with any poem you post...please, please, please, check your spelling. "I" is capitalized, it's "different", not "diffrent", "cruel", not "crule", and "that's", not "thats"...and yes, it does make a difference.

Your poem was from the heart and it is especially difficult to review and criticize poems that are so personal, but if you put them up here to read, we're going to assume you want us to help you make it better.

You said, "all I see is us different"...what did you really "want" to say? did you mean, "all I see is that we are different"? or "All I saw was that we were different"? or "All I see is different"? or "All I see between us is different"? Do you see how it might be confusing the way you wrote it? I know you probably had a specific thought in mind, but we often leave out words when we write and unless we get someone else to read it out loud to us, we keep missing them no matter how many times we go over it...I still do it! That's why it's important to "hear" your poem and it's best when it's read by someone else so you can hear it without cheating (your eyes will lie to you, trust me).

Finally, keep in mind that you're trying to paint a picture with words, not just write a thank you note. When you say, "I love you cause you did everyting right" it's prose, but when you say, "I love you because you "were" everything right"...now that's poetry. Do you see the difference? In the second example you didn't say she was a mom who made things right, you said she "was" everything right...that's called personification and it's a poetic device.

Do some editing to correct your spelling, and see if you can add a little personification to it...then give it to her when she's sitting down...and then walk away and let her read it alone so she won't feel self-conscious about crying in front of you.

She's a lucky mom to have such a grateful child

keep writing

Answer 2

Very Nice Poem and very nice avatar, You are sexy

Answer 3

It's good, I like it a lot, and not to be picky but you spelled "different" and "cruel" wrong.

Answer 4

thats nice i am glad that she is still alive to read it :)