I am so tired of trying to defend what I dont believe in to my "christian" husband. I was with him spiritually for a time but I guess I was a bad seed. (ha)
I have all the suggestions I can stand from the christian stand point so....how about something else any advice
2007-08-08 02:47:21 · 12 answers · asked by atak4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What are your beliefs? Is it possible to have a lot of agreements in the religious beliefs? I am atheist, my best friend is wiccan. both of us are with christian men, but we have found a lot of similarities in what we actually believe as long as we don't talk about jesus died for our sins part. If we talk about the beliefs that actually affect day to day life, we agree on most points.
However I have dated a man that wouldn't see past my "atheist" in order to actually get to know my beliefs. Every day all he could think was "why won't you accept the truth and love like I do". I went to church with him as a social event, I participated in the on campus activities he did like prayer by the flagpole and the publicity campaign for christian speakers. That wasn't enough for him b/c i didn't change my beliefs. He couldn't care about the person b/c he couldn't look past the label. As long as he couldn't see me through a label, we weren't going to work out.
Why are you having to defend yourself? You should both respect your religion. I have a lot of friends in multi-religious marriages. They teach their kids Hanukkah and Christmas. The kitchen is decorated in blue and the living room in red and green, with a cross right beside a star. They merged their differences b/c that didn't affect their lives. Same with the Baptist woman I know with a Catholic husband. They agreed beforehand to raise the children Catholic, but none of the daily beliefs differ b/c they are both Christian, even though Protestant and Catholic have a lot of negative history. They don't let dogma and doctrine destroy their marriage.
Though it can't be a matter of control. I've known relationships not work out b/c one party didn't eat pork and thought that meant forcing the other to give up pork.
So to give good advice, it really depends how the religions differ and exactly what you fight about. If every fight is about you not seeing the truth and converting to his way of thinking, he is not respecting you. A relationship without respect can not work. You may have to put your foot down and say this is something we just cannot discuss anymore. For my husband and I it's abortion. He is so pro-life and I am so pro-choice, anti-governmental regulations that we cannot agree--and merely don't discuss it. If he can't respect that rule either--this may not work out.
I have a lot of experience dealing with this so if you want to email with more, I'd love to hear about it. (especially since I'm the only one that thought you weren't christian)
2007-08-08 03:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to coexist with a person who has different beliefs, especially religious ones. It has been done though and the key is to agree to disagree. You can be a christian without shoving it down someone's throat. You can let someone know you are a child of God by your actions, not always telling someone, you know you should so this, or the bible says that. There is a difference in sharing your religious beliefs and suffocation someone with it. I wish you both the best of luck!
2007-08-08 09:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have always said, people talk about how hard it would be to be in an interracial marriage and I always though that was bull crap. The hardest thing for two people in a marriage is when they have two different religious faiths.
This is just going to get worse and worse. If a person really believes in a certain religous faith and they are living with you, they are going to continue to shove it down your throat and I reallydon't know how you get around that because that goes to the very fabric of who the person is.
2007-08-08 09:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, here is some advice. Tell your husband that there are certain aspects of his religon that you totally dissagree with and therefor won't adhere to them. If he does not respect you for YOUR beliefs than what kind of a person is he? Tell him that he is welcome to believe in any manner that he wishes and all that you want is the same respect. My advice is to NEVER "defend" anything that you yourself don't believe in, as not only will this be bad for your mental aptitude but will present you as questionable to others.
2007-08-08 09:56:46 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then quit trying to defend your viewpoint. It is what you believe, and if your husband respects you then he will respect your right to believe in what you believe in even if he disagrees with it. Tell him that the arguement is getting you both nowhere and you are tired of fighting about it. Agree to disagree. In turn, respect his beliefs; the street goes both ways.
Remember, it takes two to argue, and sometimes the only way to win is not to play.
2007-08-08 10:14:14 · answer #5 · answered by Eric C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call me crazy, but I always thought that marriage was about love and respect - acceptance of the other person. I never knew it was about epistimological pissing contests and browbeating about fundamental beliefs...I guess I have a lot to learn.
Seriously - this is not even about religion - it is about fundamental respect for you, and your right to be a separate person from him. Think about it - are there other areas in your life where he tries to get you to conform to what HE thinks is correct? Think about it.
2007-08-08 09:57:59 · answer #6 · answered by HooliganGrrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop defending yourself. You have a right to believe what you believe and so does he. You're not going to change his mind and he's not going to change yours. Respect his right to his beliefs and hope that he can respect yours. Arguing will get you nowhere
2007-08-08 09:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect him regadless. There is a passage that says you can win over an unbelieving husband by your respectful attitude. And know that you married him for better or worse. All you can do from here on is be the wife God calls you to be and pray for him.
2007-08-08 10:00:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Since you can't agree, it sounds like it is time to drop the argument. Agree to disagree.
2007-08-08 09:50:35 · answer #9 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its 2007...is this still an issue. Come on, thier has to be other things to argue about...
2007-08-08 09:59:24 · answer #10 · answered by Ray Puto 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋