My fiance is scared of commitment which is why he doesn't want to marry me yet. However, he proposed to me back on Christmas Day so did he not know that that's what that meant? He is also selfish in some ways. He has a problem with porn too. He just recently quit drinking and we don't see eye to eye on church. However, he's a great partner, a great father, and a great human being. He is trustworthy and a hardworker. He helps around the house all the time. We have been together over a year now. He loves me and i love him but he's never satisfied with what he has. MY family loves him and his family loves me and we all get along just fine except for his dad who doesn't agree with anything we do. Is there any other men out there like mine and what should i do about all of this?
2007-08-08 02:34:05 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From what you have said here, I can understand his reluctance to take the next step.
Let's translate some things in your question.
"He just recently quit drinking" = either he had a drinking problem and has decided to stop, or you do not like or agree with alcohol use, so you have badgered him into not drinking!
"He is also selfish in some ways" = he wants to do things that he enjoys, rather than what you want
"He has a problem with porn" = You do not like porn and do not want him to look at it
"we don't see eye to eye on church" = he is not in agreement with you
"he's never satisfied with what he has" = he is not willing to settle for less .
Rather than allowing him to be himself, you are trying to fit him into the mold of what YOU think he should be. You do not like porn, therefore he should not look at it. You have a different view church, and he should adopt your view.
He loves you, but is afraid that life is not going to get better if he marries you. If you are trying to control him now, it will only get worse after you two are legally wed!
Marriage is the joining of two people, but it should not require that they are in total agreement on every issue! Each person has their own ideas and personality. If you can not accept that he is going to not think exactly like you, and are going to try to force him to change, it may be better for you two not to marry.
When one person is forcing the other to change, resentment is going to build! This will eat away at the foundations of the marriage, and eventually cause serious problems!
Good luck!
2007-08-08 02:53:15 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't see eye to eye on porn, religion, & commitment. These are huge things to have differences about, and end relationships/marriages. He apparently has a drinking problem and is somewhat selfish, and he makes a good partner why?
You are the only one that can decide if this is worth it or not. It doesn't seem you were together too long when he proposed, if you've only been together just over a year now. Either decide if this is the man you want ot marry or if he's not and go from there. Nobody said you had to marry him just because he asked.
2007-08-08 02:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nope, we're not all the same...period! we may share some common view about things but that's is far as it goes. There are men would like to be married and do it, there are some have to think about it after they have put their foot into their mouth.
He sound like a man that is not sure if he really want to get marry. OK, the selfish part, are you some what selfish too? We all have a selfish part, but some are more selfish than others. This is something what you have to have to adjust to if you want to marry this guy. that is not right to talk about his selfish and hide yours, what do you call this?
Now the religion part, that is a person choice. You can't force him into going to church, he must go on his own free will. How easy for one to forget, that God gave all of us free will. This mean it up to us to believe or not to believe. You just attend church and maybe he will come around one day to join you on sunday morning.
What I m getting at here lady. If you going to married someone you will have to accept the good alone with the bad and he have to do the same about you. We are not in the Garden of Eden, ok. You have some issues with him ( porn, church, selfishness, satisfied) that you must serious think about before you take those vows. Have you ask him why he not satisfied with what he have? That alone is a major concern in my book and a huge red flag is waving wildly in my face. If he not satisfied he will not be happy thats the bottom line. So, make your decision...to be or not to be is the answer.
2007-08-08 03:25:20 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if you have a pretty good guy with you right now!
Did he say himself he was afraid of the commitment? For some getting married can be intimidating, esspecially since you say he's never satisfied with what he has. That doesn't mean you, but it could be a factor in his commmitmant issue. He sould be waiting for the perfect time, the right amount of money, etc. but if he's never satisfied (is he a perfectionist by any chance?) That time may never come because in this imperfect world, there is nothing or no time that will ever be perfect.
Not seeing eye to eye on religious matters is something that can easily be worked out between the two of you. I don't know to what extremes your views are different, but that uncommon ideaology can be worked with, unless it is standing in the way of one or the other's goals for the relationship.
Give him time, reasure him that what he has is satisfactory, Keep talking. You are engaged to him. He's with you now married or not and because of the engagement, he'll be with you for years to come.
2007-08-08 02:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sean C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love him than you have to except him for who he is because marrying a man is not going to change him.
Did you ask him how long he wants to be engaged before you get married. Being together for over year is not long at all. Maybe he just wants to make sure things work out before taking that step.
As far as porn, what's the big deal? I hear a lot of women complain about it. It's not like he's cheating on you. Try watching it with him. You'll learn some new and exciting things that will turn you on as well as him.
I'm sorry but from the things you are telling us, it sounds like you are the selfish one not him.
2007-08-08 02:49:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
My personal thought about this is that he is not very sure about how he feels about you,I'm not saying that he doesn't love you,but maybe he needs more time to realize that your the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.Just give him more time.Remember that there's no one perfect in this world,we all have our good qualities and our bad one,he seems like a good guy with some defects that normal for us humans.I don't think that men are all the same,I'm sorry to all men but most of them are assholes but they're some good ones like my husband out there.Good Luck on your relationship!!
2007-08-08 02:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by MAGGIE H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him about how you want to go to church as a family...and demand it...
Second, I would keep him busy so he doesn't get involved with porn, that could ruin your relationship....so dont' let him look at porn at all.......
After some time, try to get him to commit, if he is over these things, he will come around if he is a great guy............Good Luck
2007-08-08 02:40:10 · answer #7 · answered by lodger 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All men are the same. We all like porn. We all like to procrastinate. We are all selfish.
He is the way he is. You will not change him. He may change to a little while to appease you, but he will revert back to his old ways eventually.
If you don't think you can live with your differences, don't marry him.
2007-08-08 02:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Answer Man 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously they are not all the same. There's no way I would be even remotely involved with a guy with alcohol and porn problems - that's just asking for trouble. Something like religion is also very fundamental, because it would affect your marriage and future family.
Sometimes a couple just isn't a match for marriage. I think you should run.
2007-08-08 04:56:30 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
God created guy in his very own image, in comparable to God he created him; lady and male he created them. God blessed them and pronounced to them, "Be fruitful and improve in variety; fill the earth and subdue it. (Genesis a million:27-28). (If something fluctuate from this, it extremely is call sin. desobedience to God.) devil has stolen adult men identity 'reason his desobedience to God. only by means of Jesus Christ, adult men can get better his identity, (John a million:10-12) by potential of listening to the observe of the Lord. (Romans 10:17). (John 14:6). while his non secular strategies and ears be open by potential of God. What make guy fluctuate from the different are their way of thinking. each guy has his very own trend of existence. His very own will. in view that sins enter this international by means of Adam desobedience to God, adult men have been corrupted. they have acted corruptly in the direction of him; to their disgrace they are actually not his babies, yet a warped and crooked era. is this the style you pay off the Lord, O silly and unwise human beings? Is he no longer your Father, your writer, who made you and shaped you? (Deuteronomy 32:5-6). (Joshua a million:8-9)
2016-10-14 10:21:48 · answer #10 · answered by mayben 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋