I told my niece its a bad idea to sleep with her baby. What do you think?

Question

Her baby is 7 month old and she sleeps with her because the baby doesnt cry if she gets to sleep with her mother.
This all started because the baby was really colicy for about the 1st 3-4 months. Now the baby still cries unless she gets to sit on her moms lap or is being held. No one else works, she has to be with her mom.
Her mom sleeps with her now because she cries if they put her in her own crip. I told her its a terrible idea. I told her she needed to let her get used to her own crib. Is it me or is this baby learning to cry to manipulate her mom?

Answer 1

Well, my daughter, who's 19 months now, slept in the bed with my husband and I until she was about eight months. She slept in a co-sleeper. From there, she slept in a portable crib that we kept in our room until she was about one.

The first week of her sleeping in her own room was rough, but she adapted quite nicely and doesn't have any trouble sleeping by herself.

I don't think anything is "terrible" about a mother having her child close to her. And pediatricians have said that a baby does not know anything about manipulating the environment until they're at least 6 months.

Do you have children? Sometimes people who don't have kids don't really understand what it's like.

This will do no harm for the baby's development and the baby will eventually transition into her own sleeping area in due time.

Babies grow up quickly and before you know it, the world will began to take its toll like it does on all of us. I think we should keep our kids as close to us as we can because one day, they will start to seperate naturally and we will wish for those days.

Good day.

Answer 2

Ok, not to make me sound like the freak on here or anything, but when I was a baby I was sick a lot and my mom worked graveyard shift so I would always sleep with my dad. I got so used to it I couldn't fall asleep unless he was laying next to me! This was an happened almost every night until I was 4! Then my mom didn't have to work graveyard shift anymore so she evicted me from their bed. Since then I've had trouble sleeping. I couldn't even spend the whole night at someone's house until I was 13 ( I would get homesick and cry and need to go home!) All through high school I would get homesick at sleep-overs but by then I learned to suck it up. Now I'm a full-fledged insomniac (though I'm not homesick anymore) but I do sleep better now that I'm married.

Don't let her do this to her baby!! Print this out and give it to her. I cannot express how much I was made fun of and teased during school. Plus, it has lasting consequences.

Answer 3

My baby slept with me and she sleeps by herself now and has for quite some time. Sometimes it's not about the baby... it's about what the Mom needs. I enjoyed her sleeping next to me, and I knew she was okay. I could lean over and feel her tummy to make sure she was breathing... it was comforting for me.

There is nothing worse than someone telling you what is right and wrong for your own child. I think advice is great and sometimes well taken, but it is her baby.

Of course the best thing to do is not have the baby sleep with Mommy, but who is it really hurting? Sometimes we should just do what we want. They are small for only so long, if it makes everyone happy, than who really cares?

When Mommy is tired of the baby being in bed with her or when baby gets too old (per Mom) she will stop it.

Yes... it will be harder to wean the baby, but it is totally possible.

Babies can be manipulating... VERY. But, Mommy is letting her do it, and it is not too big of a deal. She will have bigger battles ahead!

Best Wishes!

Answer 4

Sure it's a terrible idea if the parent's privacy is more impoertant than the emotional well being of the baby. In many societies, babies are rarely put down at all for the first year or more, they are carried next to their mother's bodies 24/7 and fed on demand, not schedule. These children rarely have emotional problems, and do not grow up to be gang members & criminals. In this country, we put them in a room far away from us, listen with electronic devices, give them cold hard plastic bottles to drink from and walk away, rather than the warm human flesh and close contact, and give them the "blue babysitter" (TV) instead of human companionship.
Let your friend decide what she wants for the child in life, after all, this baby won't still be sleeping next to mom when she's 12, or even 5, most likely. What's her priority?

Answer 5

I'm not a big advocate of cosleeping, but never underestimate the MOM's wanting to sleep with her baby. I don't know if it is as much baby manipulating mom as it is mom and baby liking the closeness. Instead of telling her it's a terrible idea(I don't think anyone would be receptive to hearing they're doing it wrong), tell her that the longer she waits to break the habit, the harder it will be. She needs to think long term and really decide if she's okay with a 2, 3 even 4 year old jumping in her(and hubby, or boyfriends)bed everynight. The older they are, the more determined they'll be to keep it as is. I agree with you in that she needs to get use to her own bed...it's part of teaching independence and self-soothing(which she'll need later in life!). good luck!

Answer 6

Why does a baby have to sleep in a crib?
I feel for your niece- our son had severe colic and I started to sleep with him because I wanted him to feel loved, nurtured, and comfort when he was sleeping. It worked. He is 10 now, has been sleeping in his own bed since he was 2.5 years and did it really easily. I had been told he'd never go to his own bed. I had been told he was manipulating me- no he wasn't.

Likewise, later on, we learned our son has autism. Co-sleeping was good for him because he got touch time and autistic children need that. He is thriving today. His doctors credit it to attachment parenting.

With our baby, we never even set up the crib. She has been sleeping with us since birth and we are happy to have her there.

It was a mutual decision between my husband and I and there is nothing better than to wake up next to a happy baby. We have been married for 14 years and this was one of the best decisions.

Our children are both very independant, loving, caring, and they are good kids. Both are easy to discipline as they don't want to let us down.

Our 1 year old says, "night-night" and as soon as we lay her down in our bed, it's bedtime and she knows it. We have a firm bedtime routine as well.

Cribs are a very Western idea. In Eastern countries, it is common to sleep with your baby. The children do very well there too.

Do some research- www.askdrsears.com.

As an aside- not all babies are the same. Our son needed to be on my lap at all times. Our daughter who is 1 does not. She is much more independant. From the sounds of your Great-niece, she needs a bit extra and this will pay off in the long run.

Answer 7

It's completely up to the mom, for me my son would cry and I would often hold him til he went to sleep but after a while I would just lay him back down gently in his crib and let him go back to sleep. Everynow and then I still have to do this but not as often. Sometimes he just wakes up and wants him mommy and i understand this after all he's still young. A seven month old baby doesn't really have the understanding to manipulate and the parents need to provide that support that I am here when you need me, rather than upset the child which for me would result in more sleepless nights. If I were to just lay my son down in his crib and expect him to fall asleep on his own, he would scream and cry, then wake up in the middle of the night. And sometimes I can't get him to unwind back down again so I have to lay down with him in the early morning and basically sleep beside him. So it's just up to her for me it was a good idea.

Answer 8

No, a seven month old does not have the intellectual capacity for manipulation. Please read my answer to this question: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmwVRZtH5G1BQhWS0sdqHq_ty6IX?qid=20070730024112AAREd7L&show=7#profile-info-fbY8IKPGaa

and invest in Dr. Sears' books for your niece. The clinginess is suggestive of a "high needs" baby - and she'll outgrow it soon. Seperating her from her mom without a really good reason will actually prolong the problem because it increases the baby's anxiety unnecessarily. Mommy is following her instincts - which many in this society have forgotten how to do. In many places, co-sleeping is the norm and putting the baby outside of the family bed is a peculiarity.

Edit to add: having a baby cry it out is counterproductive. It increases their anxiety which increases their cortisol levels which causes them to awaken more frequently in the night.

Answer 9

I think you should mind your own business. If your niece wants to practice attachment parenting, that's really her decision, NOT yours.

Babies need their parents. There have been studies that suggest babies who are held a lot and given TONS of attention actually turn out MORE independant in the long run because their needs have always been satisfied.

Babies need their mothers - take a look at any mammal and realize how natural this it. You also need to remember that your niece's son is right about the age when seperation anxiety really starts to kick in. Of course he is going to cry when Mommy is not in sight, or begins to walk away. Of course he isn't going to be super excited by someone other than Mommy holding him, or she places him in his crib and walks away - he's a little guy and it's a big, scary world! HE WILL OUTGROW THIS!

My child, who is now 9 months old, was a fussy newborn too. They ONLY way I could get a wink was if he slept on my chest. I would prop myself up in a big chair and he would sleep. Sometimes husbands can't help at night, so you do what you have to to manage. At 4 months my son started sleeping in his crib, but he still cosleeps with us about 50% of the time - the other nights he sleeps just fine on his own - usually because we WANT him there. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps your niece WANTS to cuddle her son?

They are only little and cuddly for a short season. Mind your own business lady and let your niece parent her child.

Answer 10

it is generally a very bad habit to break. My son was the same BUT i was totally exhausted and didnt even care at that point about the reprocussions. since my son was born, he needed to be held constantly and would wake up as soon as I laid him down in the crib. I gave up. Now he is three and he sleeps in his own bed most of the night. Still comes in real early in the morning but it doesnt bother me. I assume he will grow out of it.