i have been divorced of 11 yrs i get my daughter every other weekend and holidays, every year we go back to court because of lies the 13 yr will say about me and my new family.she has stole from me, lies to me, we go to family counsling (court appointed) and i am always made out to be the wrong one.. anymore when she comes over we cant wait untill its time for her to go home. she has to younger sisters that now wonder why she has to come over, when all she does is complan that shes there. i wonder if its time for me to just give up?
2007-08-08 01:44:27 · 16 answers · asked by mrs_jp2000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, don't give up! Your problem here is that you are so busy acting the victim that you have abdicated your role as a parent. Instead of giving up, you should do the opposite: become more involved. What this girl needs, in the worst way, is discipline. Lying, stealing, and constant complaining are not behaviors that will serve her well in her adult life, so as her parent, the adult, it is up to you to put a stop to them now. Come up with a loving disciplinary plan and then institute it assertively and consistently.
2007-08-08 01:55:35 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your attorney. Your child support should have ended for the 20 year old when that child graduated high school. The child support for the 18 year old should end when that child graduates from high school. If you are having the child support paid through a payroll deduction, your payroll department does not automatically cease when your child turns 18 (or graduates) because those crystal balls of knowing everyone's specific situation do not work. So the original court order stays in effect until a release or modification order is received. EDIT: contact your attorney and also the payroll department. Especially if the original paperwork shows the childrens' ages, they may be able to stop the child support deduction based on that info. As for the arrears, they will probably need something to show that the arrears is paid in full. In addition, go to the child support agency and talk to someone there to see what the hold up is on their part from issuing a release...especially if the payments are going directly from the employer to the state disbursement agency and then to the ex.
2016-05-17 04:52:17 · answer #2 · answered by allen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not ever ever ever give up on your children.....she needs you more than ever right now. Don't you remember how it was when you were 13? How confursing things were? I have an 11 year old who is starting to "hate" me too, it's completely normal....I respect her though and teach her that it's the right thing to do. Eventually, this time will pass and the respect you showed them will go a very long way. You need to treat her the same as her other half brothers and sisters. I have a feeling because of how you are talking about her that you don't treat them the same and the 13 year old feels this and feels left out and hurt. What else would a child do other than act out when they feel abandoned? You can't wait until your own child goes home and gets out of your life? Come on, You really can't see who the problem is here and what you are doing to her?
2007-08-08 01:58:32 · answer #3 · answered by Cantor2002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your child is behaving like this because of something that she is learning elsewhere. Personally after experiencing what you have printed, I would sit the little lady down and explain that you are at the end of your rope and that although she does as she pleases at home, you have your own set of rules at your house that are to be followed. I would also tell her that because of her actions, you do not HAVE to let her visit and will limit them if she does not stop her present ways. I know that it would be hard to do, but I would see myself cutting her visitations in half and if that didn't help then stop them altogether until such time as the little girl was able to control herself. What ever you do, Document everything that has and does happen with this young lady for future possible use in therapy and/or court proceedings. I wish you luck with your situation.
2007-08-08 02:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you that she is just 13 and it's a phase. She seems like a handful.
Instead of court appointed family counseling talk to your doctor, maybe he/she can suggest something like personal counseling for her from a professional that's not court appointed. I know she is young but maybe she needs some medication.
Does her father know/see what's going on, or do you think that he has a part in this situation?
Please don't give up!
2007-08-08 01:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it will be maybe it's time to let go you do not need this kind of trouble, and the court costs add up so fast, I think she's at a age she is going to do everything to make you mad and has done a good job of it, you to have rights and rules to follow and need to set an example here, so stand up and do what you need to do. I know this is not easy, and being a parents is the hardest job I've ever done in my life but the most rewarding.
2007-08-08 01:54:01 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you know, I have to wonder why you didn't take custody of your daughter when you divorced her father. I can't imagine my parents divorcing and then me being placed the majority of time with my father and not my mom, and how my mom being okay with that would make me feel. You starting a new family is basically telling her that you really are fine with the situation, and you don't miss her that much. She's probably offended, as I would be. Sounds like you should just stop "trying" with her and let her go on with her life without your pathetic attempts at saving your relationship with her.
2007-08-08 02:00:28 · answer #7 · answered by JAS 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your daughter is only 13 and your her mother. As a mother I would be sure to never give up. Our children will make us happy, proud, sad, and angry. But we are their parents and the ones who are supposed to never give up on them and love them unconditionally. This little girl is your flesh and blood how could you even question this. Many friends and myself have children that rebel against us, but thats when you need to step up and steer them in the right direction. Its not easy parenting is a full time job and will make our hair turn gray. But we brought them into this world how dare you want to give up. So you have to struggle a bit with this one. Maybe she rebels because she feels left out. Remember she is only 13 still a baby. Be there for her no matter what. You will have to push to be there but you need to do that as her mother.
2007-08-08 02:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe instead of forcing her to come, make it her decision. She may stop coming for a while, but make sure you leave the door open so that if she ever changes her mind she knows she is welcome with open arms. Make sure you call her at least a couple times a week to stay in contact too. It's hard to say what her problem is, but I know giving up isn't the answer. Just give her some space and some time. I would keep up the counseling too. Maybe with everything combined she will come around sooner, rather than later.
2007-08-08 01:57:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Please don't give up on her! She needs some disciplined. Let her know that stealing and lying will not be tolerated. I would get together with the other parent and discuss what is going on and work on getting her together. Yes, 13 is a tough age, yes, they do become a handful but somethings should not be tolerated. good luck to you.
2007-08-08 02:08:35 · answer #10 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋