Is anything worth Screwing my marriage?

Question

My Husbands brother and his wife leave their 2 girls (6 & * years old) with my mother in law at our house, they've been with us all day (picked up at night) since a week before their holidays began, and still keep coming. It'd be different if their mum atleast mentioned to me shes dropping them off. But its making me resent her, makes me get irritatted by the kids, and also creating alot of arguement between hubby and i. after 8 years of long distance relationship, my dad finaly agreed me to marry this man, and after 6 motnhs of marriage, this problem of the girls coming over 24/7 is really putting weight on our marriage. Weight i dont think i can carry.
Am i being petty?

Answer 1

not at all, it is lack of respect on their part- have you brought this up to your husband? I know when I first married my husband, he allowed his parents to take advantage of us, his father asked to borrow his cell phone which I said right then and there "DONT DO IT- he will rack the bill up and that sob will tell you he can't pay it" my husband denied his dad would do such a thing, the bill came that month, it was $896.00!
I slammed the paper in front of my husband when he got home from work and said "he would never do this huh? when will you learn" we almost divorced because he put his parents above me all of the time, and they never did a thing for him in his lifetime, always him doing for them.
Then when my daughter was born, i put my foot down, now we don't speak to his parents much infact we haven't seen or spoken to them in 2 yrs because they never come see their only grandchild who is now age 12.
Bottom line was either he chose his parents or he chose me and our daughter. It shouldn't have to ever come down to that but it did. Two years ago his aunt informed us about a few things about his parents, the way his father treated his uncle, who died of colon cancer etc.. my husband then turned on them all together realizing how they truly are. NO GOOD.

My point is you have a calm, open conversation with your husband, inform him how you are feeling, you are being taken advantage of, this is your home too and should not be expected to be a full time babysitter. He should fend for the two of you- you should come first now.

Answer 2

No you are not being petty. You should not have to have someone else's children all the time. My husband and I have the same problem with his side of the family. What we have found out is that the parents are too young to do it on their own. They got in way over their heads by having kids too young, before they were ready. They are looking for someone else to help take responsibility where they can not. Anyway, do you know what the parents are doing while you are watching the girls? If they are going out partying and drinking then they are safer with you. Try talking to their parents and letting them know how you feel, nicely. If that does not work call social services on them. If the kids are with you all the time, the least they could do is start paying you child support!

Answer 3

No, you are not being petty. It's understandable that you feel the way you do. When you and your husband have your own children you will have kids to care for 24/7 and I'm sure you'll love it. But, these are not your children. It is difficult because the children are left with your mother and law, but it is you who also has to care for them. You need to make it clear that you don't mind the kids being there, but they are under the care of your mother in law (their grandmother) and not you. You need to let your sister in law understand that you don't mind looking after her kids if she has an emergency but that you are not their babysitter at her disposal.

Your marriage is your number one priority. You need to keep your relationship with your husband healthy for the time you may choose to have children of your own. You should not allow your nieces to put pressure on your marriage. Discuss it with your husband and explain to him that he is the one who needs to find some balance. It is his brother's wife who is causing the tension so he needs to discuss the current arrangement with his brother and come to some sort of agreement. Your husband needs to stand up and let his brother know that you are not to be taken for granted.

If you can manage, when your husband is home take the time to leave the house and do something, just the two of you. Go to a movie, have a romantic night at a nice restaurant and reconnect with one another without mentioning your extended family.
Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like it's your house and your mother-in-law (MIL) just lives with you. Therefore, it is a breach in etiquette for your brother-in-law and his wife to leave their kids there without your permission. If my assumptions are correct, then you are well within your rights to discuss the matter with your MIL. Tell her that you enjoy the company of your nieces, but that their visits are too frequent. Then suggest an alternative, such as twice a week or so. Tell her that since she is supposed to be the girls' caretaker that it is her responsibility to address this and set these limits with her son. Give her a chance, then, to follow through, but if she doesn't, go directly to your husband's brother and tell him what the limits are.

When you do this, remember to be positive and say nice things, such as, "I really love my nieces." However, also be firm that there is such a thing as visiting too much and that you need more private time with your new husband. Ask for what you want assertively but politely, and things will probably go very well.

Answer 5

No you are not being petty because these people are inviting themselves over to stay without discussing it with you and its YOUR home. Now others might dispute that your husband is the man of the house, the king of his castle and if his brother spoke to him about it, it should be fine but it is not. You need to speak to your husband about this business and put your foot down. Tell him flat out that he needs to discuss this with you prior to their arrival so necessary arrangements can be made like freshening the guest bedrooms and stocking up the kitchen. (This bit is to make you look good so he won't think that you are being petty).

If your in laws are dropping them off 24/7 tell your husband that you (as a couple) can't afford to be taking care of their kids on a constant basis and they need to take responsibility and hire a babysitter or try her family instead.

Be assertive but kill him with kindness and try to get him to see it thorough your eyes and your wallet!

Answer 6

You have every right to be upset. Just curious though: Why is your mum-in-law at your house? Do you live with her? Why do the kids not get picked up until night? Do the parents work or are they out having a good time? Regardless, those kids are not your responsibility. Talk to your husband about how you feel. How does your husband feel about the situation. Maybe he can talk to his brother about it.

Answer 7

No. You are not being petty. But you're complaining to the wrong people. You need to have this conversation with your husband. You have a right to your privacy and deserve some time for just you and your husband. Demand it... albeit it gently and rationally. If he won't listen to you, then marriage counseling is in order. Make an appointment, tell him how you feel, and ask him to go. If he won't, then go yourself. It will really open your eyes. I guarantee it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think you're being petty at all. If it is putting pressure on your marriage it isn't petty. Speak to the girls Mum and speak to your mother in law. What is the reason for the girls coming to your house? Why can't they go to your mother in law's house? Why is she at your house and not her own?
You can't let yourself get upset by this. Keep calm and level headed and speak to the parents of the girls. Explain rationally that you love them but that you and your husband need time to yourselves without their children in the middle. If all else fails, go out!

Answer 9

no you r not being petty you need to talk to your husband and tell him how u feel you need privacy you r not a day care centre. Also you should talk to his sister and tell her that she should call before she drops her kids off cause you have things to do or you need your privacy and life. I know u want to be nice but these people are taking advantage of you.......please address the situation soon your privacy is your peace of mind dont stay quiet and hop it will go away and if your husband loves you he will understand.........good luck

Answer 10

while you're, you're heading off some issues you're afraid to handle. Too many times, people take the easy way and circulate away a marriage. until you first communicate issues out, and if that would not paintings get a councilor, then you definately have not tried each and every thing.