Note, he's the father of my two children and has a serious child support issue involving garnishing from a previous relationship yet he refuses to get a 2nd job despite our constant struggling. I've been too light on him but I want to live as stress-free as possible but this isn't helping at all and it bums me out sometimes that I'm the one that is providing more than my fair-share. It's just monotonous and I'm venting but would like to hear from others. Thanks...
2007-08-08 00:25:08 · 14 answers · asked by 65sweety 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The always constant financial situation in a couples life is great isn't it?
What you should do, is start your own savings checking account and put a few bucks in it each week. Then when you get upset about this situation go out and splurge a little extra on yourself or your kids when you need to. This little release really helps when you need it!
2007-08-08 00:33:23 · answer #1 · answered by brian c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would it be possible for him to find a better paying job, so that he would not have to find an additional one??
If you two are struggling, both of you need to do everything possible to keep yourselves financially afloat. There are a lot of men (and women) who hold down 2 or even 3 jobs just to be able to make ends meet. It's not the hope and dream of every American, but in the long run, we do what we HAVE to do.
You need to put your foot down and let him know that you are serious about this financial hardship. He is the one that is paying child support for another child and therefore, he is having money taken away that could be going to your household. He should do whatever is necessary to provide for your family. If he doesn't want to or isn't willing, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your situation!??
2007-08-08 00:40:18 · answer #2 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you are a little upset right now but it is clear you love your husband and are simply looking for ways to make life for your family a little easier and more stress free.
Step back for a moment and consider:
Does he support the household in other ways? i.e. help with the children, cooking, washing clothes, supportive of you and your goals etc.? Personally, I would do what I had to in order to make my family financially stable but not all men are like that so . . . because you are the one with the drive . . . would you consider letting him care for the kids and you get a second job? Is he not looking for a second job because he is too tired from the first job? Would he ask for a promotion/increase at work or maybe he could transfer to another position/job with higher pay? Lots of things/options to think about.
In a relationship things (i.e. workload, contribution etc.) are not easily balanced. Instead look at what works best for your family. Look at your strengths and your weaknesses as a couple. Will he pick up the slack at home and are you willing to make the extra money? Maybe that could be an option. Now, if he is unwilling to help you inside the home, care for the kids and is still resistant to going out to earn extra money for your family . . . you have a bigger issue.
Hope this helps. Good luck to you and your family.
2007-08-08 00:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id make him get a second job. he chose to be with you and have children even though he knows he has other finacial obligations. On the other hand you chose him knowing he had other obligations and baggage. You cant do it all on your own so you either leave him and collect child support that way (good luck) or he gets a second job and stays with you and your children. My boyfriend has two children he pays child support for (he is paying a large mortgage worth in child support, he has never been late once or come up short :) I want to have a child with him but i know it would be too much right now so im going to wait until his 15 year old turns 18 and then make that move. Your husband needs to get a better paying job or another job. cuz either way he has three children to support. tell him to grow up. I know it sucks when your relationship is suffering because of his past reltionships but always remember that you chose that, so learn to compromise.
2007-08-08 00:40:04 · answer #4 · answered by e.kess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming that he had these financial issues when you married. What did you thik was going to happen that his other obligations to his first children would suddenly disappear?
So, he should get 2 jobs to support 2 families and make you happy. How about this, look at your budget and cut it to the bare bones, quit bitching about him being responsible and grow up. Or get a second job yourself. Let me tell you, I have two jobs and it is just wonderful being so bone-weary that you can't move.
Marriage takes work and love and communication, not venting, whining and demands.
2007-08-08 00:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"for richer or poorer" was those words in your vows. And really atleast in my eyes once you are married, your debits become his and vice versa and you both do your parts to pay them. I would never ask my husband to geta second job b/c he works so hard at his first and is paying outragoues child support to his first wife and yes we struggle and some times I wonder if we will make the bills but I would much rather have some time to spend with him and not have him gone all the time or when he is home to tired to hold his head up.
2007-08-08 00:45:55 · answer #6 · answered by his wife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you made some very bad decisions regarding your life. Choosing an uneducated partner who didn't earn enough money to begin with. Choosing a partner who had a history of difficulty supporting his first group of children. You need to really stop and consider the reality that YOU'VE created for yourself. You can't expect other human beings to change the universe that you willingly created for yourself. You willing chose a life of poverty. You chose the man you married. Now you're complaining because you have a life of poverty. So, if you want a life of no poverty, you have to change the way you think. This requires action from YOU, not from someone else.
2007-08-08 00:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You did say 'For better for worse, for richer for poorer' does he have the time or energy to do second job? can he not watch the kids and you get an extra job? I presume he is giving you some kind of support.
2007-08-08 00:30:25 · answer #8 · answered by Jackie M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is already paying support and has two kids with you? He sounds irresponsible. Dump him and go for child support.
2007-08-08 00:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by 55 and trying 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you deserve better, go stay with friends and leave him alone for a couple of days, he might not change but then again he might buck his ideas up. also start buying less food or saying no to beers or whatever you can remove as punnishment, sounds like he just wants to roll along no caring
2007-08-08 00:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋