Arms and legs
Like you and me
Brains and braun
And eyes to see
Took a different path
They feel the shame
We look at them
And see the pain
Whether doing life
Or living it
We're all the same
Just the same
2007-08-07 23:04:12 · 6 answers · asked by Philomena M 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
thanks inthedark!
2007-08-08 07:31:10 · update #1
10+ Well done and keep up the good writing.
2007-08-08 07:08:35 · answer #1 · answered by rebelgrl251 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few comments...it's "brawn", not "braun". Your poem is interesting and has potential. I think if you shorten it you might have a more impactful poem...try this:
Arms and legs
Like you and me
Brains and brawn
And eyes to see
Take different paths
But share the shame
Just look at them...
They seem the same
Your original was okay, but the shorter poem with a twist (implied by your original) at the end catches the reader off guard and makes them think...and avoids the duplication of "same" in the last two lines.
cool one...keep writing
2007-08-11 04:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey this ones better and I wont be rude and tell you go else where. You keep on doing your thing.
2007-08-08 12:39:12 · answer #3 · answered by inthedark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man a'live. I can't figure out if we're in prison or what.
And if we are in prison, are we really all the same?
Margot
2007-08-11 23:33:03 · answer #4 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i like it,a star on the way.
2007-08-08 06:08:57 · answer #5 · answered by Spot 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So what.
This is a question and answer site not a bloody poetry group.
Go somewhere else and publish this crap.
2007-08-08 06:14:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋