when is it enough?

Question

ok from the begining. me and my boyfriend have been together for ten years. we were married for five then because of his cheating and mental abuse we got divorced. we were seperated for a year during that time he did not see his children or have communication with his children due to his own life not because i would not let him.At the end of our divorce i met someone we dated for a years and a 1/2.My ex husband then decided he wanted his family back. I broke off that realationship and gave my ex that chance mostly because of our two children. In the 1 1/2 years we have been back together nothing has changed he still drinks alot doesn't come home from the bars the realationship between our oldest and him is not good because of his earlier actions.And to make matters worse the man i was seeing during the split wants me back,only he is married now to.Im lost!can someone please help with out being to judgemental.

Answer 1

Sorry, but we are going to have to be judge mental.
Time to get out of that abusive relationship. He saw you happy and his children happy and couldn't stand it. He had to come back and make your lives miserable. Get rid of him and move on. He is a loser and a abuser. Give him visitation of the children as long as he isn't drinking ....may have to be supervised by someone else other than YOU. Move on with your life.

Answer 2

Are you happy? I will take a wild guess and say 'no'. I don't know many women who dream about being with a man who drinks too much, doesn't come home, and has a strained relationship with their children. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and has the right to pursue their own happiness. You had the strength to leave your husband once before, you will certainly survive leaving him again.

As for the now-married-ex, it's possible that ship has sailed -- and you will be forever haunted by the thought of "what could have been". Unless you are only looking for a good time, I would caution you against getting involved with ANY married man. Cheating hurts alot of people (you know that, since you were cheated on). If he is truly having problems with his current wife, then he needs to deal with that without the added complication of having you in the picture.

I say take a break from both of them and find some time for yourself. Take an art class, learn to repair refridgerators, whatever turns your crank. Things might be clearer if you take a step back and figure out what you really want.

Answer 3

Sounds familiar. My ex cheated on me several times through our marriage with a few men I found out about,there's probably more I didnt find. Then dumped her children for the "new guy". Her words were "they're better off with you".
But then I found the love of my life and all of a sudden the ex wanted to see the children, ultimately taking me for custody but losing, the first time. Now I am married again and expecting a new baby, the ex is back with another custody bid. This time she won two of the children in interim until the final hearing. I have my son with me because he wont go with the ex. its a long story.
My opinion is stay away from cheaters. You will find somone that deserves you. My opinion is ONCE is enough, then the trust is gone so is the relationship.

Answer 4

The fact that you wrote this indicates that you already know what your answer is, don't you? So . . . I will tell what you already know in your heart :

RIGHT NOW is enough ! You didn't learn your lesson the first time, but, please, now, get rid of the husband. It will only continue to worsen. Neither you, nor your children, should have to endure having this selfish, abusive man in your lives. If you do, this time around, it's YOUR fault.

As far as the other man, no matter how much you both may care, back off ! If some day he and his wife go their separate ways, then, and ONLY then, should you resume your love affair. If you see him while he is still married, you will only be doing the exact thing your husband has always done -- sneaking, running around, & continuing this vicious cycle (and then YOU'LL be the other woman).

Dragging this out (via further communications to him) will only turn this situation into a real tragedy. You'll be playing with fire, have total chaos in your life, and you WILL get burned.

It's time for SOMEONE in this drama to get a grip and think about their marriage vows. Let it be him. It's time to hitch up your big girl panties and deal with it (and I think you DO know this already). And please go to a counsellor yourself to help you get through all of this.

Best of luck, and our prayers go out to you.
.

Answer 5

Be smart and leave your husband for good this time. If he is verbally abusive when drunk, and runs the streets at night, he is not being a good father to your children, or husband to you.

Do not get involved with the married guy, however. Just remember how you would feel if your were his wife. Also, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you! That is just a fact of life. You have enough problems, don't create more by seeing this guy.

Answer 6

I'd cut him loose I've been there it don't get better only worse,and as for the married man if he will leave his wife for you what will he do with you if someone else comes along can you trust someone like that

Answer 7

Kick your husband to the curb and don't go back to the other one either.

You are becoming a pawn in their stupid games and it has already impacted on your life and that of your children.

Answer 8

Wow. The messes we create. I suggest having your husband and you seek professional marriage counseling. It sounds like he might also need to examine what prompts him to drink so much.

Answer 9

raise your standards. you are even considering being with
1/ an ex who doesn't give a toss about anyone but himself or
2/ a married man ??????????????

Answer 10

you need pro help, but if you sill have power to get out while you can