What are your thoughts on young mothers?

Question

How young is too young IYO? I ask because I'm 21 and have a 6 month old I've been extremely lucky in being able to stay home and my landlord has been extremely good to us, my husband works for her husband. My husband is 32 and is a good provider I still feel like people judge me because of those two things my age and my husbands age. I feel so blessed and love being a mom honestly it was sooner than I tought but I felt ready and was extremely lucky that I got pregnant on our first try. My son has changed my life around and I never could have imagined loving someone so much. How do you feel? How old were you when you had your first child and did you plan or did it just happen? What are your thoughts on being a mother?

I must say that teh reason I'm asking is because my niece's mom told me that she was 16 when she had her first and told me something like "21 is way too young I regret having my kid as young as I did" and went on to say that my husband is way too old... etc. It bothered me and it honestly hurt me to hear her say that she regrets her child. She's 35 now and already a grandma so the cycle is repeating itself......

I just didn't feel like typing all of he friend and hubby stuff in. I love my husband and although we both have tempers and normal fights like everyone else we kiss and make up and forget anything happened. We understand each other and support each other in those tough times.

Answer 1

Im 22 years old and I am about to be a 1st time mommy in about 2weeks!! My husband is28, and as I read your question It doesnt really matter what others think, people are always going to talk talk regardless of the situation wheter its good or bad, so dont worry if you are happy with your husband and both of you love each other, keep it that way dont let others put you down dont listen to what others have to say about you. My husband and I planned this baby, we were so eager to become parents and shes almost here!! My thoughts as a young mommy is that as long as you are married and have a husband that is providing all the needs for mom and baby then everything is fine. Its when the girl is between 13-18 years old and doesnt have the fathers child involved then that is pretty disturbing because that is way2young2be pregnant. But just be happy!! Dont listen to others!!

Answer 2

Well first of all, congrats on your baby boy! 21 is a pretty reasonable age to have a child, if the couple is ready! I was 18 when I got pregnant the first time and was not in a good relationship...I actually lost the baby at 37 weeks due to an "umbilical cord accident"...I was 22 when I had my second child (21 when I got pregnant), my husband is in the USAF and we did just fine (I was 19 when we got married)...I was 24 with the third baby and 25 with the fourth (so now we have 3 children if that makes sense...lol), we are now expecting again (unexpectedly...this one was a surprise) and I'm 28...I think as long as the people are mature enough to realize that having sex can result in the creation of a child and they are ready and willing to take responsibility for that child, they are old enough...now if asked how old I'd want my daughter to be...my answer would be she better be married to a good guy and happy in that relationship!!! Sounds to me like you're doing a great job, so don't worry about what people think of you!!! The upside to being young when you start a family is that you'll be young when the kids are adults so you'll be around for more! Best of luck!

Answer 3

I think it's different for everyone. We all mature at different rates based on life experiences. Personally, if you can't take care of yourself financially and emotionally, then I think you are too young. If you have a job/career, you're own place to live, managing your finances, and a solid relationship then I think it's fine. Some people have all those things and still find out they weren't ready once the baby gets here. It's hard to know if you are ready for something that you've never experienced. I worked in public health and I feel like teenagers are definitely not ready....not because they are all bad mothers, but they miss out on so much and they're usually lacking life experience, the self-lessness, and the money to care for a baby. I was 28 when I had my first baby and thought I had it all figured out. I was a nurse and had been out of school for 4 years, married for 6 years so we could build a solid foundation and enjoy being together before having kids, and had built a house. We planned the pregnancy, even went through minor infertility treatment to conceive. However, as much as we both loved that little boy (impossible to put into words but I know you understand), we weren't prepared for how it changed us as a couple. We were so used to it being just us that it was a difficult transition. Less time together, less intimacy, less sponteneity, less communication, less attention to each other. Don't get me wrong, we definitely loved and appreciated all the blessings our son gave us and I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm just saying that I wasn't truly prepared for how it would change us for the good and bad.

Answer 4

I truly believe it depends on the level of maturity of the person and their husband. As long as you are married and no one else (including the state) has to support the child, I say go for it. I was very young (2 months before turning 18) when I had my 1st child. It was very difficult but being a mother changed my life for the better. It was not planned but the 2 after him were. I was 22, with 3 kids and everyone thought I was crazy. My husband worked very hard so I could stay home with the kids and finish school. We are only 18 months apart and everyone thought we wouldn't make it. Now we are 27 and 28, both have college educations, great jobs, own our own home and cars, as well as our own businesses. We just had a wedding (we elpoed the first time) in April to celebrate our marriage and accomplishments over the past 9 years.

Answer 5

21 is not too young if you are ready to be a mom. I have a problem with the ones that sit around and collect Welfare and do the bare minimum requirements so they can continue to collect. I know a young girl (She was 17 when she had her first baby and 18 when she had her 2nd) that totally ignores her kids to the point that they are both delayed because they are plopped in front of the TV all day with no interaction from her or their dads. The oldest one is 9 months older than my son and he was born almost 3 months early and will be 3 this week and can read his own name, count to 22, recognizes almost all the letters of the alphabet, all his colors, and shapes. She doesn't know even half of what she should. I also know other young moms that have VERY bright children because they care more about their kids than just collecting a check. My mom was 18 and my dad 23 when they got married and she got pregnant with my brother 3 months later, so she was 19 when he was born, and I am the youngest of 4. Age has nothing to do with it, but more to do with maturity level. More power to you if you can handle being a mom, even some older moms can't handle it.

Answer 6

Age is just a number. It's the maturity level that counts. I'll be 21 next month and will have my first baby early next year. But, where I live (Utah), it's honestly the norm around here. Getting married and pregnant between 18 and 22 is more common than not. I'm just glad I got the opportunity to get married before I got pregnant (which was a planned pregnancy).

I couldn't be happier! Knowing that even when my kid is graduating from high school, I won't even be 40 yet. Do you know how awesome that will be? My parents are 42 and going to be first time grandparents when this baby is born. And my grandparents are ready to welcome their first great-grandchild at 60 years old. I LOVED having young grandparents when I was growing up... They could run around the yard and play with me when I went to visit, rather than just sitting in a rocking chair all day. (I know, a little exaggerated, haha) And I wouldn't have it any other way for MY kids. They need to have a close relationship with their grandparents just like I did with mine.

Answer 7

I think it is less to do with the parents age and more to do with their maturity level. My brother and his partner of 8 years had a child at 19-20 and she is as loved, supported and cared for as any other baby regardless of her parents age. Although I think it must add stress for them to always be receiving dirty looks for being young parents when they are in public because I know whenever I babysit my niece in public (I an only 18) people always give me dirty looks and even comment that I am to young to have a child....
You clearly love your child and it is well cared for and in a good situation with an extensive support system so I do not believe your age is a factor. Good luck to you.
PS I think having a baby under the age of 18 is too young because having a child limits many options a mother had (e.g education) but thats a whole other rant so I wont get into it

Answer 8

I think it really depends on one's situation. I think that being a mother in their teens is definately too young, they don't have enough life-experience and the money situation is probably difficult.

I don't know your history, your experiences, how many baby books you've read. I don't know if you have a good network of friends who also have children, because I think a network is so very necessary to help out and help you maintain perspective and be supportive of *you*. I don't know what career path you're choosing or if you're stay-at-home (I think both choices are valid so long as you're not kidding yourself about the pitfalls).

I think it's very important to go into motherhood with eyes open. I think it's very important to know that raising a child is *hard*. I think it's very very important that you have good friends and a very good relationship with your husband, because without that adult support group it's very easy to make a world of only you and the child. And that is *dangerous*, because that means emotionally depending on your child...your son shouldn't be the ONLY source of your happiness, that could cause major troubles down the road involving years of therapy.

I worry about this because you don't mention friends in your question. You don't mention people who are supportive of your decisions. You don't mention a loving relationship with your husband. What you mention is having a child at an age where most people are still thinking of their career/college, so I don't know if you have a caring and concerned network of people in place.

But you could just not have wanted to type all that out, and if that's the case then I apologize. I just wanted to give you a note of caution.

Answer 9

I was 17 when i had my daughter, she wasn't planned but when she was born she changed my life for the better. I was in college when i found out and still went after i had her and have gained a diploma in nursing. I am still with her father (been together over 5 years) we have our own house, good jobs etc. I'm now 21 and have 7 weeks left till our son is born and my life couldn't be any happier. I love being a mum and watching my children grow, listening to them laugh etc. I'm thankful everyday that I'm able to have children and just wish that teenagers who do get pregnant after one night stands etc realize that a baby is for life not just a fashion icon. Good luck with everything and the age doesn't matter as long as you both love each other.

Answer 10

i also am 21... i have a 15 month old son and a 2 month old son..the first being planned and the second was a suprise that i welcomed whole heartedly.... their father was 26 years old but he passed away... honestly i wouldn't do anything differently.. my kids are a gift from God and i love being a mother it's the best thing that could ever happen to me.. and people shouldn't judge you... and you shouldn't worry what ppl think of you. as long as you are happy that's all that matters... and you are definately not too young to be a mother.. good luck and best wishes...