My husband lost his job awhile back and now he leaves it to me to pay all the bills. This has been going on for over 6 months now. He always says it's temporary and he'll pay me back but I'm sick of hearing excuses! He's been working off and on, but when he does get a paycheck the money quickly disappears- there are always priorities that come before me like paying back his friends, buying beers, repairing his truck or eating out. I have this growing anger that he's using me and doesn't care. So, I canceled his cell phone, the satellite TV, HBO, and I'm tempted to cancel his car insurance. Also I've been paying a lawyer $500 every 3 months for a DUI that he got, and I told him I wasn't going to pay the guy anymore. He says I married him for better or for worse and I should support him in bad times. Yes I have the money, but I work too and that's my hard-earned money! What do you think, am I right to cut him off from the 'gravy train'??
2007-08-07 18:54:11 · 9 answers · asked by kallista 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is working off and on, little odd jobs, that he sometimes gets paid on sometimes not. I know he wants to have a steady full-time job but he hasn't landed one yet. But is it too much to expect him to go without these luxuries since we are just barely getting by?
2007-08-07 19:07:25 · update #1
ok, we have "his and hers" accounts because if we didn't, he would spend ALL of the money and no bills would get paid. So, I insisted on opening my own account where I deposit my checks. He is irresponsible with money, which we both acknowledge, so we came up with the system of me paying the bills and all the shared household expenses (food, diapers, formula) and him reimbursing me. Because when he had everything jointly, there was never any money in any of the accounts because he spent all of it (on himself), mine and his!
2007-08-07 19:12:45 · update #2
Apparently, he is staying with you for religious reasons: he thinks you can work miracles.
You should be managing the finances but he should be living on an allowance. That's what you have to do when you are the sole wage earner. It would probably be the same but reversed if he was the sole wage earner.
It has nothing to do with 'better or worse'; it has to do with realistically living on a limited income.
There isn't any 'better' if he can't hold a job. That is something he has to fix. The 'worse' is for things you can't control, not the things you can.
Tell him there is no more working 'off and on', only 'on' and if he doesn't like it, he can lead that lifestyle alone. Consult a lawyer first to protect yourself because he will most likely scrape together money from somewhere and sue you for alimony!
2007-08-07 19:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure I live in the same world as you do. When I got married, it became our money and our bills. I've worked when my husband didn't have a job and he's worked when I didn't have one. Neither one of us even thought about getting "paid back" by the other one. We are a family, even if it is just the two of us and and that is what family does.
On the other hand....before we got married, my guy had this problem keeping a job (he worked as a logger and worked for some fly by night companies who didn't think they had to pay their employees all the time)....after it had gone on for about a year I let him know that what I wanted was someone who I could count on, that was taking this seriously, and could come home with a paycheck on a regular basis....After that - he got steady job and had a paycheck every other week. It wasn't really a problem after that.
2007-08-07 19:11:08 · answer #2 · answered by rainy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are right and wrong at the same time! Yes you have the right to gripe about him drinking with a DUI...that shouldn't happen no matter what! And to go out to eat when the money can be spent elsewhere, that's unreasonable. However, you DID marry him for better or for worse...that means even if he loses a job!!! And reality check...it's not just YOUR money anymore!! It's both of yours...same thing would apply if you were a housewife!!! I don't completely agree he should pay you back bc it's both of your money, however, he doesn't have the right to blow it on whatever!!! there should be limits and budgets put in place. I would explain to him that your not going to pay for un-necessary expenses like HBO and cell phones if he's just going to piss his paychecks away when he's lucky to get one!!! Sit down and talk to him, don't be a dictator...how would you feel if the role was reversed?!
2007-08-07 19:05:57 · answer #3 · answered by mrsprincess07 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why should he work when you are solving all of his problems for him. It's one thing to pay living expenses, but to pay his bill for his DUI? No way! Tell him you are not paying that anymore, and he will have to get a job, or suffer the consequences.
Standing behind him through bad times is one thing, but that doesn't mean you working so he can goof off and have a good time. He sounds very immature to me, and needs to wake up and accept his responsibilities.
And I think he should pay you back for the money you have paid the lawyer for that DUI. That was entirely his fault, and he will never learn a lesson from that, unless he is made to pay for it.
2007-08-07 20:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with him at a time when things are quiet, with no distractions and be honest an upfront about your concerns. You do not have to insist that he make a decision yet, but just try to get his input on why he still feels obligated to support his ex-wife. Do the terms of the divorce require him to support her? If so, that is between the two of them, and you must simply live with that reality. On the other hand, if he is not required to pay her, perhaps he is feeling guilt issues that he needs to work through. Maybe she is holding some other card against him that you are not aware of. Keep the conversation open and nonjudgmental. Maybe there is a very good reason, maybe not so good. Be supportive and be clear that you are confused.
2016-04-01 05:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute, if your married why should he pay you back. I'm mean isn't your money his and his money yours? (even though I know he ain't got any money) Now, I'm going to contradict myself. The beers, DUI, and paying a lawyer...sounds like you married a loser. I'm sorry to be rude but you should spend that 500 to a lawyer for a divorce instead of DUI court.
2007-08-07 19:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
if you really do take your wedding vows seriously then you do have to support his sorry butt, but i love the fact that you are cutting off his playthings while he isn't working to improve the home-front. lol
if he isn't going to find work then tell him to start taking care of the house like childcare, cleaning, and doing what men often refer to as "woman's work". if he is the typical man he will get scared that his "buddies" will make fun of him and call him all sorts of cute names. that should do the trick. he may not find it so fun that he what they call house-husbands now.
cut off all the fun things and he will do better i am sure, but don't turn into the wife from h-e-double hockey sticks, or he may find another woman to mooch off of.
2007-08-07 19:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by chicapu 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are so right in your decision in making it easier on yourself. even if it means taking his luxuries away. YOU GO GIRL. he needs to step up to the plate and be a man, and you need to stop enabling him in doing that. you are his wife not his mother. dont cancel the car insurance give him a date so that he can handle that himself. stop paying everything for him. you are making it way way way to easy for him. he may love you but he really loves what you do from him..you are wising up continue on girl...GodBless
2007-08-07 19:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make him get a job.
2007-08-07 18:58:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u should dump him
2007-08-07 19:31:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋