anyone been in this situation?

Question

been married 7 years to a wonderful woman, not to long ago met a girl @ work and can't stop thinking about her. I DO NOT plan on cheating because I don't want to loose my wife. Why can't I stop thinking about this girl?

Answer 1

The ONLY reason is because:
You can't have her.
You know she's off limits, which is what makes it even more desirable.
We always want what we can't have.
Then once you can have her, you won't want her you will want your wife back.
Trust me on this one ;)

Answer 2

I am in a similar situation right now, only I am a girl who likes a married man.

Honestly, as much as we may like the other person, we definitely should not let these feelings progress. All signs point to heartbreak no matter what decision we choose. Either your marriage will be in shambles, or you will leave another woman crushed or scorned.

It is much harder to say this than to actually do it, but put everything you have into your wife and marriage. Talk to this girl at work about how wonderful your wife is. That way, although you may be willing to cheat, she may not be after hearing about your wonderful life.

Attraction happens, and I know that first hand. I choose not to be with a married man, and it is hard when you are falling for one, but it is much easier to stop before it begins.

Good luck. It is okay to be attracted to the other person, and with time the initial lust will hopefully fade

Lastly, do you have any more info? Is this girl in a relationship as well? Is this your career(you don't want to jeopardize that) and what is it that you like about this girl so much....have you actually talked to her?

Answer 3

Touchy subject with me, but I had the same thing happen about two years ago.

It's mostly because even though you love your wife and she loves you, and you're probably happy in your marriage, it has lost the early relationship spark, and living with someone day after day for years gets boring. Not to mention, after all that time, you probably take each other for granted, so there's not a lot of affirmation between the two of you.

Enter Work Girl.

She represents the intrigue that is gone from your marriage. The fantasy has a lot more to do with the newness or mystery of this girl than it does an unhappiness and discontent in your marriage.

Keep reminding yourself how much you love your wife, pushing thoughts of Work Girl out. It's an infatuation is all, and it'll pass. It'll pass more quickly if you make a conscious effort to push her from your mind.

Meanwhile, make a point to try to get the spark back in your marriage by mixing things up a little. If it's the intrigue thing, role play is a fun option for couples. You're with your spouse, but it gives the illusion that it's someone unfamiliar.

Above all, don't dwell on it even in a worrying kind of way. It's totally normal to have crushes, almost everyone does. Nothing is "wrong" with it unless it diminishes your love for your wife or you put it over your marriage.

I'd suggest you read "His Needs, Her Needs". It explains some of the most common reasons for why some people cheat, and what you can do to fulfill their needs so they don't go to someone else to meet them.

Answer 4

Ever hear of "Seven Year Itch"? It's not just a movie starring Marilyn Monroe. :)

After you've been married for a while and the "newness" of the relationship wears off, it's not uncommon to start looking elsewhere for that thrill you first got with your wife. New relationships are exciting because real life has not yet had an opportunity to get in the way.

Don't think too much about this new girl, or you'll end up hurting her wife and crushing her self-esteem and her confidence, trust and loyalty to you.

Best to try to bring some of the newness back to your current relationship. Now, more than ever, you need to work on sweeping your wife off of her feet and put all that thought into her. She'll make it worth your while. I promise!

Answer 5

Because the grass is always greener on the other side.
Everyone shows their best side for the first yr - flirting, dressing up, behaviour ect. You're thinking about her because she's the unattainable, the taboo. You haven't found out that she may have a jealous side or that she bites her toenails lol.

Thinking about this woman the way you do is being disrespectful to your wife and what you have built together.
Instead of wasting your energy on this other woman go out and buy your wife some flowers. Take her out for a night of
dinner and dancing, look into her eyes and see what you have right in front of you. Your wife should be your fantasy

Answer 6

Hey it happens. I have been married for more than 36 yrs. Every so often I meet a woman who I quickly develop a strong burning crush over. What I have learned in the past is that crushes pass, but wives are forever if you just continue to admire your crush from a distance & remember who you are supposed to go home to.
I've learned not to feel guilty about having any of these crushes I have had, because I never did anything about them that I should feel guilty about, so now I just enjoy it for what it is, & let it run it's course.
I predict that if you do the same, one day you will discover that the thoughts of this girl are becoming less & less frequent, & that what you had was a plain old fashioned crush. Nothing to ruin a marriage over.

Answer 7

This is exactly how cheating starts. Please try to stay away from her because the feeling will only get stronger and you will end up doing something you regret. It happens gradually and before you know it you've really messed up.
Spend extra time with your wife. Keep thinking about the things you love about her. Often when in your situation, people start to find faults in their spouse that really wouldn't have caused a problem before, but with the thoughts about the other person, these things look bigger.
Please stop yourself before its too late.
I've been cheated on and believe me when I say, it hurts more than you can imagine. My husbands affair began exactly how you describe your situation.

Answer 8

mommabear sums it all up, just because you are married does not mean you are dead from the neck down, you will always see other people that you find attractive, but it is what you do about it that counts. Try to avoid seeing this girl at work, don't engage in conversations with her about anything other than work issues, lust always passes, what you have with your wife is worth working for and keeping.

Answer 9

Been there, felt that...many times. I have never ACTED on those feelings, however. And, boy, sometimes they were very, very strong feelings.

Some sociologists have come to the conclusion that men are biologically promiscuous because they are programmed to disseminate themselves as broadly as possible to keep the race going. Now, however, there is no need for that because we are almost too numerous. But, we still have that programming.

I don't know if I buy that or not, but I can completely relate with your situation. All I have to say is DON'T DO IT. "Mommabear" is righ on. Listen to momma!

Answer 10

Sweet Pea because you have already planted the thought in your head. See you said I don't plan on cheating but what is this question all about then. Remove the thought of her and plant the thought of your wife and then you won't act out these feelings that you have for this other women which lye's in your mind and heart. Good luck!

Answer 11

Join the club it happens all the time so get over it. Maybe find out from the one you can't have how to start getting more involved with the one you have. Get some ideas and start impressing your wife it will be fun and you will start realizing how great she is just like you did when you just had to have her when you first met.