I am married through an arranged marriage out of india, but I want to marry my true love in america.?

Question

I left India with my family about 10 years ago. I left behind an arranged marriage. When I came to America I met my true love and now want to marry him. My parents are angry, they want me to move back to India and start a family with this man that I don't love.Should I marry my true love or should I go back to India?

Answer 1

its YOUR life not YOUR parents and you already have left your so calle dhusband in India so leave him there move on to what YOU want...if your parents want him that badly tell them to go marry him and start a family with him....Im sorry you had to have an arranged marriage....thats just not right but sadly I do understand iuts custom in alot of countries but sweety to hell woth that...go and marry yuor true love...remember it is YOUR life!

Answer 2

Arranged marriages seem to be the topic for the night.

Here's my perspective. Love is an intangible thing and yet we base a lot of things around it. Love is fleeting and can come one day and disappear the next.

Your family is looking at it in this way. They know the parents of the boy you are supposed to marry. He will be of stable position and provide for you. Your family would have interviewed his family.

In Western culture, we don't interview each other's family. We don't know half the history of the people we love or marry or fall in love with.

A good person is hard to come by.

With arranged marriages, you have entire life to discover and learn about loving your arranged partner's life.

That being said, tradition also has arranged marriages to ensure the "bloodline", genetics, play a role. After all, you wouldn't want to marry someone from a lower caste now would you? (wink)

I think the other reason arranged marriages happen in other cultures is because it does provide for some relief that women and men will get married. You don't have to go through the hassles of dating because your family has already interviewed the guy.

I do know that they would have asked you if you liked the boy in India and at some point you would have said yes for them to even have considered them.

So for your family, it is twofold - you are going back on your word and you do not respect their decision, tradition and wisdom regarding this matter.

This is why they are mad.

In the end, you need to decide if marrying a guy you love is worth having an estranged family over. It will bring unbearable grief to your partner that you want to marry when your family doesn't give him the time of day or is cold toward him.

If you have kids with him, that could go either way - parents ease up toward him or they sever the ties all together because he is not East Indian.

Answer 3

I completely respect the Indian culture and I know that arranged marriages can be very happy and work well. Obviously it's important to your parents and you don't want them to be hurt or angry.

But. They did bring you to America - 10 years ago. So you've lived a big chunk of your life as an American, even though you probably haven't ever totally abandoned your Indian culture and heritage. I'm sure you wear different clothes in America than you might have in India, you go to different schools and speak predominantly English. And you've dated in America and met a wonderful guy. It's part of moving countries and it's your right to have a life in America, one which your parents started for you.

I know how difficult it is, but please don't throw away your true love. You parents won't be around forever, but you will be left with the legacy of a marriage you don't want when they die. Be true to yourself, it's wonderful you've met your soul mate.

Answer 4

It is your duty to your family to uphold the traditions of your culture. Your parents know what is best for you. They have chosen a proper husband for you from a good family heritage and proper social standing. He will treat you well and provide well for you and your children. Your parents would not have selected him otherwise.

Do not bring shame on your family by leaving your husband waiting for you in India. Your parents will be forever angry with you and disown you for it. You will be unhappy and estranged from your family forever if you do. Your children will grow up never knowing their grandparents.

Instead do your duty and return to your husband in India. Forget about the man you call your "true love" in America. It will hurt at first but you will get over it. A marriage to an American man would never work for you anyway. You would have too many cultural differences driving you apart. Such a marriage would inevitably be doomed to failure.

Eventually you will learn to love your husband in India and become happy with him. Your family, neighbors and fellow villagers will respect you for upholding your duty and tradition. You will live a happy life knowing you did the right thing. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 5

I guess it all depends on what you want. It sounds like you know what your family wants, and you know who you love. But what do *you* want?

The problem with arranged marriages is that there is little thought to compatibility and love. If culture and what your parents think is the most important thing to you, or more important to you than what your heart tells you, then you should return to India.

I believe, however, that things happen for a reason. That said, there are so many people in this world who go an entire lifetime without ever having found real love. They search for it hopelessly wandering throught life always waiting for it find them.

You came to America, the land of dreams, and you found love ... and that is no accident. Finding someone you love and who loves you in return is an amazing gift. Don't walk away from that. Follow your heart. Make your life what you want it to be. Follow your own path and create your own destiny. Embrace love for the rest of us still searching for it ...

Answer 6

I am not Indian, but as a woman and a mother I know one thing: all parents in the world want their children to be happy. Why don't you talk to your parents about your right to be personally fulfilled... to share your life with a person you truly love is a blessing. To waste your life away with a guy you had to leave behind all those years ago ( there must of been a good reason for it, I am sure ) would be a crime. I would also tell them that you won't bring children in this world, unless they are conceived in love. Be strong and brave: after all you are fighting for the most important thing in your life: your own happiness. Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 7

sweetie u sound like ur life is way to controled by other people an u sound real young... much to young to marry any 1 yet... right now u shudent marry either the american guy u call ur true love OR the other guy back in india... ull jus be going from ur parents controling ur hole life to ur husbend controling ur hole life.. instead get away from ur family an strike out on ur own... get a job or go to school an get a career going... learn to be independent... then u can think bout weather to get married an to who...

Answer 8

If you really feel he is the right person and ur true love.. tell your parents you have finaly met your love of your life and will get married and there is nothing that can change your mind..

Answer 9

That is a decision you have to make it is you're life and if you don't get what you want. None of us can help, at least not me I was free to marry who I chose. You're parents are trying to raise you as they were raised. So I cant give you no good advice. You and you're parent will have to work that out. Queen Bee

Answer 10

If you are legally married then you will have to get a divorce or an anullment before you can even consider marrying anybody else period.
Once that little detail is cleared up, I suggest you do what you believe is best for YOU.