How do u mend a seriously broken heart?

Question

Divorcing my highschool sweetheart whom I have been with for twelve years. We have two kids. He cheated and left us in the beggining of last year. I am devastated. I tried dating but it is hard being a single mom and having time to date. Counseling did not work. I am still so incredibly sad. I hate him and miss him at the same time. The kids are devstated as well. Any ideas on how to rebuild?

Answer 1

Sweet Pea the best thing you can do for a broken heart is to forgive. When you do this it will set you free from bitterness and hate. Love is something that can not be turned on and off. You will always love him and that is fine but you have to except the fact he has moved on. I know you are busy with the little ones but find you some excellent hobbies as well. You have to know that there is life after divorce. You have to love you enough to move on, the little ones really need you at this point so you have to make sure you take care of you. I know it is not easy my dear but you can do it. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I am also suffering from a broken heart and have my good days and bad. I am really tired of being sad though so I have decided to talk to a doctor about anti depressants. They really do help even if you don't plan to take them forever, just to get you through a difficult time. Some people think they are a crutch but I know from personal experience this is not true. Also, do you have a network of friends and family you can rely on? One thing I have found from my situation is that I feel very lonely and isolated but when I reach out to people I feel better. Keeping busy helps but it only masks what is going on. I am sorry counseling hasn't helped but it can take more than one try to find a counselor you can really relate too and it would probably help the kids too. I feel so badly for you I had to answer your email. If it counts for anything, I really hope that you are able to start feeling better soon. I also wish the best for your kids. As many of my friends have told me, time does help but it just takes a long long time.

Answer 4

Sorry this has happened to you. I would suggest you face this as a family. Find a good church and join it, one that has a full time minister. It will take time to heal.

I know a family in my town where the wife was murdered by a wacko, leaving two small kids. The family took some vacations and spent a lot of time together. They slowly healed enough that the man found a new wife who was great to the two kids. While I'm sure the pain never went away, the two small daughters grew up, graduated from high school with high honors, and all of them are the most positive and inspiring people you could ever meet. They credit their faith in God in pulling them through.

Best of luck to you.

Kent in SD

Answer 5

The first thing you should do is to let you kids know that they can talk to you about any questions they might have about the split. That way at least they know they can rely on you and they feel a little less alone. Second it's going to take time for the pain to go away, instead of dating look into doing things for yourself. Things that will make you feel good and look good. If you can try to find things for you and your kids to do as a family. Right now the most important thing for you to do is make sure you and your kids are mentally well. The pain will eventually soften though it will never completely go away, it's something that you will learn to deal with and in time you'll find someone for you. When it's time, you'll know.

Answer 6

It is perfectly normal to be mad and to hate him. We never get over the pain or the grief. This is a loss and is much like when someone dies (except this is a relationship that dies). Not only has he gone but I'm sure that some of your other relationships (mutual friends of both your ex's and yours) are strained at this time.

Take as much time as you need to work through it. Counselling works for some and not for others, I find it depends on their approach. You may cry a six months from now, a year from now, or five years from now without any notice or for what may appear any reason but it's OK. We never "get over" these sufferings.

I know that people feel the urge to get right back out their and date but work on what is going on in the house. It sounds like you might want to talk with your kids about what is going on - without badmouthing their dad and just listen and answer their questions. A lot of times, children really believe it was their fault that mom and dad have divorced. Assure them that this is not the case.

I'm not sure that your ex has any contact with your children but if they are angry they need to express it toward him adn be encouraged to do so but also be supported by you.

As for rebuilding, that will take time. Get to know who you are, what you like and dislike and enjoy the kids and what they bring. Life is too short to hang around misery but I know sometimes we get into a "funk" and can't get ourselves out.

Please take time for yourself as well. Go with a friend to have dinner or just talk. Ensure that YOU have someone that you can talk to and express your grief and anger to. The more we talk about these things, the easier it is to work through them.

Answer 7

It takes too much energy to hate some one! You need to put that energy into learning how to love yourself again.

I know it's hard. I've been there. I am there. I recently divorced the love of my life who cheated on me as well. We have a son together too. It is very hard. I got very depressed. Even tried to take my own life. But I had to be strong for my son. Your children need you. They need your strength, love, and guidance. You need to focus on you! Dating may not be the thing for you right now. If your not happy, you are not ready to make someone else happy.

Try therapy for yourself. Maybe take a class. Pick a night a week to go out with the girls. Or even to just go get a manicure. start taking care of you again. It will work out, it just takes time. Sometimes it takes longer than we want it too. But it will work out.

It's 2 years for me and I still have my bad days. But, nothings perfect. If you need to talk, I'm here! Take care, Good luck!

Answer 8

The only thing I know that heals a broken heart is time...and it will never fully heal. Just take it one day at a time and appreciate and love the heck out of your kids. Focus on them...when you focus outward on others instead of inward on your immense pain, it tends to dull the pain. So sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

Answer 9

The kids are feeling what you are feeling, you need to pick yourself up and move on. Immerse yourself in something of interest to you and spend your time constructively so you won't dwell on the past.

As I have said on here many times I don't believe in counselling, I find it a waste of money, time and resources, why let someone else get rich off your sadness and grief.

Answer 10

I think you should go on a vacation with your kids. You need to concentrate on them. They are feeling what you are feeling. They may even be feeling worse, kids have a tendency to blame themselves when their parents break up.

Find out what your kids want to do and where they want to go. If you can't afford to go on a long vacation, make the evenings and weekends like vacation. Go out and picnic, treasure hunts, etc.

When my parents split up, I thought it was all my fault. Now that I'm an adult I know it wasn't my fault but back then, I KNEW IT WAS MY FAULT. (Kids think the darndest things.)