what do you think?

Question

Back to the grind,
Is it time?
Mindless days
The only way to define.

Like cattle in a pasture
out to graze.
How much more can I take of these mindless days.

numbness begins to take over.
It's risen from my feet,
To the top of my shoulder.
My brain, I can't let it beat.

Mindless days
I must eliminate.
Creator or clone?
What is my fate?

Answer 1

Creator, of course. You already are one.

Take pride in all that you do, even what seems the most meaningless task.

I like the poem's theme of questioning life's purpose.

Answer 2

hmmm, you're getting better in some areas. I think you forgot the line break in the second stanza. Your beats still need work. Start by looking at your first stanza...4 beats, then 3, then 3, then 7. Your next stanza goes, 7 beats, then 3, then 6..6? hard to tell unless I saw where you were going to make the line break, but they still wouldn't be consistent. Work on those beats throughout the poem. Stanza 3 falls apart..."I can't let it beat" is so forced that it cries out for assistance...you can do better than that...and I think you will once you work out the beat problem. The last stanza leaves me without closure...I'm not sure what to deduce from it. Do you want to eliminate mindless days, or are you just saying mindless days, then saying you want to eliminate something else? Why must you be a creator or a clone? why are those your only two choices? how did you get there? what does that have to do with your fate? Too many open questions...you can fix that too.

keep writing

Answer 3

i like it

Answer 4

Love it!!!!

Answer 5

its ok, not great,

Answer 6

um.....cool!!